So I promised my wife I would tell this story because she said she would pay me with a 1946 wheat penny if I did, and I was like “Sure, lady, if you can just conjure one out of thin air” and then she pulled one out of her bra. So like…. you do what baby asks when she delivers a 1946 wheat penny from her magic titties.
ANYWAY this morning she woke up at like 2 fucking a.m. and decided to just stay up. I, a lazy and exhausted sunnovagun, kept sleeping until about 4:30 when she woke me up for good.
Now, let me set this scene. I’m laying there dozing and comfortable and probably dreaming and suddenly a figure slips into bed beside me, curling her arm around me and giving me a very slight, very gentle shake. And when I crack open my eyes, the light filtering in from the open window is blue, cool and carrying that summer morning hue that lays like chiffon over everything it touches. She’s got herself propped up on an elbow and she’s looking at me like nothing else matters in the world. Like she’s been awake two hours without me and even that is too long and I think to myself that I missed her too, even if I didn’t realize it while I was asleep, because everything just feels right when she’s laying beside me.
And I feel tears start to well up because I love her so much and she looks almost pale in the light, unreal and completely angelic but for the fact that I can feel her pressed up against me, so human and familiar. And she’s quiet and beautiful and soft beside me under the covers and her hand is so gentle where it rests on my belly and this woman is my wife. I have the incredible and unfathomable fortune to wake up to her, blue in the morning light.
And outside the window, a clutch of leaves rustles– once, insistent. I hardly hear it, but baby… baby’s eyes widen and she stares at me with shock, maybe even fear, and in a whisper almost too quiet to hear, almost indecipherable to my tired mind, she takes one cautious glance out the window and says the first words she’s uttered all morning…
“Squirrels’re fucking.”
And this is honestly just one moment among many thousands of moments that has made me realize that she is, in fact, the most perfect human being, and I am honored to be allowed to spend my life with her.
Posted this before this blog existed. It definitely belongs here. Sometimes we still whisper “squirrels’re fucking” to each other.
My gf: mimes are to clowns as dogs are to wolves
Me, trembling: what
I love clown shitposting as much as the next person, but for once my weirdly specific college education of mimes has a chance to shine because the opposite is actually true. Modern western clowning is directly descendant from ancient greek pantomime. Clowns are actually the watered down, domesticated funny makers to the raw stylings of mimes.
…Man, I’d even make fun of myself for adding this comment on.
You look at a mime and tell me that doesn’t have the raw, untamed energy of a wolf. The clown is the tamed household one, colorful and designed to warm hearts and bring chuckles and entertain. But a mime…..that is something savage and unbridled from the wilderness. You ask a mime to make you laugh and it will go for the jugular. Not to say a clown is unable to go feral, just the opposite. It’s just that approaching a mime in its natural habitat without due respect, expecting it to be the same creature as your auntie’s pedigree purebred Bozo, will be the last mistake you ever make.
JESUS, how many times do I have to tell people this: neither mimes or clowns are tame. Comparing them with this “dogs vs. wolves” junk is just spreading misinformation! Just because a grizzly bear looks more cuddly than a shark does NOT mean you should give it a hug. People trying to get friendly with clowns, feeding them from campsites, etc. is dangerous and shouldn’t be encouraged.
I saw someone fly backwards off a treadmill today and I was laughing so hard I fell off the crosstrainer which made the girl next to me laugh so hard that she slipped off hers and it was 7:30 in the morning and there were just 3 of us sitting on the floor of the gym crying with laughter and in varying degrees of pain
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