cat: hey you gonna eat that?
human: uh, that’s a rat. They’ve been showing up ever since we started harvesting grain. We don’t eat them, they eat our food.
cat: free game then. Cool.
human: be my guest.
cat: hey is this spot free? It looks warm and I need a place to have my litter.
humans: this is my house. Feel free, I guess, just don’t get stepped on.
cat: hey can you watch my kittens for me? I need to hunt and I don’t want predators finding them.
human: holy shit these buggers are cute. Nothing will happen to them.
cat: I am going to climb on your lap now and you are going to love me.
human: I’m ok with this.
Tag: yep
Norse mythology fails to convey the sense of terror that must have hung over Asgard every time Loki was gone for longer than eight months and three weeks
#okay but imagine the betting pool#is it gonna be half undead?#horse with too many legs?#a giant fuck off snake?#who knows! ( @much-ado-about-mothing)
Loki, holding up the newest baby Lion King-style: IT’S!!!!! A WOLF!!!”
underneath the rock: *dozens of creatures from all over Nine Realms muttering quietly, exchanging money*
#you fools #wolves gestate for only 2-3 months #and horses can be pregnant for over a year! #there is no period of time that they can relax for #literally any time he’s out of their immediate supervision #he might be coming back with another harbinger of ragnarok #bundled up in nappies [X]
Also you know that Loki regularly just…brings back random baby animals. That he found in the woods. Claims he gave birth to them. And people believe him every time.
#norse mythology#loki#is a serial adopter tbh#he just really loves kids okay?#like he rolls into asgard one day with a polar bear cub and is just like ‘this is my daughter and i love her’#and somebody actually gets up the nerve to ask if he found a motherless bear cub or if that’s actually his daughter#and loki just glares and says ‘yes’#and it’s only later they realize they still don’t…actually know whether he birthed this bear or not#but like…it’s a bear#so the only question for the aesir is whether it’s a sign of ultimate cosmic doom#or just the everyday kind of doom because /it’s a fucking bear/#fic in tags (via @fialleril)
honestly if you don’t think this is the best post, you’re wrong, and thats a fact
He ends up riding said bear into battle and that doesn’t really clear anything up for anybody.
Republicans: Felons should NEVER regain the right to vote. Got a felony for pot possession when you were 21? Fuck off. If you can’t follow the law, you don’t get to vote on the law.
Also Republicans: I mean, even if Kavanaugh IS an attempted rapist who drank underage in high school, whatever. It’s not disqualifying even if its true. I still think he should serve a LIFETIME POSITION ON THE SUPREME COURT.
Not only that, but he perjured himself 3 separate times in front of the Senate, first during his confirmation when Bush nominated him to the DC court, again during his SCOTUS hearing, and then again this past week.
Perjury is, wait for it, a felony.
hold on a second, why does this say ‘REGAIN right to vote’? Are prisoners in USA not allowed to vote???
Yeah in a lot of places in the USA any felony charge loses you the right to vote. It’s called felony disenfranchisement
… Wouldn’t that allow government to strip opposition activists of political rights by arresting them on manufactured charges? That sounds EXTREMELY undemocratic and easily exploitable.
You are correct.
It’s really not a “gen z are funnier than millennials” thing it’s just that high schoolers are consistently the funniest people alive no matter what year it is
It’s the insanity of being stuck in a building with a thousand other people your age who are all chronically sleep-deprived and panicking.
My FAVORITE THING is researchers who wholeheartedly embrace the Ms. Frizzle aesthetic and wear their field of study on their literal sleeve. Everyone in the invasive crayfish consortium has tiny lobster-print shorts or socks. All the middle-aged dad scientists here at the lab have shirts with fish and/or fishing tackle patterns on them. My moss specimen and ammonite earrings keep getting noticed by women who are wearing silver fishbone-shaped or native plant-themed earrings themselves. Every single person on the outreach team has at least one shirt with an anchor pattern on it from Old Navy, and almost all the younger researchers have tattoos featuring their research interests – one fisheries biologist has a half-sleeve of native species she literally uses as an outreach tool. We are self-aware and having a blast with it, honestly.
I adore the Ms. Frizzle aesthetic
Peter Parker, a Gen Z kid, screws up: Fuck, guess I’ll kill myself.
Steve Rogers, an artist during the 30’s and a soldier during WWII who knows full well what Dadaism and fatalistic humor are: There’s bleach under the sink–
Bucky Barnes, the guy who listened to Steve’s art rants in the 30’s, watched his back in WWII and went through 70+ years of shit: –And a rope in the supply closet if you want options.
Rest of the Avengers: ?????!!!!!!!?????
Shuri, also a gen z kid: don’t be a coward, jump out the window. Have some style would you
Alien: You shouldn’t eat that.
Human: What?
Alien: That thing. Don’t you know it’s extremely acidic? Enough to cause eventual deterioration of your flesh?
Human: ….it’s a fucking pineapple.
Alien: But that thing contains bromelain, it’ll destroy your body’s proteins!
Human: Not if I digest the bromelain first.
Alien: Humans are insane!
“Not if I digest it first” is an official human motto, in close competition with “not if I pet it first”.
BettSplendens Tumblr Evac 