I have an idea for how to accomplish FTL travel: we somehow harness the terrifying d incomprehensible speed and power with which my dumpy tree frogs lunge for their meals. There is no reason why an organic being should be able to move that fast! It’s either superspeed or teleportation.
I see your frogs and raise you crested geckos.
I am convinced that they are some form of supersonic hobgoblin.
The Arctic Fox Research Center in Iceland put cameras in some bird colonies to see if foxes were stealing eggs/chicks
and turns out the foxes were UNJUSTLY ACCUSED
the culprits were horses
HEY THIS IS BAD
My grandfather grew up on a farm in Kansas during the Dust Bowl. He and his brother shared a horse named Patches, which they rode to school each day. Despite being poor as shit and not having quite enough to feed their animals, his family noticed that this horse looked great. His coat was unusually glossy and beautiful all of a sudden – he looked healthier than they did.
The mystery was solved when my grandfather went into the chicken coop to collect eggs, and saw Patches lifting the window cover, pushing his muzzle underneath the hens, and eating the eggs right out of their nests.
1) The BBC filmed horses eating fish on a beach of an English Island.
2) In Iceland pastured horses are provided, salted fish as a protein and mineral/salt supplement.
3) Horses have been known to consume raw meat and blood willingly in Arabia, New Zealand, and United States.
4) Lord Chamberlain of Bhutan confirmed that the 40 kings horses routinely received a special meal of Tiger fat and still feed their horses beef, and yak meat.
5) There was an American gelding in 1958 that routinely hunted and killed and even consumed small birds. He also repeatedly attacked humans. He was known as “Freight Train”.
6) Lisette a French mare, killed and consumed a Russian Officer during the Napoleonic Campaign.
Horses are now literally the most terrifying shit what the f u c k
I love how that list goes “fish, fish, opportunistic and pre-prepared meat, small birds, A WHOLE RUSSIAN OFFICER”
Greek mythology: aren’t the god great they only sexually harassed my wife and turned one of my children into a stag beetle this week
Norse mythology: dînghïr œne nüt got his name when he killed a lizard the size of every mountain in the world without Odin’s permission so Odin thought it would be funny to punish him by making him fart so hard one of his nuts flew off
Supercarrier: fandom flagship. Everybody and their dog ships it. The fandom is glutted with artwork and fic. You cannot escape this ship.
Dreadnought: massively popular. Nearly everybody ships it. You can, with dedication, in theory, reach the end of the AO3 archive for the ship’s tag, but it’ll take a long time.
Cruiser: pretty popular ship. Not everyone ships it, but everyone knows about it. Has a good amount of fic/art, and probably multiple ask blogs.
Frigate: just plain popular. Feels like it could use more fanworks. New people to the fandom might not know about it, but they’ll stumble across it sooner rather than later.
Gunboat: bit of a rarepair. It might have an ask blog or two. A couple big name fans ship it. Probably only takes a few weeks to get through the entire AO3 backlog, and one new fic gets added during that time.
Tugboat: rarepair. Almost never seen except as a side pairing to a more popular ship. You can usually get through everything on AO3 in a matter of days. You’ve forgotten what it is to be picky about what you read.
Rowboat: less than a dozen people ship it. You all know each other. You exist in an endless cycle of the same five people desperately producing art and fic and one person who constantly contributes headcanons.
Canoe: you are one of maybe three people who ship it, and there’s a not-insignificant chance you’ve never encountered those other two hypothetical shippers. You spend your days paddling furiously in hopes of keeping the ship afloat, dreaming of the day you upgrade to a rowboat so you can finally rest.
Submarine: Quite a few people ship it, but nobody wants to admit to shipping it. Will randomly appear and throw the other ships into confusion.
Pontoon: that random crossover ship with that one black dress character/trope/fandom everyone will ship with everything else. Has the potential to turn into a massive party until someone gets sick and everyone goes home.
Pedalo: That iconic bizarre crackship whose proponents claim they’re only into it ironically, but secretly they’re all dead serious.
Paging @amythe3lder for the pool noodle definition.
Barge: Not quite seaworthy, but buoyant in both the literal and figurative senses. Someone is always merrily drunktweeting about it at 11pm on Saturday night and then wistfully sobertweeting about it 4 hours later from their kitchen floor. The kind of ship that generates more playlists than fic. Artfully covered in trash and dirty laundry.
Raft: There’s two-to-four people who Ship It Hard and a few others who grab onto the side for safety when there’s drama on their usual flagship.
Barrel: There’s orphaned fic of it. There’s unsigned art of it. There’s headcanon asks on anon. Someone must ship it, but no one knows why or who they are. Your friend got a glimpse once before they ducked back down.
Pool Noodle: It’s just you, kicking your feet. You named the ship and wrote it on your noodle with a big sharpie. You tell people about it and are met with confused blinking. Most of the fics in the tag were either written by you or for you. You are caught between wanting to shout about how lovely life is on this floating scrap of whimsy and fearing that your noodle can’t bear much weight. Or worse, that someone will come over and dunk you, take your noodle and fwhap you on the head with it.
Scuba: Like a submarine, but it’s just you all by your lonesome, exploring the depths, possibly encountering more tentacles than anticipated.
mom watched a deer walk majestically through her yard and into the woods, and then heard a lot of splashing as it presumably fell in the creek, and then watched it go running back through her yard at high speed
BettSplendens Tumblr Evac 