I hate in the MCU or anything when the aliens or whatever are attacking and everyone’s just ‘oh yeah we be chilling just cowering over here’ as if seventy percent of humanity isn’t really angry all the time like catch these hands motherfucker I’ve bitten people for trying to steal my chips you think you can just steal my whole fucking planet YEET HERE COME MY TEETH film people be using responses to natural disasters but I promise if human sized things came to throw down humanity would be ready to fuck them up like yeah you got laser guns I got this dope ass stick I just found let’s go you ugly fuck
silentwalrus1: #yeah bicht!!!!!!#gimme the battle of new york with fuckin chitauri comin down and the shift manager of the times sq H&M has finally had Enough#Tracie bout to kill this alien with a traffic cone#’ JUST PRETEND THEY’RE TOURISTS’ she screams choking out goddamn Lizard Lite with her lanyard#10 feet away a park slope mom is beating an alien to death with her four year old’s knockoff eco friendly razr scooter#every single retail employee gets ten years’ worth of therapy in one day#captain america’s kill count: 83 aliens#kathleen from accounting: 94 and also her boss
– peter being That Person in the group accommodation that the rest of the hall genuinely doesn’t believe exists. like that room at the end of the hall no one ever seems to enter or exit?? peter’s. he comes in through the window. the rest of the hall are sure they met him once at orientation but they haven’t seen him since
– but sometimes they hear weird bumps in the night and muffled cursing and the resident stoner swears he saw tony stark go in there but nobody believes him
– *peter gets in from patrol at 4am* *see’s planner* “ah shit I have a lecture at 8″
– peter lying in bed as his alarm goes off the next morning: is it worth it. is it. do i even really need a degree? i could be a stripper. I have an okay body. strippers don’t have to get up for 8am lectures. is it r e a l l y worth it –
– peter at a morning lecture, with three coffees and a pack of redbull and one pen missing a lid “this is fine”
– “did that dude just down a pack of redbull like he’s doing shots” “same”
– u know that really annoying person who misses like 80% of the lectures but still somehow manages to get the highest mark on the exam? peter is That Asshole
– *peter showing up 10 mins late, bags the size of texas under his eyes, wearing pajama bottoms and a t shirt advertising iced tea, shaking from a lack of sleep/caffeine binge* “is this advanced chemistry?” “ancient history” “close enough” *collapses onto nearest desk*
– peter going around the freshers fair and grabbing every free thing in sight: pens, tote bags, notebooks, t shirts advertising shitty energy drinks, shoving everything edible in his mouth bc he’s a poor kid and he knows You Don’t Turn Down Free Food
– “Karen, how long can I survive on pot noddles and discount pizza before I die?”
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