Dolphins are if humans were wet tubes with no morals
A Dolphin was trained to save drowning people in exchange for fish!
[later]
We regret to inform you that the life saver dolphin has now drowned 40 people
That’s the dolphin who, upon being taught that giving her trainers found trash would get her a treat, stashed a huge piece of trash and gave them tiny bits at a time to get a treat for each one.
Dolphins are alarmingly smart. I can 100% guarantee that teaching a dolphin to save drowning people would result in that dolphin putting people in intentional danger in order to ‘save’ them.
proposal to rename executive dysfunction as ‘Bitch Toddler Dysfunction’ since it’s exactly like living with a horrible contrary small child who refuses to cooperate for fun and smacks things out of your hands but unlike a real toddler this one lives in your frontal lobe and if it says you’re not allowed to do laundry you’re unable to do anything about it
me: hey look I know you don’t really like doing homework but this one is just looking at pictures, okay? Do you wanna look at some pictures? We can have a hot cocoa while we do it and!! if we finish this before 4pm we can watch some TV!! How does that sound? :^)
the horrendous little goblin child who has both hands firmly on the levers on my brains control panel that make me move around and do things: *makes fart noises while I’m talking and hammers the button labeled ‘NAPTIME’ until I pass out*
let’s be real here girls. men who sincerely think that women are just confusing and don’t make sense have the emotional capacity and listening skills of a singular unsalted peanut and that’s the gospel truth
Hey, now that’s just unfair!
Some of them have the emotional capacity and listening skills of two unsalted peanuts.
For those who are wondering, this is not Photoshopped. It is not all that unusual for adult sulcatas to walk/burrow through drywall. Not necessarily for any particular reason, just because they feel like digging and can’t be bothered by the frivolity of human structures.
I like that this happens often enough that it is a known problem with this species
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