That part in Fellowship of the Ring where the nazgul asks a random hobbit about baggings of the shire
And the Hobbit, shaking from head to toe, just goes like “UH NO THERE’S NO BAGGINGS HERE THEY’RE IN HOBBITSVILLE” or something and points the way
Honestly, I don’t even think that hobbit was being a snitch and dooming the Baggings by answering the Nazgul. I legit think he was trying to be helpful.
Like, he saw that big threatening shadowy man stop by his house and whisper two words and he was like, fucking terrified but “oh well the creepy thing is asking for directions, I should give the damn directions”
Like, that hobbit would invite him for some tea if the nazgul hadn’t left in a hurry I’m positive
Sam: *walking about like a cat in booties* oh no… Oh no…
Frodo: *stands up* *immediately falls down*
Merry: you just spend all your time with your feet in… jail? In foot jail?? This is the worst
Pippin: *stomping about* haha Merry look, I’m a human! Get out of my way! I’m in a hurry! Where’s my horse? My name’s Boromir- *trips over laces and goes down hard* ow
Pippin: Merry help I’m stuck Merry *wrenching at shoes* STOP LAUGHING i’M A TOOK WE HAVE WIDE FEET
Merry: why are there so many laces this is so over-complicated
Frodo: *frantically kicking off shoes* nope nope nope nope nope
Gimli: Sam just walk normally
Sam: I don’t know where my feet are!
Gimli: they’re at the ends of your legs lad!
Sam: Mister Frodo help
& while all this is happening literally every other member of the Fellowship losing their gotdamn shit at the sight of a bunch of grown men (+Pippin) unable to figure out how shoes work
Frodo: alright I’m going to try again *stands up* *WHAM* oww
Aragorn: *sobering up* Okay Frodo seriously take those off before you really hurt yourself
~later~
Pippin: I suddenly have a new respect for all you shoe-wearing folks
Boromir: Pippin no offence but that is literally one of the most ridiculous things I’ve ever heard anyone say
Update: Sauron is not afraid of hobbits. He was unaware that hobbits existed up until very recently. he literally did not have time to be afraid of them, they went from a 0 to 100 threat level in twenty seconds. There he was, minding his own business worrying about the usual Elves and Men when suddenly these kids are on his lawn and now he’s dead, like just;
What did— who–
did I just get one-shotted by an infant how is this occurring
Honestly I have to love this whole thought process that the Fellowship must have cultivated in Sauron, like…
“These children have found the Ring! But they’re taking it to the elves, of course. I will simply have to catch them on the way.”
“Well, the elves are still not to be trifled with, it seems. It looks as though they have a group of intrepid heroes, how cute! Wait, who’s leading them? Aw, hell.”
“OKAY! Olorin’s out of the way, and now I can finally kill them all and reclaim the- OH DAMMIT, IT’S IN LOTHLORIEN.”
“Well, okay. They’ve taken it onward. Curunir says one of the halflings is still carrying the ring, so he’s going to capture them and we’ll see how this develops. Thankfully Olorin’s still out of the picture and their little group just shattered into pieces, so that’s one less thing to worry about.”
“Aaaaaand Curunir shat the bed. Excellent. Trees, who would have thought? Okay, so we’re back to plan A: conquer Gondor, because if the Ring’s going to be anywhere, it’ll be there.”
“Wait, who’s on the– Isildur’s WHAT? Ohhhh. Ohohoho. Oh now everything makes sense. Isildur’s Heir is back, and he’s here being all prideful again. That’s fine. Really. I’ll just crush him and his kingdom, and then nobody can stop me!”
“WHAT? FUCKING WHAT? THEY SENT HIM BACK? Ugh, alright, alright, I’m cool, I’m fine. He’s still got that stupid wizard costume on, and I’m still stronger than he ever was. It’s not like he can come toe to toe with me, even if he does have an army behind him. This’ll be fine.”
“They’re… actually marching on the Black Gate? Sweet lord, I didn’t think they’d actually do it! This is perfect, everyone’s right here! Olorin, the human princeling, most of the remaining fighting forces of Men, all I have to do is kill them now and– Wait. Someone just put on the Ring. Someone just– That’s a halfling. They’re inside the mouNTAIN OH GOD NAZGUL GO GO G–”
holy HECK ems…! This is so perfect, this is amazing.
I need this. I need Ole Gammer Greenhand and her big happy lollopy puddle of a warg doggo, Heather.
With his big sad eyes whenever she is cooking, so that he gets the scraps. “Bottomless pit… all right, here you are. I spoil you rotten, y’know that?”
And his tendency to try and curl up on her tiny lap, even though he can only fit his head and maaaaaaybe his front paws on there. “Ooof! Oh, you big goof. All right, who wants an ear-scratch? Whosagoodboy? Whoosagooboyden! YOU ARE!”
And his goofy, tongue-lolling grin after he has done a good job chasing the birds off the seedlings. “That’s a boy! Good job, Heather.”
And oh yes FINE, sure – and his teeth that can crack an ox’s thighbone in one bite. “Oh, that’s just the dog, that noise – pay it no mind me dears.”
and the ranger sees him and stares.
And Gammer Greenhand notices where the ranger is looking, and waves a tiny, wrinkled hand. “That’s just Heather, the great lummox. He’s a big soft lump, but I keep him for the company, you know? It’s nice t’ have someone to talk to, at my age.”
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