Zenyatta holding a human infant playing Peekaboo w his alt arms while holding it
also the infant poking the dots on his forehead thinking it’s just like a telephone toy and Zenyatta plays along with it and acts like a person on the other side of the line
i literally cannot fucking handle how cute this is
Humans do not remember being born. Most do not even recall the first three to four years of their life. However, Omnics remember the exact time and date that they first came online. After all, it is, essentially, their first thought.
5:36 AM, February 12, 2056
After that, the visual sensors come online, and the processor begins to put words to images.
A man, Asiatic, wearing square glasses, with a sparse mustache and meticulously trimmed little beard. Black hair. Brown eyes. A slightly open mouth and furrowed eyebrows. Identified expression: uncertainty.
The audio sensors boot up moments later.
The room is quiet except for the hum of the overhead lamps and the muffled sounds of outside traffic. The man sniff and clears his throat.
Then the start-up process begins.
Thank you for activating Tekhartha model 750X.U. Please state your registration code:
Edeno3RA2F1nzxxONETW
Confirmed. Please identify registered user:
Khadka Roshan
Confirmed. Would you like to designate a friendly name for this Tekhartha unit?
Zenyatta.
Confirmed. Unit designated as Tekhartha Zenyatta. Would you like to designate an alternative to the default gender?
Oh! I did not- Uh, what is the default gender?
Null.
Ah, well, hmm. I suppose that’s fine. Are masculine pronouns acceptable? Your voice is a bit, uh… deep for female…
Vocal settings can be adjusted.
No, that’s fine! Everything is fine!
Acknowledged. Would you like to designate an implicit purpose, to allow for greater independant operation in the absence of set tasks?
Ahhh, hmm. You are responsible for the uh, upkeep and maintenance of the Kathmandu University library. You put books away. You help students find information they are looking for. I suppose you could even help them with their homework if you wanted, but don’t simply do it for them.
Acknowledged. I will assist students, but I am not to complete their work for them.
Yes. That’s right.
Is there any optional software you would like to install?
Um, no. Not at this time, thank you. No wait, that one, that bookkeeping one, I want that one.
Acknowledged. Downloading bookkeeping software now. Is there any optional software you would like to install.
Thank you, that is enough.
There was a moment of awkward silence between Kathmandu University’s head librarian and his new assistant, then Khadka Roshan jerked up with a gasped “oh!” He turned to the counter beside him, grabbed a small pile of clothes, and held them out to Zenyatta. “You will probably want to put these on before we begin.”
Zenyatta looked at the clothing and identified a plain white button-up shirt, a brown sweater vest, and brown corduroy pants. A moment passed as he processed what to do, then he bowed his head, thanked Mr. Khadka, and dressed. When he finished, he was handed a book, and told to put it away.
He turned it over in his hands. 191 Ced. “The Nature of the Soul” by Lucinda Cedercrans.
“This belongs in the Philosophy section, I will return it right away.” He turned to leave, but Mr. Khadka hummed uncertainly, catching Zenyatta’s attention. “Is there something else, sir?”
“Are you not curious?”
Curious? He had not been before, but Mr. Khadka’s tone implied that perhaps that was wrong. That perhaps, he should be. His processors did not know the expected answer to the question, and the blank space made him… Well, perhaps it made him curious. “About what?”
“About the book.”
Zenyatta looked at the book. “My implicit purpose is to care for the books. To ensure that they are filed in the correct position on the shelves. The contents of the books are not of my concern.”
“Ah.” Mr. Khadka nodded sagely, pursing his lips and inhaling deeply. Identified expression: disappointment. “Well, perhaps it will come to you in time,” he added reassuringly, patting Zenyatta’s shoulder. “Human children need years to discover themselves. I suppose it was too much to expect you to know on your first day alive.”
Reaper – I don’t want to fuck walking Mt Dew Code Red thanks. If it was pre Reaper then he’d be higher up the list for sure. Bastion – I just want Bastion to be happy with his bird. Roadhog – I can’t unhear the gross squishing noise they used for him in the Blizzcon Play By Sound vid okay? I can’t. I just can’t. If he had a bath maybe. But until then, I c a n ’ t. Soldier – Maybe pre edgey soldier. Or post edgey soldier he he stopped being so fuckin crotchety about everything. Torbjorn – I like short people okay? But tbh since he’s got a wife it’d never happen. Reinhardt – Okay I’m not normally for big but like, Rein is a sweetie? I just hope he doesn’t yell during pillow talk. Junkrat – Give that boy a wosh first but I like his enthusiasm. Zenyatta – Very chill bot. So long as he doesn’t ask me to meditate we’d be fine. I can’t meditate for beans. But also what can those six arms do tho. Hanzo – I would tease him for being so angry and kiss him to make up for it. McCree – The relatable cowboy. Also I’m from the south so the cowboy aesthetic works for me. Genji – He just seems like fun tbh Winston – I have a thing for fur and I really like his positive attitude Lucio – Okay look I love the cinnamon roll he was my main and he’s so upbeat??
Overwatch Gals Least to Most Fuckable
Widowmaker – I can’t take lady mcedgelord seriously and something is really wrong with her spine/ass/legs.
Orisa – I just want the baby to explore the world first and learn about herself. Pharah – I know everyone loves her and I’m sure she’s nice but IDK man I just need to know more about her as a person?? Mercy – Feels a little too much like a mom. Zarya – I know, she big, she lorge. But IDK she’s very serious and I dunno if we’d get along. I’d also be VERY intimidated. Symmetra – If she could -chill- for five minutes then yes. Sombra – Cybernetic enhancements. What can those do? Also kinda digging the attitude and her general aesthetic. Ana – Okay look, I would do it. I’d fuck Grandma. Which is awkward given I wouldn’t fuck Mercy because she’s too much of a Mom. IDK man attraction is weird. D.Va – Seems like she’d be a little distant but probably a lot of fun and also video games together??? Mei – Soft???? Warm??? Cinnamon Roll?? I can forgive all the times she’s frozen me and shot me in the head. Tracer – THAT GOOD SHIT. SHE IS THE BEST. I LOVE HER. But I also love that she’s with Emily. Preferably it would be a sandwich situation.
Meanwhile, mine is less of a like, fuckable list and more of like “Here is the list of guys I would totally wind up in a bed with, regardless of sex or not involved” and “Here is a list of all the guys I’d totes be down to hanging with/drinking with”
All the peeps I’d bed:
Winston Lucio McCree Reyes Hanzo Junkrat Tracer
Everyone else is in the drinking/hanging category. That’s it. Clear cut. Simple. Good shit good shit.
Ink’s list of overboys least to most fuccable
Bastion– Bastion is just my good friend, I don’t want my dick caught in this
Reaper– He’s dead, and edgy, he’s like if someone was murdered in hot topic no thank you
Torbjorn– Married, short, quite a bit older, just honestly not my type, I’d love to hear his stories tho
Reinhardt– Also older, and I’m just not one for age differences? He’s really big tho…if he stayed in the armor we could talk
Soldier– Reminds me too much of my grandfather and frankly I don’t want him to criticize my fucking which I think he’d do
Junkrat– One of my favs but when I imagine him as a real person…twitchy, dirty, on fire…I’m a bit uncomf not gunna lie…
Hanzo– Very angry but I mean…he’s hot I can’t lie
Lucio– Famous. Gorgeous. Fun. Lets go
Mcree- I mean I just, yeah I dig the shtick he’s got me what can I say…I still need to see ~21 mcree tho (is that blackwatch mcree or)…show me that boy…UNF
Genji– Another fun one, tons of energy, mostly robot? Lets fuckin do this
Roadhog– Hes…. bi g…and a kiwi
Winston– Big. Also I’m a furry.
Zenyatta– Let me show the young robotic stud what you can really do with some prayer beads
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