I do feel bad for plants in general. Like, I know they are often as vicious as animals in many ways, just slower. But, I mean, they just show up and they’re like, “I Think I Will Evolve To Eat The Sun And Also Make Oxygen And How Now Is All This.” And, like, everything fucking dies at first (totally not plants fault, btw. okay maybe it was but they didn’t mean to) but then new things evolve. And they’re like, “Fuck it, eating each other suuuucks. Let’s eat the plants which give us life.” And so we start doing that. And plants are all, “Oh Dear No, I Do Not Care At All For Being Eaten. I Will Make Myself Into Poison Sometimes.” But, y’know, stuff kept eating plants anyway so plants, ever the bro, came up with a new idea. “I Have Made A Decision About Being Eaten And You May Eat Me Friends And Here Is An Especially Tasty Bit Packed All Full of Delicious Sugars Which I Have Produced At Great Cost (What They Do Not Know Is That My Seeds Are Within And Shall Be Propagated Near And Far By Their Dung)“ But that’s not good enough for animals, no, not at all. We love the fuck out of some pomegranates but also alliums which are like, “I Have Not Decided To Go In For This Being Eaten Business. I Shall Be Very Foul Tasting And Also A Poison.” But no, sorry, onions, you fucked up. You accidentally wound up with a species that just doesn’t give up or fully comprehend the idea of things tasting “”‘bad’“’ or other concepts like not eating poison. (Sorry, plants, later we turn some of you who are not poison into a poison we consume recreationally. We really enjoy eating poison.) Legit, alliums are deadly to, like, every other species. And we call them aromatics and throw them in everything. Peppers are the best, though. They completely got on the being eaten train. BUT ONLY BIRDS Peppers are like, “You May Eat Me, Fair Avian, For You Are Sure To Spread Me A Great Distance. But, Mammal, Take HEED. Should You Eat Me Then I Will Burn You Most Terribly.” And we were all about that. “The FUCK, burning? I love pain,” said humans, presumably. “You know, peppers, you and evolution have done a good job at burning us but I am pretty sure we could make your chemical agony even more potent. Come hang with us,” humans added to a very confused pepper just before creating the ghost chili.
where is my bog real estate agent to select the correct peat for me to decompose in
If you just want a little bit of flashy, try a peat bog that has carnivorous plants in it. Sarracenia pitchers are native to much of the U.S, and in the Carolinas you can find Venus flytraps, plus sundews in a lot of other areas. Orchids are popular bog decor as well.
Those neat plants are generally found in sphagnum peat, made from sphagnum moss, rather than peat made from decayed reeds and shrub-like plants. Truthfully, the differences in chemical composition of peats are minimal. I prefer sphagnum peat for the carnivorous plants, but there are interesting things in sedge peat as well. Regardless of what some people will try to tell you, you should pick your bog mostly based on your personal aesthetics rather than exact specifications of the peat- it’s the acidity and lack of oxygen that are important. I personally love the imagery of Venus flytraps and their pseudo-fangs, but you may prefer the drowning pools of the Sarracenia pitchers or the relentless glue of the sundews. Or perhaps you prefer the straightforward but strange beauty of the orchids?
Regardless of aesthetic, if you purchase an area of bog to bury yourself in, the rare plants living in it will be safe from industrial development!
Be sure to request that your burying assistants be careful with the top layer of bog and place it all back as it was, the plants should cope just fine with the disturbance. You needn’t worry about your chemical or nutrient content, either, the lack of decomposition means most of that will stay contained and won’t affect the plant life around you.
I just don’t understand how this happened. But here’s a picture of a lemon from my backyard
WHAT THE EVERLOVING FUCK
when life gives yoǘ̻̬͓͎̣̟̩̦͢ ͪ̂̀̆҉̳̘̝̺̀l͇̬̹̞̻̥͕̥̗̒̎ͩ̋ͥ͆e͙̭̭̠̣̠̊́ͩ̂̓̀ṃ̛̍̂͛̈̏o̠̪̪ͤ͗͘n̵͉̣ͭͧ̿ͧ͛̀s̷̠͑ͬͫͦ̅͡ ̸͐ͤ͘҉̦̺M̰̹͙͇ͮ̉ͫͅȦ̻̔̅̇̑ͭ͛͋͘K̠̻̫̤̇̀ͥE͂ͪ͏̱̤͚͕ ̞͔̜̬̑ͯ͑͢ͅŞ͔̦̩̳̣̖ͮ͊ͨA͈̓͂̈́̀̀̚͘C̡̠̟͉ͪ͆̔ͤ͂ͪR̬͙͕ͪ̀͠Ĩ̵̖͚̑̊̓́F͎͕̄Iͬͧ̀̂̑ͪ͟͏̴̪̤ͅC̢̰̝͓̗͛ͬ̔̍̓́́̚̚Ḙ̶̠̰̳̩̳̊ͭͮ̇̇̚̕S̻͖̣̰̒̈͟
it’s back
Satan lemon
every villain is lemons
And finally, dear listeners, a reminder; several concerned citizens have brought to the city’s attention an irregularity surrounding this summer’s citrus harvest. City council would like to remind all enterprising fruit pickers to exercise reasonable caution when acquiring these fruits. Grasp the fruit firmly around its circumference, pull slowly but steadily to avoid damaging the tree, and under no circumstances heed its demands of you. Do not acknowledge or obey the depraved whisperings of the demon fruit.
And now: The Weather.
This kind of looks like a Buddha’s hand to me
they’re a type of Citron, a citrus closely related to lemons. I wonder if whatever causes that twistedness in Buddha’s hands is present but dormant/recessive in other citruses?
a lot of people having been messaging me about this, and honestly i had no idea that Buddha’s hands existed and it totally seems likely to me??? like honestly that seems like a really plausible explanation, especially because when we look at the demon fruit, the twisty ‘arms’ are going off in all different directions when the only place i can see a twisty arm happening on a lemon is on the top. like if the fruit is developing from the original growth point into a body then why are the offshoots developing the opposite way, from a body into a twisty thing? when in a Buddha’s hand, it totally makes sense because the twisty things are growing outward anyway.
im no pomologist but the similarities in the growth patterns really do reflect in The Demon Fruit.
A+ content important I would also suggest soft goth things such as
blackbird euphorbia (maybe tender here maybe niagara goths can have u)
black negligee bugbane
chocoholic bugbane (tbh all bugbane is prolific and spoopy and wonderful)
hellebore black swan maybe also tender?
black truffle cardinal flower
the ever fave heuchera obsidian
britt marie crawford ligularia FAVE JURASSIC LOOKING BB
and obv purple smokebush for soft goth smoke monster vibes
thank the dark goddess for you! Saving this post!
Black pearl pepper is another good one, I can attest that they look really cool in person. Aside from being ornamental, the little peppers are edible, and I think decently hot? I haven’t tasted them though so idk about that part
Black Pearl plants are EXTREMELY drought hardy and the peppers taste great, yes! I love mine even though I’ve given it less than stellar care; I’ve had it for…almost 10 years I think!
These pictures are so cute and so is the article.
Black Mondo grass also.
Also this is a tropical moat places but bat flower/ Tacca chantieri
Bat flower
OMG I’ve wanted a black garden since my gothy little 13 year old Heart thought of it! One dayyy!!!
I feel like there has to be some kind of botany joke in the similarity between the words “areoles” and “areolas”
I mean this is literally a cactus that exists so (that’s Montrose Myrtilocactus geometrizans)
Also there’s an entire genus of popular cacti, Mammillaria whose name legit means “nipple”
Also after brief googling, it seems the words are related, areole coming from areola. The areole is actually the little bud that cacti spines sprout from. Botanists have been looking at cacti for centuries and going “ah… a titty”
me, a 1800s botanist: *is first to name a beautiful result of evolution that has been evolving for longer than my brain can feasibly imagine*
me: look like titty..name titty bush
Humans have always been humans, even the smart ones.
amorphophallus gigas (recent studies have been suggesting that the ancestor of titanum might have been a natural hybrid between this one and another in the family)
The fact that the location of the world’s oldest tree has to be kept secret encapsulates everything that’s bad about humanity.
There’s a story about that, actually.
According to the smithsonianmag.com, the world’s oldest bristlecone pine was a nearly 5,000 year old tree later named Prometheus. In 1964, a man named Donald Rusk Currey decided to use an increment borer to determine its age (a process that cuts a small hole into the center of the tree trunk, and is not intended to kill the tree). Unfortunately, the borer got stuck. He and a park ranger cut the tree down to remove the equipment, and when they counted the tree rings, they realized their mistake. Oops. This incident lead to better protection of the remaining bristlecone pines.
There’s some wiggle room about what can be called “the world’s oldest living tree.” The world’s oldest living single tree is the tree that the OP is referring to. Its name is Methuselah,and it is also around 5,000 years old. Since its location is unknown, nobody knows what it looks like. But it might be this tree here:
But technically, it isn’t the oldest living tree. Let me explain.
It turns out that root systems of trees can send up genetically identical saplings (aka clones) via their root systems. Like so:
Which means the original trunk can die, but since the root system is attached to other trees which give it nutrients, it lives on. The root system can theoretically do this indefinitely. So the tree trunks could be fairly young, but the roots could be large and very, very, very old. So the oldest “tree” isn’t a small grove, it’s a logic-defyingforest.
I’d like you to meet Pando.
This male quaking aspen covers 106 acres and is ancient. I’m talking an estimate of 80,000 years. The trees you can see are just “shoots” he sent up, and their average age is 130 years old. He is his own forest. If trees could talk, I’d love to hear what he had to say.
He might be dying, due to insects and drought (hmm, wonder what could have happened to cause that). A section of Pando is being studied in an attempt to find a solution. But in the meantime, we can enjoy him for his beauty.
A very unique entry in the realm of the roses. The appropriately named wingthorn rose, is grown not for its flowers, but for its showy thorns. The thorns start off bright red on new growth and are actually quite pliable at this stage, it’s when the canes age further that they become brittle and hard. At first glance the flowers appear unremarkable but they actually have only four petals when roses usually bear a minimum of five… Yes, that’s a big deal!
BettSplendens Tumblr Evac 