So my trainer’s bf cheated on her. She broke up with him. He’s holding her stuff hostage until she agrees to talk with him. Which she refuses.
She trains; for free mind you; three college linebackers, a college wrestler, two martial artists, a body builder, and… wait for it…. a Navy seal. We’re gonna go get her shit for her.
This should make for an interesting story.
So everyone who commented on this being like the avengers, you are absolutely right. That’s what all of us had in our heads as we were rolling over to dude’s house. But I’m very proud to say, this ended without violence.
Arrival:
So the super friends all jumped into one of the linebacker’s explorer and headed over to dude’s house. Ok the squad: you all know me, but the other martial artist is a little wirey hapkido guy, the linebackers are all giants (an estimated combined weight of I’d say 750-800lbs), the wrestler looks like an escaped gorilla, then the navy seal looks like your average guy but something about him is unsettling. Really unsettling. Unfortunately, the body builder had to work. Anyway, we send the Hapkido guy and the wrestler to the door first and dude answers, screams at them, and then slams the door in their face. Then the giant linebackers head over and they ring the door bell again. Lo and behold, he was much more polite, but still denied access. Finally, me and the seal join the fray. I casually make my way towards the front of the group, but the seal decides to CLIMB THE BANISTER. We all just turned and started at him completely shocked when dude answers the door. He looks at this weird mismatched group of relatively threatening individuals and one guy perched on his banister like batman. He was like “FINE. Go take what you’re looking for.”
Retrieval:
So we’re all walking through the house gathering what we think are her things and putting them into two boxes. Mind you. We are completely guessing. We didn’t even tell her we were coming, therefore we had no list of items.The only one really being productive was Hapkido, who was legitimately looking for stuff. The linebackers were just randomly picking up furniture, turning it over, and putting it back down. Just showing off how strong they were. In case the numbers game wasn’t enough, I guess they were letting him know they could break him if they wanted to. The seal was just shadowing dude in his own house. Walking behind him, not saying much, just being creepy. Then there’s me. Who was causing general mischief…. He said to take what I was looking for, that’s what I was looking for. Ahaha and the wrestler made a fricken sandwich. Because “you guys look like you have it under control, and I’m a sucker for egg salad.” We were in and out in 15 minutes.
Delivery:
So the autobots rolled out and headed towards homegirl’s spot. She was conveniently outside when we rolled up. We got out and she was like, how do you all even know each other. The truth is, we don’t. She sent us all an email once and didn’t blind copy us all. She vented to all of us about dude holding onto her stuff and we started emailing and that was that. We told her that we went to see her ex. “OMG what did you say to him?” Nothing. We’re not messenger boys. We’re delivery boys. And we gave her her boxes of stuff. She went through the first box and said that was most of her stuff. Then she got to my box and asked “Wtf is all that shit.” So I explained that I took all the batteries out of his remote controls, his deodorant, the light bulb out of his master closet, every pair of dress socks that I could find, the laces out of his running shoes, and all the toilet paper in the house. The guys just looked at me and kind of nodded like they were impressed. She then unexpectedly started CRYING and thanked us. So you have this group of meat heads all standing awkwardly with this weeping trainer. It was quiet for a second when the seal was like “So…. chipoltle?” And we all got burrito bowls.
What a great day.
This is literally the most beautiful and thrilling tale. Start to finish.
I am almost in tears I am laughing so hard. This is beautiful. I can’t believe you took all the toilet paper. I’m dying. Help. It sounds like the start of a joke: two martial artists, a wrestler, two linebackers and a Navy Seal walk into a Chipotle.
I’m no expert, but that depends on the fish. For instance, you could keep one betta or none pirañas.
Aqadvisor.com is a site that can be used as a basic stocking estimate. It’s not a guarantee, and you do have to research the fish in question to make sure they aren’t an active species that needs loads of space, but you can use it to get a general idea of what your stocking level is.
That’s about an 8 gallon tank. The only suitable fish are very small ones, an inch or less. If you pick fish that size, you could keep about 10 of them, if you keep up with the water changes and have some simple live plants like java moss.
My fish suggestions are below. All are schooling fish that get to an inch long or so. Pick two groups of 5, or one group of 10.
Make sure your tank is cycled before you introduce any fish. Look up fishless cycling, fish-in cycling is inhumane. You’ll also want to get a water testing kit so you can check ammonia, nitrites, and nitrates. You should never see ammonia or nitrites in your tank except when it’s cycling without fish.
Don’t replace your filter media. Rinse it gently in a bucket of tank water and then put it back in the filter. Your good bacteria live in there and in the substrate. If the power goes out, remove the filter media from the filter, gently rinse it in a separate container of tank water, and place it into the tank itself to make sure that bit of water in the filter doesn’t go stagnant and kill the bacteria.
Suitable fish for a roughly 10 gallon tank:
Neon tetras
Glowlight tetras
Penguin tetras
Porkchop rasboras
Harlequin rasboras
Pygmy corydoras (prone to losses when freshly imported)
Dwarf corydoras (same)
Guppies (all male. 6 female guppies would also work but you’d need to regularly remove the fry)
Chili rasboras and phoenix rasboras are extremely tiny, you could keep 20 of them in a planted tank that size, but they’d have to be kept alone so as not to be bullied by other fish. 10 of them and 5 of the cories above would also work.
You could also substitute a single dwarf gourami for 2 of the above fish, or a sparkling gourami for one, but keep in mind that all schooling species need at least 5 members of the school.
A betta may or may not do well in a tank with all of the above except the guppies. Some bettas are too aggressive, some are too easily stressed. A female betta would have a better shot. If you add a betta, make sure you have a suitable tank (at least 5 gallons, so about half the size of this one) to put the betta in if it doesn’t get along well.
You could keep 5 or so African clawed frogs instead of fish.
8 White Clouds are suitable, but are coldwater fish. Their water needs to be about 76 degrees, not 78 like the others.
Nerite snails are suitable for any of the above tankmates, and one or two don’t count towards your stocking level. You need to have the tank cycled for a month or so first to be sure there’s algae for them to eat.
if lord megatron even so much as suggests incorporating that Stink Basket into an amorous endeavor i will. i will.
…most likely quietly dismiss myself and fly to the nearest landfill where i will proceed to pile debris atop myself and wait for death
I take it Lord Megatron’s presence does NOT counterbalance the librarian’s. Can you imagine how they’d sound together, though? You can’t possibly deny that there’s a nice voice attached to your foe there.
……..not unreasonable but also untrue. good guess. though i do not know how one would get the impression that the only reason myself and laserbeak “get along” is our similar perception of the physical space around us
Anon’s inference: Dadwave is a dolphin, perhaps bat
the true face of soundwave
delete this image immediately. earth organic species ‘dolphins’ are horrible demons and i will NOT be associated with them
“guys wearing dresses” is a tired punchline for a joke, not to mention kinda sexist and transphobic.
“guys wearing suits of armor” now that’s comedy gold.
The more inappropriate the situation is for a suit of armor, the better.
A lot of people bring up formal dances in the notes as an inappropriate situation, and while that’s true, I don’t think you’re going far enough.
Imagine going square dancing in a full suit of armor. and a cowboy hat. Or a monster truck derby. Imagine doing a sexy carwash in a full suit of armor.
The possibilities are endless.
“OK, ready to sneak into the bank? Rookie, what are you wearing?” *rookie adjusts full-suit armor* “my best”
the lord of the rings gets a lot funnier when you realise that merry and pippin were stoned out of their minds a good half of the time
imagine you and your best friend both have the munchies so you decide to
raid the local farmer’s field when you literally run into your two of
your smoking buddies from the shire and they tell you they’re hiking to
bree to meet gandalf, who you know has some top quality hash stashed on
his person at all times, so you agree to go with them and somehow end up
on a thousand-mile hike to destroy a piece of evil jewellery in a
volcano. congratulations. you’re merry and pippin now.
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