I always liked Roger from 101 Dalmatians because I admire a person who, when faced with someone they dislike that’s invading their space, just aggressively plays jazz instruments at them until they leave.
Aside from being accomplished architects and artists, many bowerbirds are also skilled mimics. Male satin bowerbirds will imitate the calls of other local birds during their courtship displays. Even more startling, MacGregror’s bowerbirds have been heard imitating human speech, pigs grunting, and even the sound of nearby waterfalls.
There was a Fawn-Breasted Bowerbird at the Honolulu Zoo that was very good at mimicking human conversations, to the point where you could talk to him about like, Modern Art Theory or Gothic Symbolism and he’d nod along and go “ooh” and “Mm-hm” at the appropriate parts and was actually more helpful for fleshing out ideas than some of my professors at the time.
He also clipped every single eyefeather off the Green Peacock he was sharing a cage with to make the MOST MAGNIFICENT bower for the lady fawn-breasted Bowerbird in the next cage over. She was so pleased she laid him an egg, and managment decided to let the two lovers be together (once given some birdie birth control), and the Peacock was moved in with a much less ambitious Wilson’s Bird Of Paradise.
Concept: a post-apoc survival game where the premise is that the previous batch of heroes stopped one of those allegorical JRPG-style apocalypses, but the physical consequences didn’t magically undo themselves afterwards, so now everyone has to to deal with symbolic bullshit like your agricultural land being replaced with forests of stone hands, or that giant eyeball where your capital city used to be. The tone could be horror, but it’s not; rather, the emphasis is on how incredibly inconvenient it is for everybody that pieces of the world have been transformed into half-baked metaphors for hating your dad.
(sorry again for the hellish mess in your inbox earlier and. I hope you like this!)
Omg please don’t be sorry this whole thing is adorable and you are amazing for writing it. So cute and so awesome and GAH those two getting it on while everyone assumes it’s Mer!Soundwave cuddling Mer!Aid is FANTASTIC
So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.
She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.
This should make for an interesting story.
So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.
Arrival:
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”
Retrieval:
So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.
Delivery:
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
What a great day.
This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.
I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.
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