posts that imply shuri wouldn’t be 100% delighted to have her new lab assistant be tony stark baffle me. she’s not mean, she’s not gonna be like ‘fuck you you’re LESS INTELLIGENT THAN I AM’ she’s gonna put that grown ass man to work and make him throw blueberries across the room so she can catch them in her mouth
So many Pro-Spanking advocates talk about how they “Deserved” to be hit by their parents because they were “a bad kid.” And it makes me so sad.
You weren’t.
You weren’t a bad kid, and you didn’t deserve to be hit. Maybe you were a difficult kid, maybe you struggled with boundaries or rules or expectations. Maybe you had bad behavior much of the time. But you, yourself, were not and are not a BAD person for that, and you didn’t EARN violence. You didn’t have it coming. It shouldn’t have happened to you.
Someone’s kids are spoiled rotten little fucks who don’t know how to behave in public or at home. There have been many attempts to successfully pull spanking from parenting in recent years as the post modernist mentality hit that realm. But there is a reason is it a tried and true part of parenting because there is a balance to achieve between rewards and punishment. Some parents are too liberal with spankings and others won’t even hold it in reserve for the worst of behaviors. New age parenting is incomplete because it only looks at half of the nessisary puzzle to raise your child. If you look at studies previous to the 90s you find that spanking was beneficial, but when the post modernist echo chamber started impacting psychology this flipped to reject all classic knowledge as is a trend with post modernism as a whole.
And all of these are post 1990. Did you even read what I said, or simply get triggered by my statement so quick you just replied.
The first one explicitly says that its built off 50 years of collected meta data. Soooo.
And Also “This science is too recent” is an interesting methodology. Like…that…isn’t how sociology works.
also, the main reason nonviolent parenting styles haven’t worked isn’t because you need violence to parent, it’s because the various methods never actually address the problem.
we have this weird idea that consequences are the best deterrent to bad behavior, but that simply isn’t true. If consequences- be it spanking, a time out, losing your video games, going to jail, etc- are the ONLY THING keeping you from doing something bad, you’ll more than likely do it if you think you can get away with it. or, alternatively, you’ll be so afraid of consequences that you’ll be mentally incapacitated at the slightest hint that someone is upset with you, killing your social life and any chance to learn the skills you need to handle that situation.
what actually stops being from misbehaving is understanding WHY they shouldn’t do something. and “my house, my rules” doesn’t cut it as a reason; there needs to be an understandable reason. sometimes it’s an inherent consequence; you can’t put a cookie in the ps2 because then the ps2 breaks and you can’t play video games anymore. sometimes it’s a moral reason; you can’t hit your sister because it hurts her and makes her upset. sometimes it’s a social reason; grandma will think you’re rude if you drop a hard boiled egg in her water glass.
you need to actually talk to your kid and help them understand these things with whatever level of reasoning they have. and if they’re too young to be reasoned with, they’re too young to understand why you’re hurting them.
another issue is that many times, the child does understand why they need to be better, but they’re unable to. bad grades are a huge example of this. getting spanked for a bad grade never made me do better, it just made me cry so hard i choked every time i got anything below a C. it took until highschool, with no help from my parents or teachers, to realize that the reason i was failing was because i had memory problems, and it took another year to figure out how to remember better. if my dad had sat down and taught me some ways to remember better instead of putting me over his knee, i would have been doing much better.
and this may surprise you, but the reason we’re finally understanding that spanking DOESN’T benefit kids is because we’re finally looking at them as people, not pets or property. child psychology is about understanding that this is a human being with all the same capacity for feelings that you have, maybe even more, and not nearly enough resources to express them. children aren’t little monsters that need to be herded and corralled and trained. they’re very tiny, very confused people, and it’s our responsibility to teach them how life works.
Upworthy carried a story summarizing an experiment demonstrating that rats exhibit empathy. Why do I care about this? Because the graphics showing the experiment on Upworthy made me smile, and smiling is good. Here’s the link in case you want to watch the video embedded in the story.
Some scientists ran an experiment to demonstrate that. Here’s how it worked:
The scientists put a rat in water (which rats hate). Not enough to hurt the rat, but enough to annoy it.
Then they put another rat in a safer, dry area with a door it could open to save the first rat.
When the dry rat heard the damp, miserable rat get upset, she came to the rescue.
Still not satisfied with the result, the scientists ran a more complex test.
What if you bribe the dry rat with food? Will she ignore it to rescue the wet rat in the next chamber?
Scientists presumed it would be easier for the not-in-peril rat to take the obvious selfless route when it was given only one choice. But what if they gave her a delicious bribe (chocolate cereal) and then let her choose between saving her friend and a buffet?
The rats, by a significant margin, still usually saved their friend before getting their delicious bribe. What does that mean?
Rats might care more about each other than things like food, and that prioritization might be encoded in their DNA.
Why should we care about super-thoughtful rats?
It is often argued that humans are inherently selfish — that without guidance, we would all default to killing and stealing and an “every person for themselves” mentality. That we only help others if it helps us. That evolution can’t make us selfless; it’s something we have to force ourselves to do.
But if rats show human-like qualities (they laugh like us, they dream like us, they like to have selfless lovers) like altruism, that means it isn’t a human-learned behavior. It could be encoded in our DNA. It means humans could be empathetic and kind by default.
It also means that rats and humans have more in common than we think.
An adorable rat not spreading the plague and hugging a tiny teddy bear. Much empathy.
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