drethelin:

iworkfornickfury:

dearjacquelinee:

sometimes i think i miss high school and then..this is pretty accurate

one time i was in class in middle school and i was eating a beef jerky slim jim and the teacher said “stop eating that unless you have enough to share” so i pulled out a box of 200 slim jims (from costco of course) and the teacher fucking confiscated it.

side note: perfect example of “is that your real objection?”

writing-prompt-s:

antipotatosocial:

frivoloustidbits:

writing-prompt-s:

number1120:

ha-youwish:

writing-prompt-s:

the-stick-seller:

writing-prompt-s:

itwasnineintheafternoon:

evil-pie:

writing-prompt-s:

shewhoshallnotspeak:

writing-prompt-s:

You’ve been putting off cleaning your late fishes aquarium. Today the algae did its first space flight test.

I stared at the aquarium. A little rocket plopped out of the water and fell on the floor. «Man.. i really need to clean.» I said as ate my fourth sandwich. «I’ll do it tomorrow.» But i didn’t. I never did. The algae treated me like a God. I was God.

Please, don’t ever clean your aquarium

It honestly was a little shocking to find small statues of myself littering the area that the algae grew from, but i ignored it, thinking that was just normal algae stuff

a few days later, I walked towards the aquarium to find it completely empty. I looked up and saw a hole in the roof, the edges covered in algae. I looked down and saw a note being held down by a small likeness of myself. “Thanks for helping us. In return, we will send a bust of you to Venus, your favorite planet. Goodbye and thank you for everything you’ve done”

w h o l e s o m e

It’s been about a week now. Apparently NASA got a lot of funding out of nowhere. The algae paid to have my roof fixed, so that’s pretty nice. Still haven’t gotten around to that fish tank. Found out some bacteria started growing in it and learned about an “Ancient advanced civilization” or something. They just now developed written language.

e x t r a w h o l e s o m e

I picked up some of the language from the bacteria. We have some basic conversations from time to time, i sometimes talk about my day and hear about their advancements in technology. They’ve built a few cities so far. I don’t think I’ll be cleaning that tank anytime soon (I’ve been thinking about buying another so they can expand).

Update: bought a tank and now the civilisation is expanding perfectly. Not only that, but the technology is better as well. They made hover cars in the tank and they’re flying around. They asked if I want one, but I declined.

Why would you decline!?

The real question: Do they use the fish like horses?

the fish are dead that tank haven’t been cleaned in god knows how many years

tfw when a post goes from super wholesome to being shattered into a million pieces in mere seconds

Tank hasn’t been cleaned in however many years because the fish died, quite possibly of old age. See “late fishes” in first post. 

redlipstickresurrected:

Sheena Liam aka シーナ・リアム aka Sheena Liam Yue Sheen aka 粘悦馨 aka Nián Yuèxīn (Malaysian-Chinese, b. 1991, Subang Jaya, Selangor, Malaysia) – Top Fashion Model and Embroiderer. Embroidery Arts: Black Thread, Embroidery Hoop

sapiosexualmcride:

wackcauldron:

critical-perspective:

pietriarchy:

everyone loves to shit on david cage for making his games so heavily prompt based but let me tell you it’s the prompts specifically that elevate his work to the level of modern masterpieces

wheres the one where the player fails every prompt in a chase scene and it turns a dramatic pursuit into a mr bean movie

this the video you’re talking about?

tagmemystrich:

wholesomethanos:

Remember when Thanos got cockblocked by Deadpool?

#what the fuck???

Thanos’ goal for destroying all life in the Universe and wanting the Infinity Gauntlet is he has a crush on Death, the embodiment of the cosmic force of Death. Deadpool is dating Death and she’s absolutely smitten with him.

Well, yeah, Deadpool is probably a pretty good date and is definitely way more fun than him.

joe-normal:

joke: loki has his hair greased down all the time because he’s a greasy boy

woke: loki has his hair greased down all the time because he’s learned since childhood that if his large electric brother thor so much as high-fives him without it being slicked back he’ll be walking around for the rest of the day with it sticking up straight in the air from static, looking like a very frightened cat 

captainsnoop:

i have not even finished the first episode of the Best Friends Play LP of Detroit: Become Human and David Cage has already made several mind-boggling, immersion shattering mistakes in his world building: 

to recap: 

  • david cage believes that in androids that look exactly like humans will come to exist and be accepted by society 
  • david cage believes that it would take five years in this universe before androids are required by law to have identifying characteristics like glowing circles on their temples and glowing clothes
  • david cage believes that a company could somehow completely dehumanize these fully human looking androids to the general populace in this amount of time, resulting in literally everybody calling them “it” instead of treating them like they’re alive despite the fact that people have been doing this with roombas since 2002
  • david cage believes that a company would be able to sell a completely servile human-looking android that looks like a black person and somehow not face intense, company reputation destroying backlash against this
  • david cage believes that androids being forced to sit in the back of the bus would be immediately accepted by society and not questioned at all, even though the civil rights movement and segregation are widely covered by public school’s history classes 
  • david cage believes that paper will no longer exist and that all paper will be replaced by single-use disposable touchscreen devices. these devices include magazines, bills, and job applications
  • to repeat, david cage fucking believes that we’ll use snail mail to send eachother ipads instead of just using email or FUCKING PAPER 
  • david cage expects us to believe that an android would only cost 8,000 USD in the year 2032
  • david cage expects us to believe that an android is a totally affordable item for a crack addict that lives in a building so dilapidated that it could barely be called a house 
  • david cage expects us to believe that aforementioned crackhead beat the living hell out of his android to the point where he told the store “she got hit by a car” and the store just blindly believed this and repaired her free of charge despite the fact that phone companies now won’t even replace your broken screen for free 
  • david cage expects us to believe that an android with a constant internet connection would not see this crack addict smoking crack and not log it or take any form of action to prevent or report it
  • david cage expects us to believe that this android that is very clearly able to produce detailed psychological breakdowns of humans at a glance would look at a child under the age of 10, see every single textbook sign of physical abuse, see the father (aforementioned crack addict) verbally abusing her while she cowering under a table, and not take any preventative action to ensure the child’s safety despite the fact that she HAS AN A CONSTANT INTERNET CONNECTION AND IS ABLE TO WORDLESSLY DO THINGS LIKE ORDER SHIT OFF OF AMAZON 
  • david cage expects us to believe that the world detroit: become human takes place in has a 40% unemployment rate. the lowest the unemployment rate in the US has ever been was 25% during the Great Depression.
  • David Cage expects us to believe that a 40% unemployment rate looks like “maybe five homeless people in a town square tops and an angry crowd of ten peaceful protesters that are easily dispersed by a single police officer” and not “rioting in the streets with every single authority figure being drawn and quartered by the angered masses” 

I haven’t even finished the episode yet. There’s probably more. I keep pausing it because I have to stop and talk about it to prevent myself from losing my fucking mind.