so like, me and herzspalter have spent this evening screaming at each other about robot weddings and consequently Rung in a tux and I just AAAAAAaaaaAAAAAaaaa
FIX THAT BOW TIE, MEGS
Oh God he looks so sweet, look at his little hands even the hands look happy I am screaming into my pillow over here, these fucking robots are going to be my pathetic end
today at work i let someone into a dressing room and they said “thanks” and half of me tried to say “you’re welcome” and the other half tried to say “no problem” and i ended up saying “your problem”
this post had me in tears
I was hoping the notes would be full of similar stories, but they’re not, so I’ll add my story for anyone else looking for more laughs:
I had to go to a library to pay a fee and I was practicing in the car between “I have to pay a fine” and “I have to pay a fee” and I walked in and firmly stated “I have to pee” and slapped a five dollar bill on the counter (the fee was like ten cents), and walked out. This was like three years ago and I still haven’t been back,
My friend was driving and we were almost past our turnoff so I tried to say “quick” and “fast” at the same time and I ended up screaming “QUACK” which ended up with him judging me very hard and missing the turn
Recently someone in class asked me how I was doing and I started off saying I was good but switched to I’m okay in the middle and ended up saying “I’m gay.”
Which, while kind of accurate, was not what I meant to announce to my classmate.
This Halloween I was handing out candy and a child said “trick or treat” and I smiled gave them their candy and apparently my mouth betrayed me and I said “Merry Christmas” and proceeded to sit down and look up to the sky for answers while their mother laughed at me :)))))
I was switching between “Bye Deanna” and “Goodbye” and I ended up saying “Go Die”
Sometimes I try to say “I fucking love you” but it comes out in the wrong order and then everyone’s uncomfortable.
When I first started my coffee shop job, I was still getting used to greeting customers as they came in the door. A man walked in, and in the jumble of trying to say, “How are you doing?” and “What’s up?” I ended up demanding “What are you doing here?!”
something really cool happened once at the office and i started to say “i’m so amazed” but halfway through my mind changed to “that’s really amazing” and i just ended up saying “i’m really so amazing”
one time i was out in the woods in the spring when the birds were just beginning to come out again and i went to say “i’m so pumped for the birds” and “i’m so hyped for the birds” and instead i said “i’m so humped for birds”
Once I was walking to school and there was a guy walking his dog and the dog came to me and started sniffing me and I was in such a good mood and when I passed by his owner I wanted to say like “hello” or “good morning” or “cute dog” or something like that and I ended up looking up at him, smiling real big, and saying “thank you”.
I was at the convenience store and I was going to buy a drink, but i dropped my keys and the drink when I got to the register so I got caught between “my drink!” and “my keys” and ended up screaming “MY KINK.”
I walked up to this register,in a target. When the cashier finished checking me out she said have a good day, and i wanted to say “You have a good day” and “You too” so it came out “You have a good do do”
I FUCKIN H HIT MY HEAD ON A CHAIR FROM LAUGHING TOO HARD AT THIS FUCKING POS T
There’s so many new stories on this since the last time I saw it and fuck I am laughing so hard I think I’m annoying my roommate
These are too damn good to pass up reading!
That poor man in the coffee shop. “but…Caffeine?!?”
Oh fuck… I just woke up my husband. It’s 4 am and I’m giggling like mad. “Go… The fuck… To sleep…” More giggles … lmao
my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
motherfucking australia
if there was a post to describe australia, this is it
wait.
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
wake up australia
That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit
It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.
Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do
yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes
why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.
My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.
no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange
what the actual fuck australia
I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.
Nope.
Went there.
Parrots tried to take our car.
Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.
Interesting thing about magpies – they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard – as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile.
There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies – carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc – and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started.
I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool.
Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots.
What the fuck
@commanderholly holy shit has Ross ever told you this stuff?
This post gets more hilarious every time it comes up on my radar. There’s a whole paragraph on the Australian Magpie wiki page about swooping, and what does (and does not) work, along with a picture of a person wearing an anti-magpie modified bike helmet. And of course, Youtube Videos
Like, whooshing air sharply out of their vents in order to clear irritants- basically the same idea as anything else sneezing, but with their entire body as opposed to just their nasal area.
Big bots sneezing and sending data-pads flying.
Little bots having sneezing fits and falling out of their chairs.
Bots trying to hold in big sneezes by clamping down their plating- and then said plating just goes flying off.
Seekers flying through something irritating during a flight, sneezing right in the middle of a big complicated routine, and just kind of completely losing all the dramatic effect.
I hope the original submitter doesn’t mind me adding a few ideas to this.
Bots sneezing in a cold environment and having a cloud of white billowing around them.
Sparklings sneezing and scaring the scrap out of themselves. Their creators have to comfort them.
A bot feeling a sneeze coming on and ruffling their plating to prepare for the inevitable but the urge fades. Other bots looking at them weird. They reset their plating and then sneeze at an unexpected moment.
Bots sneezing mid interface and one or the other climaxing because of it.
Bots transforming or their horns/lights n sirens/whatever else going off when they sneeze. A bot with a train alt mode would be the worst.
Other bots transforming or their own horns/lights n sirens/whatever else going off because ‘WTF was that?!’
OH MY GOD YES YOU AND @bett-splendens ARE GLORIOUS TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONS OF FUNNY AND ADORABLE HEADCANONS XD
Omg imagine TFA Ratchet’s sirens going off with a ‘woop’ every time he sneezes. Raf, Jack and Miko aren’t used to it so they have to introduce a ‘Docbot penalty’ to their video games.
Or with the Lambo twins when one of them sneezes the other one’s plating ruffles up, no matter how far apart they are.
Doorwings flicking up-down like a race-start flag every time Prowl or Blue or Smokescreen sneezes.
Bayverse Bumblebee’s radio randomly switching on to something random when he sneezes.
TFP Soundwave’s visor showing the bluescreen of death after a really hard sneeze.
OMG THESE HEADCANONS ARE PRECIOUS.
Adding some of my own.
Bots having a sneeze marathon; sneeze after sneeze after sneeze. Ow, the strain.
Bots with a loud sneeze. (ATCHOOOOO!) The sneeze is basically heard across a space cruiser.
Bots with a quiet sneeze. (’tcho) Everyone around them just ‘aww‘s because cute sneeze.
Bots with a goofy sneeze. (Whatever that might sounds, is up to everyone to decide.)
A cloud of smoke puffs out of his pipes whenever Optimus sneezes.
Fort Max’s treads spin when he sneezes.
Megatron has never sneezed–after all, miners have excellent tolerance for dust and gases in the atmosphere, but when he gets to Earth, suddenly there’s ALL THIS ORGANIC POLLEN EVERYWHERE and his filters never had to handle anything like this and one day he opens his mouth to order death and destruction upon the Autobots and–
“t-choo”
Megatron looks at Starscream, Starscream looks at Knockout, the Vehicons look at each other, and Soundwave very carefully looks at nothing at all because he knows damn well where that tiny adorable sneeze came from. Megatron rallies himself and draws a deep vent to issue that order and–
“t-choo t-choo t-chooooo”
there is a silence broken only by the straining of Starscream’s gears as he struggles to prevent his wings from fluttering with amusement and a crunch from Knockout stomping Breakdown’s foot to prevent the enormous mech from unleashing a fatal laugh at their leader.
Megatron sweeps a glare at all of them and snarls, “No one is to speak of this, ever!” there are immediate nods all around, and he finally gives the slagging order and then whispers to Soundwave, “destroy all footage of that, and by Unicron’s rusty spike, get a HEPA filter up in here yesterday”
YES OH MY GOSH YES
Soundwave just stoically walks back to his quarters, flops down on his berth, and proceeds to chuckle quietly into his pillow for about twenty minutes.
He’s keeping a sound byte of that somewhere in the back of his mind. There is no freakin’ way he’s going to delete all of something that hilarious.
And he’ll use it for blackmail if he really needs to.
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