…is an extraordinary species of Metallyticid mantis which is spread throughout Southeast Asia. M. splendidus is most well noted for its striking iridescent rainbow coloration and short body, these features are present because M .splendidus is a mimic of the colorful tiger beetles (Cicindelinae).
guess what, it’s time for an all-new exciting episode of Weird Biology! today we’re investigating this lovely flower that I just found. it was just sitting innocently on a tree branch and it’s a lovely shade of pink, so I-
hang on, it just moved.
what the fuck. lemme just…
aaand it just stabbed me in the finger. sorry folks, turns out we aren’t dealing with a flower at all! it’s the frilly, fashionable master of disguise,
AHA! IT WAS ME ALL ALONG! STAB!
the first westerner to describe the Orchid Mantis in 1879 (a journalist from Australia) thought he was seeing a moving, carnivorous flower! obviously he was wrong, as flowers absolutely don’t do that! ha ha! (the point is, it’s an easy mistake to make. especially if you’re a journalist from 1879.)
the Orchid Mantis is a perfect flower mimic, with a dazzlingly sinister sense of fashion.
SO sinister.
the Orchid Mantis is found in the rainforests of Southeast Asia, from Malaysia to Thailand. they are small and delicate, covered with High Femme pastel frills that conceal their deadly mantid forelegs. (mostly. it’s like seeing the outline of a switchblade under a fancy skirt.)
females grow to be about 3 inches long, while males barely reach half that. they range in color from delicate pinks to lacy purples to eggshell white to that obnoxious pale yellow you only see in Easter decorations.
and except for the giant alarming eyeballs, they look exactly like, well. orchids.
THE BETTER TO SEE YOU WITH, MY DEAR.
like all praying mantids, the Orchid Mantis is a carnivore who feasts on the flesh and possibly souls of lesser insects. but with their fantastically flamboyant fashions, how are they supposed to hunt? well, the answer probably won’t surprise you!
because the Orchid Mantis looks so much like a flower, the pollinators come to it. butterflies, bees, moths, you name it. they buzz in, thinking they’ll get a mouthful of nectar and some pollen like good buggy citizens. and what does the Mantis do when these well-meaning helpful friends show up?
why, they prey.
THE BETTER TO STAB YOU WITH, MY DEAR.
also like all praying mantids, the Orchid Mantis worships the silent gods of Slice n’ Dice. when a delicious butterfly or bee bumbles too close, the Mantis promptly stabs the fuck out of it with a lightning-fast strike, and chows down.
in other words, they’re three inches of Death Metal contained under a thin veneer of tea party.
maybe a tea party where the hostess stabs you in the chest.
when they aren’t victimizing kind and helpful insects who only wanted to see a cool flower, the Orchid Mantis goes about the business of continuing the species. since adults only live about 8 months in the wild, this is more of an urgent matter than you would expect.
because Orchid Mantises are pretty rare and not studied often, we’re not actually sure how the deed is done in the wild. (I’M FINE WITH THAT.) if it’s anything like captive breeding programs, most of the dudes just get straight-up eaten. the Orchid Mantis lady is in complete and terrifying control of the situation, and often prefers a snack to the gentle embrace of a lover.
mantids are just kind of like that.
role model?
if the dude mantis is successful in his efforts, the lady mantis will then go off and lay 50-100 eggs clustered on a stem surrounded by a gross protective foam. in 5 to 6 weeks, the baby mantises will emerge and begin eating each other immediately.
(mantises are HARDCORE.)
seriously though, the babies (which look like itty-bitty adults) are red and black when they hatch. they disperse rapidly into the underbrush, at least the ones who don’t get cannibalized by a sibling. (that was real. did you think that wasn’t real?)
in a few weeks, the babies will molt and grow out of their Goth phase, emerging in the true High Femme style of their parents.
WE WILL NEVER SLEEP! ‘CAUSE SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK!
because Orchid Mantises are so rarely seen, we’re not actually sure how they’re doing in the wild. it is believed that they are under threat from habitat destruction, as many of the rain forests they live in are plowed over. these frilly creatures need protection and support if we want them to still lurk stabbily in the wild.
however, the Orchid Mantis is extensively bred in captivity for the pet trade. it is the most popular kind of Mantis in the pet trade (for very good reasons), and its beauty and stabby nature will likely be around for a long time yet.
whether you like it or not.
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fucking fantastic: Nebula is in a relationship with Mantis and Valkyrie, they’re a big gay space disaster but they’re cute and love each other a lot
so Nebula and Mantis are Good because they have no social skills but in, like, opposite directions, right? Nebula’s instinct in any new situation is to lean against the wall scowling and acting like she’s too scary to give a shit, because if you’re mean and scary nobody cares if you don’t know the rules and holy shit she doesn’t know the rules. she doesn’t know how to be Anything except what Thanos made her and she hates it, but it’s easier to just snarl at anyone who gets too close than try to learn all their stupid rules.
except. except. Mantis wants to run headfirst into everything. she wants to say hello, touch things, experience all the good and bad the galaxy outside of Ego has to offer. and Nebula wants to follow her, because being with Mantis makes her chest ache so bad that at first she thought something was going wrong with her cybernetics. also because the world is full of dicks, and sometimes it helps if Mantis has someone a little scary at her side to make dicks behave. Nebula is happy to do that too, because she’s not really sure what the point of her life is anymore but keeping the smile on Mantis’ face is as good an option as any. maybe better.
she just likes her so much, more than her stupid emotionally stunted brain will ever be able to form words for – but then, she doesn’t have to, does she? Mantis feels what Nebula feels for her every time they bump elbows squeezing past each other in the tight confines of the ship, or bashfully take each other’s hands, or when Mantis presses her first exploratory kiss to Nebula’s cheek. Nebula’s gone still, one full-body tense muscle, which might discourage anyone who couldn’t feel the terrified ecstatic flustered brain-flashing joy sparkling through her entire body.
neither of them knows how to relationship, really, and they’re lacking in good role models, but they’re figuring it out in fits and starts.
enter Valkyrie.
bisexual space disaster meets angry space lesbian. Nebula sees a lot of nigh-indestructible Asgardian swagger and the skills to back it up; Valkyrie sees a tight-wound badass who who needs to relax. the interest is, as they say, mutual. Mantis is supportive; she and Nebula both missed the lesson on monogamy-as-desirable-norm, and why shouldn’t she encourage her girlfriend to pursue something that’s obviously holding her interest?
Nebula and Valkyrie are an emotional shitshow, and both of them are determined to pretend that there are actual feelings behind the weird, rough sex they’re having. Valkyrie is relationship-phobic to put it lightly, and she’s convinced herself that Nebula is the worst possible person to ease herself back into emotional commitment with. she’s got baggage to rival Valkyrie’s own, she never talks about her feelings, she already has a girlfriend who’s a bug. so what if Valkyrie can’t stop flirting, can’t stop trying to get Nebula to open up, thinks for days about every little bit of vulnerability she coaxes out like it’s the best haul in history? these aren’t feelings. obviously.
this might have dragged on forever (maybe almost literally; Valkyrie is thousands of years young and who knows what all those modifications have done for Nebula’s aging?) is Mantis hadn’t intervened. she knew how Nebula felt, and it took all of three seconds to be sure Valkyrie felt the same way. (well, three seconds and finding an excuse to bump into Valkyrie long enough to touch her. it was VERY subtle.)
(it wasn’t.)
Don’t forget Valkryie getting super, SUPER drunk as hell. When Mantis gently tries to ask her girlfriend’s girlfriend if she is okay, Val starts drunk crying, smooshes her face and does the whole “I shouldnt have drunk so much?? I cant protect her” bit. Nebula short circuited for a second watching that
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