the Mata mata, Mata-Mata, or Matamata(matamatamata), depending on how pedantic the biologist you’re asking is, is a large river turtle found in the Amazon Basin. they grow to around 18 inches long (shell length only) and weigh up to 33 pounds (whole damn turtle)
oh also their common name is literally Spanish for KILL-KILL, but they don’t really deserve it.
*heavy metal screaming*
the Mata mata was first described and named by European scientists in 1783, who then spent the next two hundred years fighting over the scientific name of this damn turtle. seriously, they changed it 14 times in that span. people probably lost tenure over this thing.
blood was almost definitely shed.
but it’s all worth it to bear the noble name Chelus fimbriata (as of 1992)
Mata matas live on the bottoms of shallow streams, where they blend in perfectly with the rest of the crud mucking up the bottom.
they live on a strict diet of whatever little swimmy thing happens to pass in front of them. this includes fish, frogs, crayfish, worms, weeds that kind of look like fish from a certain angle, and fingers.
Mata matas really don’t move around much, and prefer walking slowly and dramatically along the streambed to swimming. this helps prevent them from being noticed by larger predators such as the Jaguar, who loves him some sweet sweet turtle meats.
luckily the Mata matas can come up for air without giving themselves away, as they have a very special adaptation:
AAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAA.
the Mata mata’s neck is almost as long as it’s entire body! they use it to stretch their head up to the surface to breath, exactly like a snorkel but if the snorkel was really just your own devil neck.
in fact, the Mata mata’s neck is so long that the turtle cannot retract it into its shell like its relatives. they rely mostly on holding really still and looking like a gross leaf to avoid predators. would YOU eat a gross stream leaf? didn’t think so.
don’t knock it till you’ve tried it
currently many wild turtle populations are declining, or in danger of collapse due to human activity and capture for food/the pet trade. luckily, this does not seem to be the case with the Mata mata. (BREATH SIGH OF RELIEF NOW.)
Mata matas are currently listed as Least Concern and are still fairly common in the wild, but they are also increasingly common as pets (people love that weird little smirk). however, they are really fucking expensive and best left to more experienced hobbyists. Mata matas do very well in captivity because they HARDLY MOVE ANYWAY, so aquarium life isn’t much of a strain on them.
as long as they feed me I don’t really care
let’s all take a moment to be thankful for this.
goodbye for now, Mata mata!
“18 inches long (shell length only) and weigh up to 33 pounds (whole damn turtle)” made me die from laughter-induced asphyxiation
you’re telling me, if left unharmed, lobsters survive the ravages of time and gain progressively more fuck power as it goes on
this whole thing is pure dick
They also have no limits to their size except how much they can eat. If you fed a lobster as much as it could eat every day, it could eventually grow to be bigger than you.
today i found out that when monarch butterflies migrate south for the winter, all the ones that go across the middle of lake superior suddenly stop going south and go west for five miles and then continue south. which really freaked scientists out cos like What is in the Middle of Lake Superior what do Butterflies know that We Dont Is This The End Times etc. anyway turns out about a hundred million years ago there was a mountain there and the butterflies still think they gotta fly around it. classic butterflies
combine this with the fact that caterpillars literally turn into bug soup in their crystallis, meaning there is no central nervous system to carry over any information, but they seem to retain memories from caterpillar life regardless…
and it brings up a lot of questions about what kind of information can even be stored in genes, like… does genetic memory really exist? what does this mean for humankind? could a race of people develop an instinctual memory of the land like this? are there people whose bones tell the stories of ancient mountains? what about my people? is the diaspora something that can be felt among every one of us? are we all the living cumulation of hundreds of thousands of ghosts?
i am simultaneously fascinated and frightened by this. classic butterflies indeed
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