I would most definitely take a job at Jurassic Park, IF I got to make recommendations that would be actually listened to and wouldn’t be fired for swearing. The job of a veterinarian should not be to do what you are told by your employer, it should be to solve problems and advocate for the welfare of the animals in your care.
The Tyranosaus get’s enrichment, the sauropods get enrichment, the stegosaurs get enrichment, everybody gets enrichment.
We are not feeding Jurassic carnivores meat from mammals which they are likely ill-suited to digest and metabolize. We know aquarium fish, which are not adapted to eating mammals, develop cardiac and fat distribution problems if their protein is supplemented with beef so let’s aim for a slightly more ‘natural’ diet of bird and reptile proteins (crocodile, anyone?)
Like, seriously, let’s not train a prehistoric reptile, brought back to the modern world with no parents to teach it about food, to see mammals as a source of food. It shouldn’t have any innate instincts to do so, so lets leave well enough alone.
In fact, let’s not give them live prey at all. I think not training the dinosaurs to hunt is probably a good idea.
Lets get somebody who knows what they’re doing to design enclosures so we can see the animals, and give them enough space to not go stir crazy.
While we’re at it, the enclosures for larger animals can have more safety features – bolt holes for humans that the biggest critters can’t fit through, honestly we even have these in livestock handling facilities, it’s not that hard!
We are not going to introduce DNA from modern species which are potentially parthenogenic
So, so much quarantine.
Some modern reptiles would need to be kept in order to seed the local environment with suitable microflora and microfauna for the dinosaurs to pick up. You might have cloned a dinosaur, but I’d bet dollars for donuts you didn’t clone it’s intestinal flora!
Quarantine again. Nothing is getting off the island, and ideally nothing from visitors is contacting anything in the exhibit.
Ian Malcom has to walk around being opinionated about everything, and suitably paranoid.
The roof of every building gets an evacuation point for a helicopter.
The stegosaurs get extra treats.
(Image reads: #there would be fewer catastrophes #and boring movies #but I’m here for this)
Oh no no, we could have the best movie ever.
We just need a really good, enthusiastic, Steve Irwin type character who just thinks these dinosaurs are wonderful, let him do whatever he wants, and make Ian Malcom follow him around.
-collect rodimus stars through increasingly stupid and bizarre tasks
-incompetent robot doctor sim
-rhythm game ala kinnect star wars dance game but with giant robots
-undercover cybertronian is forced to work office job via holoform while also going on missons. Bonus if the player character is markedly bad at pretending to be human. Triple bonus if other office workers are also aliens of various species but the player must spy on them while pretending not to notice they’re aliens
-literally anything with lost light shenanigans
-two player game where you each play as components of a headmaster and have to coordinate your controller movements and maintain drift compatibility while fighting
-minicon guerilla warfare
-a game where you play as soundwave and your only goal is to adopt every smaller robot you come across
-a game in which you play as whirl and hes whirl and its gr8
-a game entirely dedicated to jet judo
-transformers dress up/doll maker
-optimus prime is the player character but except instead of fighting your only goal is to avoid ratchet as he tries to bring you in for a physical. Bonus if its a two player and the other person plays ratchet
Dumb Sequel Ideas for Venom, Sony Feel Free to Use
-Venom pulling a Batman and becoming a pseudo-urban legend around the shitty sides of San Fran. Just this big hulking mystery monster that pops up out of nowhere to beat the shit out of bad guys and maybe hork down some villains’ brains. Word on the street is that you can garner his favor through king size chocolate bars and French fries.
-A potential montage:
Police: “Now you’re sure you haven’t seen this 9 ft tall leech man around here?”
Citizens 1-10, all of whom were rescued by Venom/watched Venom fold a cop car in half/punt a CEO across the Bay: “Nope”
Police: “You’re sure?”
Ms. Chen: “I think I’d know if I saw him.” (speaking over cop’s shoulder) “You ready to check out, Eddie?”
Eddie, loaded down with frozen hash browns and Hershey kisses: “Yup”
-Anne and Dan inevitably finding out. Eddie doing the shittiest job possible trying to lie.
Eddie, about the multiple selfies and videos of Venom with the public: “What, that? Isn’t that Spider-Man?? Maybe he went goth, you don’t know.”
Anne:
Anne: “Venom, come out.”
Venom, on Eddie’s shoulder: “…Hi Annie”
-When the Carnage vs Venom fight comes and Venom inevitably gets torn off Eddie, Eddie gets a solo badass moment against Carnage when he tries to kill Venom. Preferably with a flamethrower. Preferably with a cheesy-good one liner.
“Get away from him, you dick”
-Closing scene
Police, inundated with video proof: “This. This thing right here. Big toothy slime giant. Recently fought another redder toothy slime giant, in public, broad daylight. Disappeared again. Supposedly no witnesses. Sir, please. Please. Have you seen this cannibalistic pile of talking ink?”
Stan Lee: “…Isn’t that Spider-Man? I miss the old costume.”
What if instead of gilly weed Harry had showed up to the black lake challenge in muggle scuba gear like “like where’s your advanced magic now bitches? Got me a free fishing knife with this thing”
Honestly I just want an AU where Harry approached all his magical problems with muggle solutions. Nobody knows how to handle it because he’s supposed to be there learning magic but you know what, it fucking works.
Give me Harry Potter who is like fucking MacGuyver up in this shit, creating his own non-magical solutions to magical problems.
“Potter how did you get past the enchanted keys to the Sorcerer’s Stone?”
“I used a fucking net.”
“How did you get past the dragon?”
Harry shines a little red light on the wall “works on cats, why not a dragon”
“How did you get through the hedge maze?”
“Weed-b-gone, it’s like a pound. Nothing will ever grow there again”
It’s the final battle between Harry and Voldemort. The Dark Lord begins to prepare a spell to end Harry Potter’s life once and for all when….
Reblogging because this is funny and the gif is perfect.
This is how I imagine all the modern day muggleborns solve their problems, like they’re having a hard time with herbology, so they just head over to the room of requirement think “I really need a place where my damn cell phone is going to work” and the room makes it happen, then they go in, and call their gran and be like “hey can you send me like, a standard gardening kit? Thanks gran” they get it, and like all the various muggle science made things make herbology loads easier. A muggleborn kid decides they want to help Madame pomfrey in the hospital wing, and they notice she has to brew these really complex potions to help students with like, colds or allergies or whatever, they just write home and be like “hey, dad, can you send me like, 3 boxes of NyQuil and Claritin? Thanks” and then they show Madame pomfrey how the muggles fix illness.
a group of muggleborns all over the world start teaching the pure bloods at their various schools about the Internet and suddenly there are a bunch of Reddit threads called shit like r/potions and r/transfiguration where they’re all helping each other figure out how to do their homework and r/hogwartssecrets where they all start finding ways to screw with the stairs and create new secret passages and a special wizard version of ratemyprofessor pops up.
a small group of muggleborns who went home for Christmas all got those little BB-8 droids for Christmas and then used magic to make them sentient and repainted them to be unique and now there’s a bunch of witches and wizards walking around hogwarts with ball droid familiars
I suggest Harry Potter and the Methods of rationality tbh
i suggest harry potter and the methods of rationality
I want a Hawkeyes movie where Hawkeyes is deaf like in the comics, and in the first five minutes he loses his hearing aids, and the rest of the movie is silent except for a constant running commentary of what Hawkeyes is thinking until the very end when he gets his hearing aids back.
And there would be closed captions or something for when people use sign language.
And when people don’t sign and he has to read lips, they should get genuinely hard of hearing people to translate so that they know what words or phrases are hard to catch by lip reading.
Also, lots of explosions with no sound. I feel like that would just be cool.
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