tyrannosaurus-trainwreck:

brakken:

Look out!

Okay, so you know how canonically the cops were fairly down on Spider-Man, and back when he was a high-schooler it probably wasn’t that hard to figure out he was a teenager because he has never, not once, in his entire life known how to budget his fucking time?

Can you imagine one of his second-rate villains being a local truant officer who starts chasing him every time he’s out spider-manning during school hours?  Which is super inconvenient, because he’s only out spider-manning during school hours during real emergencies?  And the officer’s superiors start reading them the riot act because they’re a fucking truant officer, how are they finding themselves in the middle of so many bank robberies and mutant-lizard attacks and supervillain fights? 

But they’re too obsessed to let it go, and their cubicle just turns into this ludicrous wall o’ bonkers with maps of Spider-Man sightings and school schedules and absentee reports and everyone’s like “Ha ha, making any progress yet?” and they’re like “Ten percent of the school-aged population is out on any given day, how does anyone in this city even graduate.”

Like, their quest to narrow the pool of Spider-Man suspects starts generating honest-to-god reductions in missed school days because there have been so many case studies and experiments on how to get kids back in school, leading to even more weird accolades because this officer cares and this officer’s a hero and the officer’s just like “I just need to find out who Spider-Man is, because then I can go yell at his parents because he’s not in school” and that’s why they’re no longer allowed to give speeches when they accept rewards for this stuff.

Then one day they put in for a transfer and everyone’s shocked, because they’ve been so good for the city, they’ve really gone above and beyond, but I guess burn-out had to happen sometime, huh. 

Only it’s because the math says there’s no way in hell Spider-Man could still be in school, so there’s no point in chasing him, he can do whatever he wants during school hours.  And that’s what they lived for for so long that now that it’s gone, their heart’s just not in it anymore. 

Cue dispirited montage of the officer just writing parking tickets and shuffling aimlessly through their lives and everything’s getting grayer and sadder and duller until they whip out their book to write a ticket, look up, and see the Spider-Mobile in all its tacky crimson glory parked on the side of the fucking library.