Tag: humans

brittajj26:

mrrrl:

delladilly:

do you ever see someone in some quiet intimate moment and suddenly love them so desperately you feel like you’re dying

#like when they pass a mirror and make a face and mess with their hair a little #or when you hear someone singing in their car with the windows rolled up as they drive past you #i don’t know how to express this i just. people are people and it makes me so sad and filled up sometimes

I love seeing grown humans setting about little creative tasks out of boredom and then looking quietly pleased with themselves, like maybe a middle-aged woman on her train home from work manages to make a tower out of empty coffee creamers and gazes at it proudly for a few seconds.

I love seeing other people make the overblown OOPS I FORGOT SOMETHING performance for no-one that most of us do when we have to turn around in the middle of the pavement.

I love seeing stony-faced people in queues unable to contain a smile when a baby looking over its mother’s shoulder in front of them locks eyes and does that astonished stare.

– when someone is standing in line and they don’t quite dance to the music playing, but you can SEE their head bop and them mouthing the words

– when someone thinks no one’s paying attention and they sing-talk themselves thru a task

– when they laugh or try to hide a laugh when looking at their phone

history of horseback riding

tammycat:

mongol scout: yeah here are those animals i was talking about

horse: trips on a rock and breaks a leg, dying of shock

horse: runs into somebody, killing them instantly

horse: eats a bird straight out of the air

genghis khan: *through tears* absolutely beautiful. incredible. i want to sit on one and use them to conquer half of the entire world’s known landmass

blackbearmagic:

just-shower-thoughts:

Human beings are an invasive species native to Africa. They are responsible for the extinction of some native animals of other continents

Historically, some ecotypes of H. sapiens sapiens became naturalized to their new environments and were able to fit themselves in without too much disruption of the ecosystems already in place.

However, other ecotypes proved more aggressive; upon introduction to new environments, they not only outcompeted and occasionally drove the naturalized ecotypes to extinction, but proved devastating to other species around them. The western European ecotype in particular is known for this.

It is interesting to note that, much like in Orcinus orca (the “killer whale”, another animal with complex social habits), an individual H. sapiens sapiens may have difficulty socializing outside of its own ecotype. Mistrust and violent reactions to those outside of an individual’s own ecotype (commonly referred to among sapiologists as “racism”) has been observed in the species for millennia.

This “racism” is not, of course, a rule of the species, and over the last fifty years, there has been a marked increase in social relationships and even matings between individuals of differing ecotypes. Sapiologists hope that this trend will continue, as it may lead to an overall decrease in conflict and aggressive behavior in the species over time.

spoonyruncible:

I do feel bad for plants in general.
Like, I know they are often as vicious as animals in many ways, just slower.
But, I mean, they just show up and they’re like, “I Think I Will Evolve To Eat The Sun And Also Make Oxygen And How Now Is All This.”
And, like, everything fucking dies at first (totally not plants fault, btw. okay maybe it was but they didn’t mean to) but then new things evolve.
And they’re like, “Fuck it, eating each other suuuucks. Let’s eat the plants which give us life.”
And so we start doing that.
And plants are all, “Oh Dear No, I Do Not Care At All For Being Eaten. I Will Make Myself Into Poison Sometimes.”
But, y’know, stuff kept eating plants anyway so plants, ever the bro, came up with a new idea. “I Have Made A Decision About Being Eaten And You May Eat Me Friends And Here Is An Especially Tasty Bit Packed All Full of Delicious Sugars Which I Have Produced At Great Cost (What They Do Not Know Is That My Seeds Are Within And Shall Be Propagated Near And Far By Their Dung)“
But that’s not good enough for animals, no, not at all.
We love the fuck out of some pomegranates but also alliums which are like, “I Have Not Decided To Go In For This Being Eaten Business. I Shall Be Very Foul Tasting And Also A Poison.”
But no, sorry, onions, you fucked up.
You accidentally wound up with a species that just doesn’t give up or fully comprehend the idea of things tasting “”‘bad’“’ or other concepts like not eating poison. (Sorry, plants, later we turn some of you who are not poison into a poison we consume recreationally. We really enjoy eating poison.) 
Legit, alliums are deadly to, like, every other species.
And we call them aromatics and throw them in everything.
Peppers are the best, though.
They completely got on the being eaten train.
BUT ONLY BIRDS
Peppers are like, “You May Eat Me, Fair Avian, For You Are Sure To Spread Me A Great Distance. But, Mammal, Take HEED. Should You Eat Me Then I Will Burn You Most Terribly.”
And we were all about that.
“The FUCK, burning? I love pain,” said humans, presumably.
“You know, peppers, you and evolution have done a good job at burning us but I am pretty sure we could make your chemical agony even more potent. Come hang with us,” humans added to a very confused pepper just before creating the ghost chili.

sewickedthread:

perilegs:

copperbadge:

minnielikes:

galesofnovember:

liketheghost:

so is it a thing in (american) english to use “texas” as a word for like, something that’s out of control or chaotic, or as like, “crazy”? like “that party last weekend was totally texas!”

because that is a thing people say in norwegian and i just think it’s important for americans to know that?

this is the best thing I’ve ever heard

i’m sorry wHAT

This is like the time I found out that in Israel “Ma po ze, Chicago?” (What is this, CHICAGO?) is a saying for when people are acting unruly. 

in finland if something is far away or in an unknown place we can say that “se on huitsin nevadassa” (it’s in nevada) you can also politely tell that you’d wish someone to fuck off by wishing that they’d go to nevada

I am both amused and nodding my head at the accuracy.

wearenotalone92:

but reanimation 

I mean… humans are so frigging hard to kill that if you die people will just be OH NO YOU DON’T and start pumping your heart themselves and breathing in your lungs until you do it by yourself again. most races consider someone dead when the heart stops, but not humans. not you-can’t-kill-me humans. until there’s even a teeny tiny grain of hope they fucking won’t let death have them. they know that they have a few minutes to do so, at best, and it would be simpler to just let go, but not humans.

cardiac arrest? not on my shift, buddy. respiratory failure? heck no. 

whatever happens, they will try to literally bring you back from the otherworld. 

MonCalamari: I feel very sad. Human Jessie died the other day… a cardiac arrest. She was such a good friend, I can’t even-

Human Steve: buddy, Jessie is alive and well. she’s still in medic bay of course, what with the heart problem and everything, but now she’s good!  who told you that she died? 

MonCalamari: … are you kidding me? her heart stopped, of course she is dead! 

Human Steve: she most definitely isnt, I just went to medic bay and she’s still kicking- mind you, they saved her by a hair, they tried for almost ten minutes… they almost had given up on her, but she is strong and they managed to restart the heart in time.

MonCalamari: they… they got her heart beating again? but that’s surely impossible…? 

Human Steve: go in medic bay if you don’t believe me. surely by now you should have learned that humans don’t like to die?

crazyness2400:

To be fair, humans are some bullshit from a balance perspective.

“I’ll just outrun that human…any day now… any… day… jesus christ it’s the terminator.”

“Maybe I can outsmart it and hide. What’s that you say, its brain takes up 20% of it’s caloric intake? FML.”

“It doesn’t have any natural weapons. I’ll just turn around and kill it. OH GOD IT’S GOT STONE CLAWS THAT ARE UNHOLY SHARP!”

“Okay, fight number two. It’s squishy so if I’m careful and find the right time when it’s weak I can – IT HAS PROJECTILE SHARP THINGS!”

“I’ll try crossing the river. It’s too gangly to be buoya – IT CAN SWIM?!?”

“Okay nothing can swim and run and climb. I’ll just go up this tree… FML it descended from apes.”

“It doesn’t even have fur, I can run to a colder climate and escape. Welp, it’s wearing the fur of my loved ones to keep warm.”

“If the whole herd bands together and protects each other, we can trample it… it can CONTROL FIRE.”

“Fuck it. Might as well just follow them around and get domesticated.”

Prettymuch everything we did to animals comes out of a horror movie.

How important to you is the fact that there is a ‘goat’ in ‘goatee’?

glumshoe:

logan-international-airport:

glumshoe:

Extremely. It seems like most of my good friends LOVE goats, so, by extension, they should love me better the more I resemble one.

I had a goatee but I had to shave it because people kept coming up to me and asking if they could touch it. These are high school students we’re talking about too, not little kids. I had to shave it to maintain my sanity

I know a lot of high school kids follow me, so understand that I say this lovingly, but teens are second only to kindergarteners in terms of abject weirdness.