when u come out and your cis sibling who was assigned @ birth the same gender u were suddenly and loudly starts referring to themself as ur parents Precious Only child of that gender
when you come out as a trans guy and your mom is like “oh shit but before you were born i promised a witch my firstborn male child. I THOUGHT YOU WERE SAFE”
please feel free to add your own wholesome pure trans jokes
Hairdresser: We’re going to have to use a color remover to take out the blue pigment, then apply more pigment to allow for the proteins in the hair to adhere to it. Then possibly mix three different types of toners to reach the goal of your natural hair color.
Hairdresser: pretty simple
Me: this is chemistry
Hairdresser: yeah, but people don’t like when we talk that way
Hairdresser: so you’re a mortician?
Me: apprentice
Hairdresser: do you know why formaldehyde is used in clothing?
Me: I didn’t know that was a thing
Hairdresser: I think it’s due to the preserving qualities? But I don’t think that’s right.
Me: It’s not just a preservative, it’s also a disinfectant ‘cause it destroys bacteria as well as their food supply. It’s also a dehydrator.
Hairdresser: why not just use alcohol?
Me: good question. Formaldehyde is super cheap, so probably to cut costs
Hairdresser: is it really a carcinogen?
Me: yeah, I’m going to have so much cancer
Hairdresser: so you’re going natural to work at a funeral home?
Me: yeah
Hairdresser: while still in school?
Me: well we work in the funeral homes so we have uuuuh … experience with cases
Hairdresser: you can just say bodies it’s fine
Me: oh thank god
Five Minutes Later
Me: yeah so we don’t do autopsies it’s one of my pet peeves
Hairdresser: what if someone wakes up while you’re embalming them?
Me: there’s a huge difference between a living body and a dead one
second hairdresser: I think we should add more toner, but yeah I think rigor mortis would make it pretty obvious
Me: that and being in a fridge for a few days you will be dead by the time you get to us
Hairdresser: I think pumping them full of a carcinogen would help with that
A Ctebius sp. pseudoscorpion cleaning its weapons in the secret protection of the “under a stone” world. #macrophotography #arachnid #pseudoscorpion #predatoridelmicrocosmo #italy #underastone #darkside #arachnidofinstagram #pickoftheday @ilcp_photographers
“You are too young to be disabled,” they say. You age. “You are too young to be disabled,” they say. You age. “You are too young to be disabled,” they say. You have changed. They have not.
You see a flight of stairs. Your friend insists there are only a few. You don’t see an end. You are tired. There are too many stairs. You don’t see an end.
The door has an accessible entrance sticker. It is not accessible. You tell them so. They insist it is. You try to explain. They point to the sticker wordlessly.
You tell people there is no cute for your disability. They whisper. Soon everyone is whispering. You do not know what they are saying but you hear the word ‘yoga’.
You need an ice pack. You get one. You immediately need another. This has been happening all day. Or was it all year? You try to remember and you cannot think of a time you did not need an ice pack.
You stand up from your wheelchair. People gasp. Your disability has magically disappeared. You sit back down. Your disability returns.
You never notice people using canes. You get a cane. Suddenly you notice them. They’re everywhere. The number of canes grows. You chalk it up to your imagination, but you wonder if it really is growing. Soon, everyone will use canes.
You do not see yourself in magazines. You do not see yourself in movies. You do not see yourself on tv. You do not see yourself in books. You start to fear that you do not exist.
A person asks you what your disability is. “I don’t know,” you whisper, “no one knows.” They stare at you confused. You have never known.
You sleep. You are more tired. You don’t sleep. You are more tired. You go out. You are more tired. You stay in. You are more tired. The moon waxes. You are more tired. The moon wanes. You are more tired. You think about whether these things are related. You are more tired.
[disclaimer: you don’t have to identify with all of these in order to reblog (in fact I don’t expect most people will) but please do identify with the cripple punk movement as a whole! or if you’re reblogging for a friend tag that you are and you’re able bodied. Also please tag for unreality and depersonalization if you can! Feel free to add on]
this is primarily an obnoxious ad for the enamel pin above (pre-order it here, folks!), but I’m gonna use this opportunity to compare Velociraptor to modern descendants, and see how it stacks up!
Velociraptors & cassowaries evolved hypertrophied claws for entirely different purposes – the ‘slashing, killing claw’ of the Velociraptor is a myth, but modern-day cassowaries have the Real Deal, a ice pick-like weapon on their second toe that can grow to 5 inches.
“The inner or second of the three toes is fitted with a long, straight, murderous nail which can sever an arm or eviscerate an abdomen with ease. There are many records of natives being killed by this bird” – ornithologist Ernest Thomas Gilliard
notice how the cassowary has a straight dagger, while Velociraptor has a hook? modern equivalents to Velociraptor’s hypertrophied claw are eagle talons, used for gripping prey & maneuvering in trees. because it was a terrestrial runner, Velociraptor held this tool off the ground to keep it razor-sharp, but modern birds-of-prey (given the luxury of flight) have transformed ALL their talons into the famous Velociraptor sickle claw!
tl;dr turns out the group aves used the last 66 million years to advance their weaponry & out murder-bird their ancestors (sorry Velociraptor!)
interesting update!! another modern analogue exists, in the Seriema
though they can fly short distances. Seriemas prefer running from danger. they are the closest living relative to the flightless Terror Birds, which preyed upon proto-horses in the Miocene! the red-legged species is used by farmers to guard property against wild animals & human intruders & DEAR GOD you can easily see why:
Seriema feet are not used when capturing/killing prey, but the raised claw is apparently involved in intraspecies conflict, wherein two Seriemas will rear up & kick at eachother, flapping their wings to maintain balance
SO was Velociraptor’s claw used for arboreal maneuvering & RPR (raptor prey restraint) like an eagle, or intraspecies fighting like a Seriema? unfortunately they are quite dead, so we’ll never know (though I’d put money on it being a multipurpose tool!)
Reblogging for birb foot science!
Well, that’s a horrifying thought, Velociraptors hopping around in trees to jump on unsuspecting prey. I mean, even if they were only about turkey-sized, that’s still a pretty impressive thing to have coming at your face with several feet of falling momentum behind it.
Also, please watch this furious modern dinosaur scream at and try to frighten a car.
BettSplendens Tumblr Evac 