Welcome to another “my best friend and I send each other headcanons” this time featuring the Batman Lego Movie somehow followed by a discussion of Talia? I don’t know how that happened
Okay, okay, okay, I’ve been reading posts with this tag for the last hour. I feel like I need to contribute… so here’s some #onlyingotham tweets:
I think it’s one of the batfam’s birthdays cause there’s loud chanting from atop my building and confetti is falling from the sky. #onlyingotham
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Apparently the fire escapes on the apartments near the police station are a popular place for the bat kids to watch YouTube on their phones. I’ve been hearing sport fail videos and laughing out my window every night for the last two weeks. #onlyingotham
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So today during my self defence class, Robin comes barging into the gym and yells, “try those kind of pathetic manoeuvres here in Gotham and you’ll be found dead in an alleyway.” This child then proceeded to show us how to PROPERLY defend against GOTHAM robbers and how to NOT die.
#onlyingotham
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I was studying late at a cafe for an early morning exam. Red Robin, Spoiler, and Catwoman came in for I guess(??) a coffee brake at two in the morning. Catwoman was lecturing Red Robin and Spoiler about how to properly dry clean blood from clothing…. #onlyingotham
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I was walking home from work and I saw Nightwing swinging on a fire escape and he yelled, “Marco!” Red Hood jumped from another roof and yelled “Polo!” as he swings through the street. God, I love this city 😛 #lmao #onlyingotham
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There’s this dinky little bar I go to after work. Today Oswald Cobblepot came strutting on in, payed for everyone’s drinks, and left with a beer. #onlyingotham ??
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Yesterday I saw this old guy in this huge green vampire cloak arguing with Robin on the street about betraying family duties… #onlyingotham
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So Superman paid a visit to Gotham. I literally just saw him flying through the streets, carrying a flailing Robin and a whining Super Boy. #onlyingotham
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Whenever I have a bad day I go to the roof of my apartment building and watch the sun set. Last night, Nightwing saw me and joined me on the ledge after he thought I was going to jump. I’m totally fine, don’t worry guys :P. Apparently he loves watching cartoons. His favourite character is Zuko from Avatar because he reminds him of his younger brother. #onlyingotham
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I think Red Hood must be grounded or something cause while I was buying a chocolate bar from my local 7/11… Batman is standing outside the foggy glass windows, arms crossed, and tracking every move Red Hood makes in the store. #onlyingotham
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I think I just saw one of the bat kids almost die(can they even die??)… that Robin kid, who fell from above, is laying on the pavement and rubbing his arm as this guy in blue and black tights stands beside him, lecturing some kid with a long stick on the roof who’s yelling, “He spiked my coffee with salt!!” Then the blue and black one is yelling, “he’s trying to prevent you from overdosing on caffeine. You need help!” Then the stick one, “Bullshit! You defend him on anything!” “Red Robin, you had a mini heart attack the other day.” Then the Red Robin kid just flicked them the bird and now he’s stomping down the roof… what did I just witness? I’m just a guy from Metropolis, is this a daily occurrence here? #onlyingotham
@guyfrommetropolis yah, if your give the one with the staff(Red Robin) a coffee he’ll buy you cookies and love you forever 😛
Ever since they were little, the batboys have spoken differently as Bruce Wayne’s Wards™ than they have as his sons and as vigilantes.
Dick speaks with a wide conglomeration of accents so thick his English is barely intelligible, excusing it to the public as his circus upbringing, when really it’s just a game of a) “see how many accents I can slip into one sentence” (the record is something over thirty) and b) “see how unbelievable I can make it that Dick Grayson could ever be Robin/Nightwing because he speaks fluently”.
Jason caught on to Dick’s game and started seeing how many Spanish phrases, metaphors, and curse words he can fit into a conversation.
Tim thought it was a good idea to help keep their identities secret (of course he made the connection as soon as he figured them out), and his parents had neglected him kept him out of the limelight enough that he could believably begin speaking with what he described as “a Yiddish accent with Chinese oral posture and Italian colloquialisms”. He made a flow chart with why that specifically. Seriously, a flow chart. He still has it somewhere.
Damian had spent much of his life watching his brothers and plotting their respective demises, so when he came to Gotham, he assumed it was standard procedure and started speaking a heavy Arabic accent whenever he left the manor out of uniform.
The press loves it. They love praising Bruce for taking in such poor, unfortunate, culturally diverse (and sexually diverse! – Dick’s pansexuality is well known, and the rest of them didn’t get to stay in the closet very long either) orphan boys.
Bruce looks on with exasperated fondness. Even if he doesn’t know what the hell Dick’s saying 90% of the time.
Batman’s whole basis is the idea of scaring criminals, right?
well, sure, outright intimidation through brute force works for that.
But the whole reason a bat was chosen is that the average person doesn’t understand how cute and cool they are, and finds them creepy and gross.
So let’s play that up. A Batman who uses his training in escape artistry, stage magic, and contortionism to move in ways people think humans shouldn’t be able to move. A Batman who reacts to things that he shouldn’t be able to (because his suit is wired with sensors and Alfred is monitoring things through hacked security feeds). A Batman who has a Slasher Smile.
Give me a Batman who, for the villains, seems like a cryptid. An urban legend on the level of creepypasta, some half-glimpsed shadow who, instead of being scary because of his muscles, is scary because holy shit what was that? What just happened? I’m outta here, man!
Give me a Batman where his battles with characters like Scarecrow and the Joker seem more like one of those crossover films where two horror movie monsters fight it out.
reblog, this had exactly one thousand notes. I was not expecting that, so i feel i should specify in regards to Robin:
I mean a Robin who is unsettling precisely because of people having the reaction of what the fuck is this bright and cheery child doing hanging around with an escapee from the SCP Foundation?
I mean a Robin who is a little too bright and cheery, maybe. And you start to wonder amidst all the smiles and quips, why exactly this particular “robin red-breast” has that shade of red on their chest. Why the red looks a little more brownish, why this child smells coppery when they lean in close to tell a joke. Are you sure they’re a child? Are you sure there’s just one of them?
While you’re wondering this, back at the Batcave, Bruce and the like six different kids who act as Robins are having a laugh and reapplying the fake blood Alfred bought in near-bulk quantities at the Gotham Party City during the last After-Halloween sale.
I am all in for fanged Batman crawling head downward down a blackened wall, light reflecting off of lenses designed to mimic the tapetum lucidum, filling criminals’ ears with a near-ultrasound shrieking.
I’d particularly like it if the movie were shot like a horror movie, so that even the audience doesn’t see Batman properly until at least half an hour in. Then we see Bruce Wayne at some Society shindig, being an affable yachting 1% broseph douchebag, until there’s a cry for help. He ducks into a stairwell, loses the blazer and loafers, and then slips out a tiny window with double-jointed knees and shoulders.
Batman’s whole basis is the idea of scaring criminals, right?
well, sure, outright intimidation through brute force works for that.
But the whole reason a bat was chosen is that the average person doesn’t understand how cute and cool they are, and finds them creepy and gross.
So let’s play that up. A Batman who uses his training in escape artistry, stage magic, and contortionism to move in ways people think humans shouldn’t be able to move. A Batman who reacts to things that he shouldn’t be able to (because his suit is wired with sensors and Alfred is monitoring things through hacked security feeds). A Batman who has a Slasher Smile.
Give me a Batman who, for the villains, seems like a cryptid. An urban legend on the level of creepypasta, some half-glimpsed shadow who, instead of being scary because of his muscles, is scary because holy shit what was that? What just happened? I’m outta here, man!
Give me a Batman where his battles with characters like Scarecrow and the Joker seem more like one of those crossover films where two horror movie monsters fight it out.
reblog, this had exactly one thousand notes. I was not expecting that, so i feel i should specify in regards to Robin:
I mean a Robin who is unsettling precisely because of people having the reaction of what the fuck is this bright and cheery child doing hanging around with an escapee from the SCP Foundation?
I mean a Robin who is a little too bright and cheery, maybe. And you start to wonder amidst all the smiles and quips, why exactly this particular “robin red-breast” has that shade of red on their chest. Why the red looks a little more brownish, why this child smells coppery when they lean in close to tell a joke. Are you sure they’re a child? Are you sure there’s just one of them?
While you’re wondering this, back at the Batcave, Bruce and the like six different kids who act as Robins are having a laugh and reapplying the fake blood Alfred bought in near-bulk quantities at the Gotham Party City during the last After-Halloween sale.
I can’t believe Gotham has a Party City that hasn’t been burnt to the ground by citizens convinced supervillains are about to converge on it (see also: florists, refrigerated storage units, aquariums (pet shop and public alike), joke/magic shops, costumers, haberdasheries, etc).
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