Alright, here’s a tip: When a goose starts coming at you like this, don’t freak out. Just reach down and grab its neck, right behind its head. Holding just tightly enough to keep a grip, keep it close to you, and hook your other arm over its back and under its belly. Lift it up, hold its body firmly against you, keep ahold of the neck so it can’t bite you, and you have a goose. Carry it around a bit, show it to small children, then go throw it (gently) into the nearest body of water. It’ll leave you alone.
Somewhere deep in your psyche, there is a primate going oh my fuck that is the most beautifully ripe fruit I have ever seen, look the skin is translucent and glistening and the color is so deep and thus full of life-sustaining sugars and nutrients, I am gonna eat the fuck out of that and I dare god or man to try and stop me
Slightly less deep, there is also a small child also going oh my fuck it’s a bag of brightly-colored and shiny delicious candy I am going to put ALL of it in my mouth right now and I dare Mom or Dad to try and stop me
Basically it’s a wonder all of us haven’t choked to death yet
[text: It was Brother Francis who threw the first snowball. Three days later, when the bishop, like an ecclesiastical health inspector, dropped by the monastery unexpectedly, he found the monks divided into three camps – The Fathers, The Sons, and The Holy Ghosts – and each was holed away in its own snow fort. The Holy Ghosts had the most elaborate fort.
A+ content important I would also suggest soft goth things such as
blackbird euphorbia (maybe tender here maybe niagara goths can have u)
black negligee bugbane
chocoholic bugbane (tbh all bugbane is prolific and spoopy and wonderful)
hellebore black swan maybe also tender?
black truffle cardinal flower
the ever fave heuchera obsidian
britt marie crawford ligularia FAVE JURASSIC LOOKING BB
and obv purple smokebush for soft goth smoke monster vibes
thank the dark goddess for you! Saving this post!
Black pearl pepper is another good one, I can attest that they look really cool in person. Aside from being ornamental, the little peppers are edible, and I think decently hot? I haven’t tasted them though so idk about that part
Black Pearl plants are EXTREMELY drought hardy and the peppers taste great, yes! I love mine even though I’ve given it less than stellar care; I’ve had it for…almost 10 years I think!
These pictures are so cute and so is the article.
Black Mondo grass also.
Also this is a tropical moat places but bat flower/ Tacca chantieri
Bat flower
OMG I’ve wanted a black garden since my gothy little 13 year old Heart thought of it! One dayyy!!!
Fun fact: snakes belong to the lizard family (Squamata), and evolved from what can be scientifically called lizards. So by all means, they are legless lizards – one of many lizard groups that lost their legs, in fact.
Tuataras on the other hand may look a lot like lizards, but they’re not. They’re Rhynchocephalians, an ancient group of reptiles that appeared even before lizards evolved and experienced great diversity, but now are represented only by the two species of tuatara surviving in New Zealand.
The independent zoo builder video game Prehistoric Kingdom had started a Kickstarter campaign to fund the game’s development! This is exciting – we’re definitely backing! Maybe you’ll be able to create your own Huxley Paleozoo 😉
Not to mention the BEAUTIFUL and ACCURATE dinosaurs, as seen above!! Seriously, that’s some top of the range shit right there
These dinosaurs are absolutely stunning! The colours are beautiful and inventive, the dinosaurs are skeletally accurate as well as having accurate body coverings.
Also Prehistoric Kingdom wins the Greg Paul award for actually using a Brachiosaurus altithorax as their Brachiosaurus instead of Giraffatitan. Well done indeed.
So, since Y’all liked the last bit of family holiday insanity, I think you’ll enjoy a story from dad’s side of the family. Also, it’s vaguely timely in that this is the time of year people start to do dumb shit with Christmas trees in order to avoid dump fees.
The year is still 1956, because Grandpa is a stickler for taking the tree down before New Year’s Eve, mostly because Grandpa is also the Monterey County Commissioner, and responsible for holding the New Year’s Office Party at his place. You know, a responsible adult who has to make nuanced, careful policy decisions, the kind of guy that turns his taxes in before February.
The kind of guy who decides he can burn his Christmas tree in the fireplace instead of taking it to the dump.
There is no good reason for grandpa to NOT take the tree there- Monterey is on the California Coast and has an average temperature of 50 degrees in December. It will snow in hell before it snows in Monterey. And this was the 50′s! Dump fees didn’t exist yet! It’s easy, free, and very unlikely to set your house on fire!
But no, Grandpa, an other wise sober and sensible man, decided instead to take this highly desiccated and moderately explosive tree and actually shove it up the chimney, before setting it alight.
Dad distinctly recalls his ears popping as the barometric pressure in the room dropped, as the conflagration drew air up into the chimney with enough force to take one of the curtains with it. Grandpa is standing there in front of the fireplace like an idiot, presumably slightly deafened by the jet-engine-like ROAR coming from the fireplace.
Dad, having at least two working survival instincts, ran outside to see if spark were landing on the roof and if he needed to call 911. There were not sparks landing on the roof, becuase whatever flaming bits of tree were left were being blown into the stratosphere by the jet of flame erupting out of the chimney like the worlds biggest butane torch. The ground shook, from the force of the tree combusting in such a confined fashion. The earth was probably moved slightly out of orbit.
Fortunately, once the tree died down, it did not take the house with it, and they were all left with shattered nerves and a structurally unsound chimney.
“Well that was a hell of a thing.” Said grandpa, still standing in front of the fireplace. He turned, slowly, looking moderately shell-shocked towards his sobbing daughters and Dad, who was too awed for any reasonable sense of panic.
“Don’t tell your mother, and we can all have ice cream.”
Happy Holidays everyone, don’t burn the house down.
(If you enjoyed this, please consider donating to my Tip Jar so I can make the rent and maybe some xmas presents this year)
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