Tag: sexualities

discoursette:

Honestly being “demisexual” is fine if you want to ID with that label, but you’ve gotta recognize that it’s also something that MOST people experience, the vast majority of people don’t have a desire for sex with strangers, most people don’t have sexual feelings until a bond is formed, and only wanting sex with people you know well DOESN’T make you LGBT. It makes very little sense to put a label on it that sounds “queer” and alternative and then hype up this way of experiencing attraction as if people are systematically oppressed for not having sex with strangers.

A straight cis woman who only wants to have sex with men she has emotional connections with is just your average straight cis woman and benefits entirely from straight privilege and is not LGBT or queer in any way so jot that down

Demisexuality isn’t only wanting to have sex with people you’re in a relationship with, it’s only ever being attracted to people once there’s an established relationship. 

Someone who isn’t comfortable having sex with a stranger isn’t demisexual. 

Someone who is never physically attracted to strangers, ever, is. 

There’s a difference between “oh, I don’t want to have sex with them, I don’t know them” and “why would I find them hot? I don’t know them”. People who aren’t demisexual look at other people and think “oh, they’re hot” in one way or another sometimes, people who are demisexual don’t. 

silbrig-guelden:

Like just stop for a second with the “grey ace” and “demisexual” and “sapiosexual” labels and think about what it says about our pornofied, oversexualized society that “wanting to get to know people before having sex with them” and “wanting your sexual partner to have a good, compatible personality” and “not wanting to fuck everyone you meet” are now considered atypical sexual orientations instead of common fucking sense.

That’s not what everyone is saying, though.

People who are demisexual are not attracted to someone they don’t have an emotional relationship with. Physical attraction does not happen until they know the person emotionally. There is a massive difference between “I don’t know that person, so I’m not attracted to them” and “I don’t know that person, so I won’t have sex with them, but they’re hot anyway”. A lot of people choose not to have sex with attractive people that they don’t know, whereas demisexual people are not physically attracted to strangers. 

It’s the same reason why being celibate does not mean you’re asexual- there is a difference between not acting on attraction and not being attracted in the first place.

Sapiosexual people are turned on by intelligence, not compatible personality. This technically might be closer to a fetish than a sexuality, but it’s definitely something that people experience, and it has nothing to do with personality.

Grey asexual people are a bit more complicated to sum up. The closest summary is probably “I am generally not attracted to people but it happens every now and then”, but it’s something of a catch-all term for people who are near asexual but occasionally experience physical attraction to others. It may also indicate people who are asexual but have a strong libido, or who aren’t quite comfortable calling themselves asexual for other reasons.

Also, there is nothing shameful about wanting to have sex with strangers. It would be shameful to expect that of others, but close relationships are not necessary for sex. Nor are sexual encounters with strangers necessarily unhealthy, as long as common sense is used in choosing partners.

eevachu:

I went off on twitter. This was mostly about sexuality, but it fucking applies to gender too, Melissa.

Transcript:

“Why are there new terms for sexualities? They sound made up.“ 

 Yes, Susan, that’s language; A BUNCH OF MADE UP SOUNDS THAT EVOLVE OVER TIME

This isn’t the 40s, Bob; I’m not a hep cat homophile, I’m a tired lesbian who wants you to leave the nice demi/pan/aro/ace/etc queers ALONE.

All they wanna do… is have a nice succinct name… and a nice little flag… AND WALK IN THE PRIDE PARADE LIKE THE REST OF US, MIKAELA.

I’ll put it this way: 

 "If thou dost protest thine word’s natural evolutions, mayhaps THOUST GET THEE TO AN INN FOR THINE ELDERY, HORATIO.”

Perhaps… have some empathy & maybe think about how people are different from you & that doesn’t invalidate either of your feelings, Chad.

“Everyone has to make an emotional connection before they’re sexually attracted to someone.“ 

 No, Lucy, I’d bang hot total strangers.

But hey… if you think that… maybe… YOU SHOULD LOOK UP THESE SEXUALITIES YOU’RE SAYING ARE MADE UP AND REASSESS YOUR’S, SHAKIRA.

We make up new words b/c we need a new word. That’s how you know that an “app” is the word for the application on your microcomputer, Lou.

So I’m sorry if you’re lazy/new words scare/threaten you in your  old age. But these are my queer sisters/bros/NB kin & they’re REAL & VALID

Source: twitter.com