[Me and my husband, watching a martial arts film] Me: See, now this is how the Jedi should have recruited their Padawans: you find some dude and then challenge him to a fight, and if he kicks your ass you then have to beg him to teach you. Husband: Yeah, but the Jedi were a lot younger when they become a Padawan than these guys. Me: [cracking up] So it’d just be teenage Obi-Wan all “COME AT ME, JINN, LET’S DO THIS I’LL TAKE YOU” to 50-year-old Qui-Gon. Like, jumping on his back while he’s walking to the cafeteria. Luke trying to bodyslam 900-year-old Yoda once he figures out that he’s a Jedi Master. Or Ahsoka, like, 13 years old and trying to start shit with the Chosen One. Fistfights breaking out in the hallways… Husband: You should have to win a fight to get on the Council. You have to challenge someone for their seat. Me: [dying] Oh God, Anakin would be so into this. Husband: You should at least have to best a sitting council member in a Jedi dance solo.
Honestly, this should be canon. I can totally see Ahsoka starting shit with the Chosen One.
FOR REAL. Tiny Snips showing up in front of Anakin’s dorm door some day all “IT’S ON, SKYGUY.” (Also, I’m dying because you know that as Mr. Force Himself, Anakin was probably highly-sought-after and so I’m just picturing tiny Jedi trying to lure him into a fight every other damn day when he’s back at the Temple because they all want to be the Chosen One’s Padawan.)
Also: 9-year-old Anakin trying to fight 25-year-old Obi-Wan is killing me. Obi-Wan being all “It’s all right, Anakin, Master Yoda already said I can train you, you don’t need to challenge me to a fight, Padawans aren’t usually as young as you and you haven’t had any real Jedi training yet so it’s not a good –” and Anakin being like “NOPE, if this is what Jedi do, I’m gonna do it too, Obi-Wan. It’s happening. HAAAAAAAAAA!” and flying at him with his tiny little fists while Obi-Wan is like “MASTER YODA WHAT DO I DO??” and the whole Council is just in stitches as this all goes down.
Ok you know what’s killing me here? The fact that obviously the more skilled you become as a Jedi the BETTER you have to be at AVOIDING fights. I mean one of the secret trials of knighthood would have to be proving that you are capable of derailing a preteen’s attempts at fighting or else you’d be dealing constantly with initiate attempts to fight!
The first step to being a Padawan isn’t convincing your potential Master to take you on, it’s getting them to fight you in the first place.
So imagine all those tiny Jedi throwing themselves at the Chosen One and Anakin just striding through like the tall bastard he is, ignoring the occasional flying tackle attempt and dancing aside from small fists without looking up from his latest speeder schematics.
And imagine the traps they attempt to set, hoping to corner him into a confrontation – a tactic that would actually be quite effective, were it not for the fact that Anakin Skywalker was trained by Obi-Wan Kenobi, and we all know their mutual stance on traps…
(Speaking of which, consider how many attempts there are after Anakin’s knighting to earn a place as Obi-Wan’s new Padawan – the poor man is constantly battling rugrats as well!)
Snips wins her place through cunning and persistence. I’m thinking it involves her pretending to be after Obi-Wan as a Master, a carefully timed post mission encounter and a plate of cookies or something – while keeping up light conversation she makes sure to steal the last treat out of Anakin’s fingers prompting him to chase her and thus initiating a fight. Anakin and Obi-Wan will boast about this for YEARS.
But anyway aside from cunning old Jedi who can evade like whoa, consider the second part of this whole ritual. The begging to be trained.
Consider the idea of a smol Anakin clearing his throat and humbling requesting Obi-Wan take him on as his Padawan learner and Obi-Wan being like “Yes! Of course!” and Anakin pouting and insisting it’s not fair if he doesn’t do this right! Obi-Wan needs to be persuaded like tradition says! He made an entire list of arguments! So Obi-Wan has to sit there and hide his smile while he gives pro forma rejections for Anakin to rebut.
The council are in need of medical assistance at this point due to excessive laughter.
But also consider the other partnership we haven’t looked at yet.
Young Dooku having managed to engage Yoda in a fight, but not quite able to bend his pride enough to actually beg for training. The old troll is having so much fun just WAITING and watching the boy squirm!
…you know that Ahsoka also tried to make it look like she was going after Obi-Wan for her Master so that Anakin would be additionally motivated to fight her. Part of Obi-Wan’s challenge in fending off would-be apprentices is that he also has to keep Anakin from fighting them himself (because obviously no one is ever allowed to be Obi-Wan’s apprentice but him).
Oh gosh, I love all of this. You know, “being good at avoiding a fight” IS a Jedi thing, surely! So they WOULD have to learn creative ways to safely deflect someone who’s trying to pick a fight, especially if it’s someone much smaller and not as well-trained as they are. So they hone this skill in part by avoiding a rumble with one of the thousands of tiny Forcelings running around in the Temple.
Obi-Wan and Anakin, just calmly walking down the hallway together, talking about last night’s episode of Coruscant’s Got Talent, each of them barely batting an eye as a steady stream of younglings yells out challenges, tries to trip them, comes flying at their backs. Just another day, really.
Yes! That last image is pretty much exactly what I was thinking!
And of course Anakin makes life even more difficult for poor Obi-Wan! And of course Ahsoka was the only one to notice and utilise this dynamic to get what she wanted! She fits right in to their little family!
Of course with Knight Skywalker off the table the competition to engage Master Kenobi must be INTENSE. Anakin and Ahsoka have his back of course, but it would be nice to be able to meditate quietly in the gardens for a change. Maybe he should let a few try their chances…
Anakin & Ahsoka: “NO.”
(Neither of them are keen on sharing, especially with a kid who can’t find a way to make their own opening! )
Speaking of which Ahsoka is inundated with initiates wanting to know how she did it. Her advice gets snippier and snippier until she too begins to avoid them. Anakin beams with pride – she’s learning already!
Also I’m thinking of a tiny little Caleb Dume, wondering if it’s fair to try and attack Master Billaba so soon after she’s left medical. Because he’s sure she’s the one he wants to teach him, but she was badly hurt…
Ooh. Consider the outside reactions to these traditions! So many senators are completely shocked on their first visits to the Temple. It’s a madhouse!
In contrast the clones think proving your worth through practical demonstrations is an eminently sensible idea! They just think it should be done in a far less chaotic manner!
Obi-Wan can find an invisible planet hidden by a devious Sith Lord, Anakin can’t find his ex-best friend on his own home planet while the guy is still using his own damn name.
I know we give Obi-wan a lot of shit for leaving Luke with his real surname but Anakin really is that stupid
the perfect hiding place: the sandiest fucking planet that anakin would never set foot on again
I’d like to remind everyone again that it’s literally canon that Vader can’t step foot on Tatooine because the desert gets into his creaky old man robot joints and makes his suit break down
aka the sand is coarse, rough, irritating, and gets everywhere
i d o n t l i k e s a n d
okay but what if everyone was like ‘vader, kenobi’s on tattooine. he’s obviously on tattooine. he’s been there for years. he’s just right fucking there, we all know it.’ and vader is just desperately shaking down jedi like they’re magic eight-balls and he wants a better fortune. like ‘no i don’t like that try again’.
kenobi’s just sitting there in his pile of sand like a smug fucking bastard. he doesn’t need to hide jack shit. he went to the tattooine board of tourism and got them to print up flyers that say ‘COME TO TATTOOINE, WE HAVE SAND’ and luke is probably going to be safe until his midlife fucking crisis at this rate.
palpatine finds vader aimlessly checking behind pieces of furniture in some shitty space motel on kamino
When Rogue One dies, they, for whatever bullshit fanfic reason, go back in time to the Clone Wars
The first thing Bodhi does is take one look at Obi-Wan “Is a low-key anxious mess but flirts with literally everything” Kenobi and then never looks up from the floor again
Like seriously.
Bodhi Rook–pan as hell little bundle of anxious sunshine–the sole recipient of that smile and hair swoosh right before Obi-Wan leans down to pull Bodhi off the ground, just after Obi-Wan swans in to save him from a squadron of clankers (because of course they appear right in the middle of a battle)? Yeah that boy can’t hardly breathe around Obi-Wan, let alone look directly at him, once he scrambles back to his feet
GOD I DIDN’T KNOW I NEEDED THIS BUT GOD DO I NEED THIS
Like, I know in the Apprentice books they mentioned that his parents were farmers, but that was also the scene where he has a vision of his “brother”, Owen. That has recently been revealed to be a vision of the future, not the past, and he was seeing Owen Lars as a brother because his bond with Anakin would make them sort of family. That makes me wonder whether the parents in his vision were his, or Shmi and Cliegg.
I like to imagine all sorts of crazy variations of “what are Obi’s parents like”. I think my favorite one is “he has a giant network of extended family, all of whom are large, formidable Celts and Obi-wan does not know what to do with this information”.
Imagine it being the middle of the Clone Wars, and Obi-wan and his gang of clones happen to land on Stewjon for whatever reason. Maybe they needed rations or maybe they were hiding from Separatists, who knows. And this absolute giant of a man stomps up out of a glen, looks them over, scratches his gigantic beard, and then nods to himself.
“About time ye showed yer face around these parts, lad,” he thunders, and half the clones jump and put a hand to their blasters while the other half are still in awe of his beard.
Obi-wan senses something familiar about the man, but is a little distracted at the moment, scanning the skies for Separatist scouts, and so he only manages a polite, “I’m sorry?”
And then finds himself staring up at this very rough, weatherbeaten face that is suddenly much closer to him than it was before.
“Well,” says the giant, “Yer mother’ll be pleased to see ye at any rate. Didn’t get very tall, did ye?”
The clones feel they should be slightly insulted by this man so casually remarking on Their General’s height, but at the moment Ghost Company is a little more concerned about this talk of mothers.
And within the next three hours the lot of them have been unceremoniously adopted into the sprawling Kenobi clan, simply by the Old Kenobi throwing open a door in a hill and bellowing, “Welcome to the Warren!”
A few Jedi wonder, when Kenobi and the Ghost Company finally turn up again, why they’re all sporting thick beards and bantering in a regional accent they do not recognize, and some find themselves asking what’s prompted Kenobi to wear his robes over his armor in a fashion more like a kilt at times, but they never quite get a real explanation out of any of them.
The Kenobi-Clan has lived a rather sheltered live (by galatict standard) up to the time Obi and his Clan… eh Vod… eh clone soldiers show up. It’s the first time the Kenobis hear about the war currently going on and one of theirs being in the thick of it.
Of course there’s an uproar about it…
“AH GREAT BATTLE??? SPANNING ALMOST OVER ALL THE KNOWN GALAXY???!!! AND WE WEREN’T INVITED???!!!??? TO THE AMORY!!!”
(Mace’s first reaction to seeing over half the Kenobi Clan in their traditional battle amor on the front steps of the temple demanding to be let in on the fun is to take a large gulp of the self brewed brandy he has stashed in his councilor seat)
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