hornygold:

spoiledchestnut:

Alien: You shouldn’t eat that.

Human: What?

Alien: That thing. Don’t you know it’s extremely acidic? Enough to cause eventual deterioration of your flesh?

Human: ….it’s a fucking pineapple.

Alien: But that thing contains bromelain, it’ll destroy your body’s proteins!

Human: Not if I digest the bromelain first.

Alien: Humans are insane!

“Not if I digest it first” is an official human motto, in close competition with “not if I pet it first”.

calories in a cat

Mention to family that cat attempted to eat thyroid meds this morning, comment that human-sized dose of thyroid meds is probably not good for cats. Comment that human-sized dose of any meds probably not good for cats.

Brother puts forth the idea of food.

Wonder if a cat even contains 2000 calories.

Google many things including weight of chicken. Deduce that cat probably contains roughly as much food as large meat-breed chicken if not counting bones and organs. Deduce that small local cat therefore probably contains 1400 calories or so.

Brother notes that “how many calories are in a cat” and variations thereof only brings up search results for how many calories a cat should eat.

Point out that people who are eating cats are probably not in a mood to count calories. Also note that cats are not frequently eaten, likely due to the difficulty of catching and/or farming them. Proceed to defend this notion to snickering family, mostly pointing out that cats fight and are difficult to confine and handle.

Mom is writing a Facebook post about this whole conversation.

dragonfishdreams:

It’s kind of amusing to hear all this talk about humans being an apex predator species – I mean, I love it, but technically, by our own standards of rating predators, we aren’t, because we still have animals around on Earth that will munch us down if push comes to shove. We’re not like bears or wolves or any of the really big members of the big cat family – yes, we can and do hunt, but as often as not we foraged.

Heck, we still do that in many ways, even in the urban environments we have made for ourselves. We are the species that will stare you in the eye as we steal the food off your plate, then add insult to injury by checking to make sure it’s clean enough, get everywhere we’re not supposed to because we are cunning little buggers that are hard to keep out, will hoard shiny things even though we know they aren’t useful because they are shiny, okay, and then we’ll go and do something adorable so that you love us anyway, at least until you notice that we’ve just scuttled off with half your wiring because we needed it for something important.

Humans aren’t the wolves or tigers or bears of the universe.

We’re the raccoons.