You can never be too sure in places like these. Another dumb short comic from the same talk with @kaisukidoodles as the other one was! They’re on the Nepal Village map today 😀
The new headcanon is that Junkrat has never seen D.Va outside her mech and believes she’s an omnic who ate a teenage girl
He sees her mech start blowing up and she pops out and he’s like “phew thank god that lil sheila got free of that tin can before it blew up” and then another one falls from the sky five seconds later and scoops her back up and he LOSES HIS SHIT
A list of ways Junkrat has tried to steal one of my orbs:
While meditating by the cliffs this morning, he crept up behind me and took an orb from its orbit. I let him get nearly back to the base before I recalled it.
Unfortunately, he did not manage to let go of the orb in time, so I ended up accidentally dislocating his shoulder. He became Dr. Ziegler and I’s first patient for the day. In addition to the dislocated shoulder, we found:
1 small cut on his chin
3 large abrasions on his hip, shoulder, and knee (from being dragged five feet across the ground before he finally clued in and let go of the orb)
1 mysterious bruise
8 miscellaneous burns
He tried to snatch an orb on his way out, but this time, I stared him down until he released it.
While I was preparing Dr. Ziegler’s lunch, Junkrat tried to pick-pocket an orb while walking past. I waited until I was leaving the kitchen before I recalled it, the orb rocketting out of his pocket and toppling him over in his chair.
After he picked himself up, he tried a dash and grab, but tripped over his own bootlaces before he made it three steps.
Let it never be said that Junkrat is not clever: just around 3pm, he realized that if he draped himself across my back and distracted me with cute animal pictures, I would be completely vulnerable.
He very nearly got away with it, but Dr. Ziegler pointed out that how odd it was for Junkrat to behave that way towards me. I had to chase him all the way to the engineering workshop, and tackled him through the doorway, but I was able to successfully retrieve my orb.
Junkrat had to return to the infirmary because he cracked his head rather hard and I worried about a concussion. His head was fine, but we found more scrapes, bruises, and minor burns.
Dinner arrives. Junkrat tries to replace an orb with an apple, but Hana sees him. Soon, everyone is sticking random objects into my orbit. This lasts past dinner and continues until Torbjorn storms in demanding to know where his scrap metal is. It is in my orbit, along with:
several spoons
a coffee mug
the apple
a bag of D.Ritos
Snowball
Genji’s faceplate and several shurikens
an entire case (unopened) case of Mt. Dew
five grenades
twelve rainbow colored gel pens
a cellular phone
Hanzo’s hair ribbon
Hanzo’s arrows and the quiver (separate)
four Pachimari keychains
and one very confused and unhappy Ganymede
Reinhardt grabbed Torbjorn and tried to add him to the cloud, but I told him that it was either one angry dwarf, or many small objects, but not both.
They chose one angry dwarf.
I am so sorry, Torbjorn. I should not have laughed, but I did.
Junkrat tried to take an orb while Torbjorn was floating in angry circles around me, but Lena caught him and made him give it back.
There is still time tonight that he might yet try again, but it is getting later, and there are now several people in the room with me, so hopefully he will give it a rest. He looks very absorbed in a Rubik’s cube at the moment.
STOP CALLING ME OUT YA TOSSER!
An’ GIMME BACK ME BABIES!
You can come fetch your grenades from the infirmary at any time, I am not holding them hostage. But you left them behind when everyone else was retrieving their things from orbit, and I did not feel it was safe to leave them lying around. All you must do is say please and thank you, and they will once again be returned to your loving care.
Also, no. I will never stop calling out your amusing hijinks.
How do I convey to Jamison that trying to steal the monk’s balls is not a smart crime?
It’s fine, let him try. They are infused with my energy, so I can recall them at any time.
Additionally, he would have to try and sneak up on me, and with his creaky leg and penchant for giggling, I suspect that may be more difficult than he expects.
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