Tag: yes excellent

nudatus:

These are two of my Okefenokee pygmy sunfish. The left is a male, the right is a female. They are two of the ten that I have, and I very much hope that they breed soon.

Pygmy sunfish really go all-out on the whole sexual dimorphism thing. It’s even more incredible considering they pack all that color into an inch of length.

copperbadge:

sassysnowperson:

copperbadge:

daisenseiben:

ethereal-insight:

tilthat:

TIL the Han Dynasty was founded by a sheriff who was transporting convicts when several escaped. Knowing the punishment for this was death, he freed the rest and organized many into a rebel band, eventually going on to help overthrow the ruling Qin Dynasty and install himself as Emperor.

via reddit.com

Talk about rolling with it

You ever fuck up so bad you overthrow a Chinese emperor?

I know what the Han Dynasty is, I swear, but I’m so used to seeing Star Wars content on my dash that until I hit “Qin Dynasty” I literally thought this was a Star Wars novel about the one time Han Solo took a job for the Empire and I was thinking 1) this is definitely something Han Solo would do and 2) I need to find the title of that novel so I can read it. 

Oh. OH. (I am on mobile, apologies for the formatting and lack of readmore. But this story DEMANDED TELLING)

A brief account of the Glorious Ascension of Emperor Solo:

  • It was a job, and the Empire was paying.
  • Did he like using the Falcon for prisoner transport? No.
  • Did he like his continued existance, which he was NOT AT ALL sure would continue if he turned down the offer. Quite a bit, actually.
  • Still, how hard could it be, bunch of drugged and restrained people from one place to another?
  • One day, Han Solo would learn not to ask that question.
  • What do you mean my motivator stopped working?
  • At least we’re near a spaceport.
  • What do you mean the skinny little one woke up?
  • At least he’s still restrained. I’ll just drug him again.
  • WHY AM I UNDOING HIS RESTRAINTS?
  • Aaaand, he’s gone.
  • Kriffing *magic powers* kriffing *old religions* I am going to DIE.
  • Oh, inspection time…yes…of course…we still have all the prisoners? Why wouldn’t we?
  • Aaaand, now the inspection officer is dead.
  • I don’t need you laughing at me. Wait, why are you awake enough to laugh at me?
  • Oh, because you’re a Wookie. Damn it didn’t they drug anyone properly?
  • Yes I do see you are not restrained anym-
  • STOP CRUSHING MY WINDPIPE
  • Look, I enjoy being alive. I will die if I show up without the skinny little mindflayer. Maybe we can work something out.
  • Set everyone free? Sure. Already on it. And then me and my ship will just go…hide in the outer rim for all etern-
  • You want my ship. My life or my ship….
  • I AM THINKING ABOUT IT.
  • Alright, fine, I’ll go with you. Oh no, I am definitely invited along, none of you lot know how to treat my girl right.
  • Stop laughing. What’s your name, anyway?
  • Okay, Chewie, we need a plan. You have a plan?
  • Oh you were a General. I just…set a General free…no big. Nooooo big everything is fine.
  • thisplanhadbetterworkoriamgoingtodieslowlyandpublicly
  • Take over port control and contact the Rebellion. Yes, of course, all for it.
  • goingtodiegoingtodie
  • Hey, this is actually going pretty smoothly. Oops.
  • Yes this is…give me his I.D.! Commander Ravisk, we are undergoing an emergency drill and I just need…everyone to evacuate, please. Thank you. Have a nice day. Long live the Emperor.
  • That worked pretty well if I do say so myself…is that a Star Destroyer?
  • Kriff.
  • Yes, of course, Admiral Pohlash, I’d be happy to board and discuss the nature of the emergency.
  • I hate this collar, it’s too tight. You sure we can’t just leave? I can outrun a Star Destroyer.
  • Okay, fine, I can’t get everyone on board, warm the ship up, launch, and then outrun a Star Destroyer with all its cannons pointed at me.
  • Yes I am Commander Ravisk, this is my manservant Jimminy.
  • I really don’t care if you don’t like the name, sell the bit
  • Hello Admiral. Oh. We’ve met before…um…facial surgery is the new big fad?
  • Yeah, that was always a longshot.
  • A dead Admiral, not like this day can get any worse.
  • One day, Han would learn.
  • Quick, lets get out of here…what do you mean we are no longer over the same planet?
  • WHAT DO YOU MEAN WE’VE BEEN SUMMONED BY A MOFF?
  • Ah, yes, of course, good job…anticipating orders…Ensign. Admiral out.
  • This collar is even worse.
  • Yes, good point, it’s a nice cape.
  • Hello Moff…
  • Yeah, I really shouldn’t be surprised by this point.
  • Sure, whatever, this is Moff Ispsiallion, I’m pleased to announce the celebration of the Emperor’s Half-Birthday! Everyone gets a day off.
  • Maybe we can get out of here.
  • What do you mean we can access the Imperial palace?
  • Why would we want to access the Imperial palace??
  • I’m am *not* going to depose the Emp…
  • Yes, yes, big fan of breathing.
  • Even with Moff clearence codes we couldn’t just walk in there.
  • What if we…no, bad plan.
  • Really, it’s a bad plan, General. I’m sure you can think of a better one.
  • Well…we don’t need to walk in there, do we? We’ve got a Star Destroyer. We just need an excuse to get it close enough…
  • What do you mean GOOD PLAN?
  • ORBITAL BOMBARDMENT IS NOT A GOOD PLAN.
  • They did what to your planet?
  • Okay, I’m seeing the benefits of this plan.
  • We’re going to die. You know that, right buddy?
  • Yeah, sure, worthy cause. Never thought I’d get one of those.

A Little Later:

  • Wow, bright eyes, no, I’m not Moff Ispsiallion. Was my youthful good looks or my regicide that tipped you off? I’m Han Solo, and I just killed the Emp-
  • Why are you kneeling?
  • EMPEROR SOLO!?
  • What do you mean forty percent of the fleet has sworn allegiance to me?
  • Orders?
  • Um…I’m going to defer to Grand Moff Chewbacca over here. He’s in charge of your ships, got that?
  • Good…good. I’m just going to go into this little room and lock the door.
  • *muffled screaming*

*STANDING OVATION*

(You can always count on Star Wars fandom to really take something and run with it.)

orchestraordie:

orchestraordie:

guys at my university I have a part time job where my sole responsibility is filling up the piano humidifaction systems with water

I literally am a piano waterer & tbh I kinda feel like I’m thriving

I feel like I need to add that I carry around this water jug that kinda looks like a regular watering can and when people ask me what I’m doing I just say “watering the pianos” and walk away

and-a-pidgey-in-a-wepear-tree:

scoutdoesstuff:

nonbinaryjasontodd:

twitter canceled

It becomes a pattern in the aftermath. 

Bruce has set up a makeshift lab in Wakanda, while the world takes stock of their dead and Wakanda mourns for their king. Bruce isn’t doing anything important, but he needs to do something, so he studies Wakanda’s vibranium supply and attempts to keep Shuri busy. 

Otherwise, the grief might just be too much for the both of them to bear. 

Bruce also tries very hard not to think about Tony and what form of matter Tony may or may not be at this very moment. He’s only moderately successful. 

It’s on the third day of the second week after half of the world has turned to ash that Thor brings Bruce a little green snake. Bruce is baffled, but he tried to be polite about it. Bruce is heartsick, though, so that makes everything a little harder. 

Then Thor asks for Bruce to see if the snake is Loki, and it takes every bit of willpower Bruce Banner poses to not burst into tears. Thor is so strong and so keen to smile, he makes it so easy for everyone to forget that he has lost nearly everything. 

Bruce pokes at the snake without any further complaints. When nothing happens, the grief on Thor’s face is unimaginable. 

Bruce begins spending time with both Thor and Shuri, in a desperate attempt to combat his own grief by combatting theirs. 

All the while, every second or third day, Thor brings Bruce a small green animal and asks Bruce to see if it his lost brother. Bruce checks every time, with care and precision, but the result is always negative. It’s awful for both of them, but Thor can’t seem to stop and Bruce doesn’t know how to make him. 

This pattern holds for a few weeks, until Thor brings Bruce a beaten and battered lizard. It’d been burned somehow and it looked like one of its limbs had been badly broken. When Thor presents it to him, Bruce honestly isn’t sure if Thor had just brought the little thing to Bruce to see if it could be saved. 

“Could you check?” Thor asks, the question quiet and hurt after so many weeks of negative results from Bruce’s prodding and poking. 

“Of course,” Bruce says softly, adding his portion of the call and response. 

He gingerly picks up the lizard, as the poor also looks like he’d been through the wringer, and gives him a quick once over. Bruce’d been right about the broken leg and the burns were pretty –

The lizard fucking turns into Loki. A damaged, burnt Loki who scuttles backward on a broken leg while spitting blood. 

Thor bursts into tears. Bruce bursts out laughing. Everyone has their own way of processing grief and shock and grief turned into shock, apparently. 

It’s later, when they’ve gotten Loki a little patched up, convinced Okoye not to kill Loki (”He tried to destroy the world!” she says – “He’s gotten better,” Bruce says), and Thor’s eyes were mostly dry, that Loki finally says through clenched, bloodied teeth: 

“They’re in a pocket dimension.”

“Who?” Bruce whispers, stunned. 

“Everyone. I told him he’d never be a god. He was just a warlord playing at being something powerful. He should’ve fucking listened.”

JUST THIS ONCE, ROSE, EVERYBODY LIVES

the-asexual-reaper:

wpsstories:

writing-prompt-s:

after dying god informs you that hell is a myth, and “everyone sins, its ok”. instead the dead are sorted into six “houses of heaven” based on the sins they chose.

We arrived first at the House of Lust. “House” is a misleading term. It was more of a camp, spread over acres and acres of lush forest. There was a white sandy beach (nude, of course) full of copulating couples. There were little cabins sprinkled all along the path, from which orgasmic moans regularly came belting out. Men with six pack abs and women with perky breasts strolled by without even noticing me and God. They only had eyes for each other, tickling and pinching each other with flirtatious giggles.

“What do you think?” God asked as we passed a nineteen-way taking place in a pool of champagne. Little cherubs flitted overhead armed with mops and cleaning supplies, thankfully. “Lust is our most popular sin.” I eyed the supermodel-like figures of a couple passing nearby, and could easily see why. “You can look however you want. Hell, you can be whatever gender you want. No fetish is too taboo, and no desire can be denied here.”

It was quite tempting, but I wasn’t ready to make a permanent decision here. “Let’s see the others,” I told God.

We carried on to Greed. We passed rows and rows of mansions, each more opulent than the next. Some of them were so large that they would have had enough bed rooms to fit my entire hometown. And so many different styles: one second, we were in a beautiful French vineyard in front of a gorgeous chateau with the Alps in the background. The next second, a warm tropical beach with a modern mansion atop breathtaking cliffs. After that, a ski chalet in Colorado with a roaring fire in a hearth large enough to fit an ox. Each one had various Italian sports cars and Rolls Royces parked in front, with the occasional smattering of boats, helicopters, etc.

“Any material desire you ever wanted,” God explained. “Your own world, where you can have everything. You want the Hope Diamond? You can fly to Washington DC in your own solid gold helicopter and buy it from the Smithsonian. Hell, you can just buy the Smithsonian.”

Also tempting, but I decided to keep looking.

Gluttony was next up. Tables and tables of the very finest foods: beautiful steaks cooked medium rare; butter-poached lobster tail; fresh oysters on a half shell; exotic wines in dusty bottles that had been hiding in the cellars of the world’s finest restaurants. Everyone had a glass of champagne in hand and simply lounged on couches and chairs near the tables, eating endlessly. As soon as the inhabitants took a bite, the food just instantly came back. My mouth watered even watching them.

“In every other House, the food is practically sawdust compared to Gluttony,” God explained. “You haven’t truly experienced heaven until you’ve been to Gluttony.”

I shook my head, and we kept moving.

Sloth was as you’d expect. An endless sea of the softest mattresses, stacked with cushions and pillows that made the story of the princess and the pea seem minimalist. Little angels visited each resident, giving them massages that made them all melt into their blankets.

Wrath was… well, a lot like what I’d expect Hell to be like. Fire, brimstone, whips, torture.. you know, the works. Except here, you weren’t the one being tortured. Every enemy you’d ever made in your real life was now under your thumb. “Lots of people choose their fathers,” God explained. “Lots of grudges against parents in general, you know. But you’re not limited to that. Someone beat you out for a big promotion back on Earth? Take your pound of flesh here.”

Then we arrived at Envy. It looked… well, a lot like home.

“Go on in,” God said, gesturing toward the door. I turned the knob and walked in… and found Emily waiting inside. She ran forward, wrapped her arms around my neck, and planted a kiss right on my lips. “Welcome home, honey.”

I looked back toward God. “Oh, don’t be coy,” he said. “You have no secrets from me. We all know that you were in love with your best friend’s wife.” She didn’t seem to hear him at all; she went back into the hall. “We all know that you just settled for your own wife while secretly pining after her. Well, this is your chance to live happily ever after.”

I peered into the kitchen. Emily was baking something, wearing nothing but an apron. Her curly black hair fell softly over her shoulder as she whisked ingredients. She turned back, noticed I was observing her, and an enthusiastic smile spread across her face.

“It’s what you’ve always wanted, isn’t it?” God whispered in my ear.

I wanted to take it. God damn did I want to take it. But I shook my head.

God seemed puzzled. “You need to make a decision,” he told me.

“I haven’t seen Pride yet.”

He scoffed. “No one ever wants Pride, trust me.”

“Well, I want to see it.”

_________________________

Pride was boring. Just a row of workbenches in a bare white room.

“I don’t get it,” I told God.

“Yeah, no one does,” he answered. “That’s why no one ever chooses it. Doesn’t cavorting in Lust sound better than sitting here building little trinkets for the rest of eternity? Wouldn’t you rather gorge yourself in Gluttony? Or spend time with Emily in Envy?”

I considered the options again. “I pick Pride,” I finally told him.

He narrowed his eyes. “What? Look at it!” He gestured around the room again. There wasn’t much to look at. “Why would you choose this for the rest of time?”

“Because you don’t want me to pick it,” I told him. If he was really God, he’d know what a contrarian I can be. And I knew he was hiding something, trying to pretend like Pride didn’t exist. There was something special about it.

God scowled back. “Fine.” He led me over to one of the workbenches. In the center, there was a black space. A blank, empty void that went on forever. “Here’s your universe,” he said. “You’ve got seven days to get started.” He took his seat at the bench next to me and went back to tinkering in his own world. After a long pause, he finally spoke again: “You know, it might be nice for me to actually have some company for once.”

FUCKING I MEAN.

IT’S LIKE 7AM AND I LOVE GONNA REBLOG SO I CAN READ THIS SHIT AGAIN