scott lang, completely misunderstanding peter parker’s power: hey if u want man we could get tiny and just like hang out, i don’t know if you’ve ever been in a lego castle but it’s pretty sweet
peter parker: u have no idea how much physical pain having to turn this offer down is causing me but,
Scott Lang, upon realizing Peter Parker can’t shrink: oh okay no biggee, we’ll just make the LEGO castle big
Tony Stark: Why is there a giant Lego castle taking up the helicopter pad and why was I not informed of this seriously this is dope as hell.
y’all: peter was able to stop bucky’s fist in civil war bc bucky heard peter’s voice, realized he was a child, then weakened his punch bc he was so worried about hurting a child uwu
me, eating pistachios: y’all know peter can canonically lift up to 75 tons, right. y’all know bucky’s fist is easy as hell for peter to block, right. y’all know bucky didn’t know shit about peter being a child and was just shocked that someone was able to so easily block his punch, right. y’all know that, right.
naw fuck that bucky’s punches aren’t easy to block, it’s WAY funnier if peter blocked a full force punch from bucky, who only a few seconds later realizes he’s a kid as soon as peter opens his mouth
that’s the face of a man who went from “holy shit he blocked my punch?” to “holY SHiT a 12 YEARoLD BLOCKED mY PUNCH???” in 3 seconds flat.
Peter Parker, a Gen Z kid, screws up: Fuck, guess I’ll kill myself.
Steve Rogers, an artist during the 30’s and a soldier during WWII who knows full well what Dadaism and fatalistic humor are: There’s bleach under the sink–
Bucky Barnes, the guy who listened to Steve’s art rants in the 30’s, watched his back in WWII and went through 70+ years of shit: –And a rope in the supply closet if you want options.
Rest of the Avengers: ?????!!!!!!!?????
Shuri, also a gen z kid: don’t be a coward, jump out the window. Have some style would you
Peter Parker: -on meeting Loki, offers his hand- Hi, I’m Peter!
Loki: -shakes his hand- Loki of Asgard.
Peter: Aren’t you like…a bad guy?
Loki: It varies from moment to moment.
Peter: So like…on a scale of one to ten, ten being the worst evil imaginable, like…killing puppies, and one being I’ll spit on your hotdog…where are you right now?
Okay but what if Peter and Shuri are at the Avengers Compund and Peter asks Shuri if she wants to watch a movie with him in the screening room and she says yes. So they go in and Peter turns on Star Wars and half way through the movie he jokingly says how she should make real life SW tech. She tells him to pause the movie and she walks out of the room and comes back 10 minutes later and is like “I made these when I was 11!” And pulls out 2 functioning lightsabers and hands one to Peter, who is in shock and they start running around the compound fighting with lightsabers. T’Challa is annoyed because he told Shuri to leave them at home and Tony doesn’t know if he should be impressed bc Shuri made actual lightsabers or worried that two 16 year olds are running around using ACTUAL lightsabers.
– peter being That Person in the group accommodation that the rest of the hall genuinely doesn’t believe exists. like that room at the end of the hall no one ever seems to enter or exit?? peter’s. he comes in through the window. the rest of the hall are sure they met him once at orientation but they haven’t seen him since
– but sometimes they hear weird bumps in the night and muffled cursing and the resident stoner swears he saw tony stark go in there but nobody believes him
– *peter gets in from patrol at 4am* *see’s planner* “ah shit I have a lecture at 8″
– peter lying in bed as his alarm goes off the next morning: is it worth it. is it. do i even really need a degree? i could be a stripper. I have an okay body. strippers don’t have to get up for 8am lectures. is it r e a l l y worth it –
– peter at a morning lecture, with three coffees and a pack of redbull and one pen missing a lid “this is fine”
– “did that dude just down a pack of redbull like he’s doing shots” “same”
– u know that really annoying person who misses like 80% of the lectures but still somehow manages to get the highest mark on the exam? peter is That Asshole
– *peter showing up 10 mins late, bags the size of texas under his eyes, wearing pajama bottoms and a t shirt advertising iced tea, shaking from a lack of sleep/caffeine binge* “is this advanced chemistry?” “ancient history” “close enough” *collapses onto nearest desk*
– peter going around the freshers fair and grabbing every free thing in sight: pens, tote bags, notebooks, t shirts advertising shitty energy drinks, shoving everything edible in his mouth bc he’s a poor kid and he knows You Don’t Turn Down Free Food
– “Karen, how long can I survive on pot noddles and discount pizza before I die?”
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