One of my favorites is when a religious converter type comes up to me when I’m sitting around. Because they usually have a cold open like “The Lord has called me to you” replying with “Indeed He Has My Child, for He is Pleased With Your Work, and wishes you to know that you are known to Him”. Throw inflections into the wrong points in words, but do it with a very calming presence. After all, you’re the SMS from the afterlife, you’re merely the vessel of the vassal, and nothing scuttles their plans faster than trying to have to process that this very calmly spoken person who InflEcts their words JuiSSSSt quite not riGHt is acknowleding them in an uncomforting way.
Once they leave, watch them until something blocks the line of site, and then move like lightning to not be there when they glance back.
(This is why there are probably some really good rumours in Adelaide about me)
I remember this guy once who tried to dare me (the nerd of the group) to do something or another to prove my “manliness”. I calmly replied “How cute of you to think I´m human…” and kept walking. He stared at me in confusion and when I was several meters away I heard him say “yeah…good point.”
I just had to explain what I was cackling at to my roommate. It automatically passes the Laugh Rule.
She found her reluctant fiance, Erstad, brooding out on the rainy moors.
“Is that a baby rabbit?” she asked, observing his huddled form.
“IT’S SIX BABY RABBITS AND YOU CAN’T TOUCH THEM,” replied Ernstad, contriving to look twice his usual size and at least three times his usual fierceness.
“Whoah okay damn,” she said, and backed away.
i’d read the gothic romance novel of ernstad and his baby rabbits like right now
Bad male DND writers writing women: She’s really pale, small, thin, pretty, pure of heart, plays a healer, and her name is Blossom and she’s in love with big gruff men 🙂
Women playing DND: Her name is Hannah Throatsmasher, she has big horns and can kick your ass
Blossom tires of the nonsense big gruff men bring into her life and meets Hannah in a pub one night. The two go on legendary adventures and marry by the sea.
i hate when people draws mermaid’s tail like it was some sort of goddamn suit on normal human legs like this:
it just doesnt work
yeah we wouldnt want to make our mermaids too unrealistic
this asks more questions than it answers. they don’t really have vestigial legs, like those aren’t even motile fins, so why do they still have fully formed hips, why hasn’t the pelvic bone changed significantly? and where did the tail come from?
whales as we know them evolved from land animals that went back out to sea, and it’s all spine all the way down to the tail fin. the pelvis is vestigial to the point of being tiny and unrecognizable, and the rear leg structure is //gone//. and by the time they evolved all that, their forelegs had turned into proper fins and they didn’t have hourglass figures, because they built up walls of insulating fat and blubber where it was needed most – around the vital organs.
which brings us to the walrus. as you can see the skeletal structure and the external appearance are fairly ursiform – the rear legs are basically still in there forming the tail, and the pelvis is intact, and above that it may as well still be a land animal. if mermaids did exist, as hominids who went back out to sea, and if they hadn’t evolved into basically dolphins, then a walrus skeletal system, complete with vestigial thigh bones inside a kind of muscle skirt, and with significant fat and blubber deposits //on the main body// would be most likely. which is to say, mermaids with human torsos and seagoing lower bodies would waddle around on their tails, have clearly defined thigh structures, and would be a hell of a lot rounder above and about the waist than they’re usually depicted.
which begs the question, then, if you see a mermaid and it’s a skinny little thing with a slinky waist and an eel-like tail and a perfect bosom and a coy smile, //why does it look like that//? because whatever that is? it is not a land animal that readapted to the sea. it is not your distant kin. it is a sea creature that adapted //to get your attention//.
maybe it’s all an illusion, a frilly mane, an hourglass shape, and narrow antennae that mimic the shape of human arms, waving lonely sailors into the water, only to realize too late the bioluminescent patterns of lipstick and pert breasts are to distract from what lies behind them – viselike jaws and row after row of stiletto teeth.
or maybe it’s all soft tissue, the gelatinous bell of a jellyfish folded into a pleasing shape, luring the unwary down to be caught up in a tail that is nothing more than thousands of barbed lines of stinging neurotoxin cells.
or it could be that the tail goes deep into a shadowy well, and the beautiful woman is a mask for a single enormous jaw, the internal skeleton just the endless spine and ribs of a vast and hungry sea snake.
or, perhaps most terrifyingly, the face is real but not the face of the eyes looking out of it – a human mask for an intelligence both cold and calculating, wearing an inviting smile to bring you within reach of the dagger behind it’s back. waiting to slice the skin off of you because it needs a new disguise, because it is shaped like you but does not look like you, because it must pass as you so it can go among you, so that by starlight it may go on land and into town, where your kin are sleeping, unsuspecting.
Jesus Christ back up a minute buddy
I am 100% on board with eldritch horror mermaids.
Can I set up something to just reblog this every time I see it? Like automatically? Because this is perfect and I love this.
Like I said, I almost didn’t post this, since it started as a warm up before commissions and ended like total filth, but the people demand tentacles, so here I am
Please disregard every notion of anatomy you thought I had
*
FYI I shouldn’t need to say this but here we go: this is 100% consensual, and Cas is very careful and very sweet
BettSplendens Tumblr Evac 