glumshoe – BettSplendens Tumblr Evac

A lot of people have told me to get a betta reader, so I took their advice. I’m not sure how this is supposed to improve the quality of my writing.

Source: glumshoe

glumshoe:

THE BEAST IS UPON ME

she’s three and a half years old now but she still gets excited like this EVERY SINGLE TIME

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

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captainlordauditor:

glumshoe:

Here are the close-captioned versions of my Sam and Mac: detective partners videos, condensed into one post.

Investigating a crime scene:

Bonding during a stakeout:

is the lawful neutral video also part of this series?

Oh, shit, it sure is!!!

Sam interrogates a suspect with his previous partner ~~who is apparently also Sam~~:

Sam and Mac explore their vices:

Old friends and new gay identities:

Double Identity – our gumshoes face a challenge unique to the particular canon of their universe:

Mac forgets his place in the comedy duo and thinks he can start making jokes now.

good old-fashioned good cop/weird cop interrogation dynamics (featuring a joke borrowed from tumblr user scumfuckus):

content warning for an (unfired) plastic gun:

(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)

glumshoe:

2019 fashion prediction: why stop at just one pair of eyebrows?

….Oh no.

…I… I genuinely kind of like it.

That is a Look.

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

captainlordauditor:

glumshoe:

Here are the close-captioned versions of my Sam and Mac: detective partners videos, condensed into one post.

Investigating a crime scene:

Bonding during a stakeout:

is the lawful neutral video also part of this series?

Oh, shit, it sure is!!!

Sam interrogates a suspect with his previous partner ~~who is apparently also Sam~~:

Sam and Mac explore their vices:

Old friends and new gay identities:

Double Identity – our gumshoes face a challenge unique to the particular canon of their universe:

Mac forgets his place in the comedy duo and thinks he can start making jokes now.

good old-fashioned good cop/weird cop interrogation dynamics (featuring a joke borrowed from tumblr user scumfuckus):

content warning for an (unfired) plastic gun:

(Source: https://www.youtube.com/)

glumshoe:

Children love tormenting me. I am a very tormentable adult.

I just spent the last half hour talking to four children who kept asking if I was 79 years old, if I had ever been attacked by pirates, if I had ever gotten married to a pirate, if I’d ever been eaten by a dinosaur, if I knew that I was a big ugly green alien, and if they could turn me into “a whoopie deflated cushion”. And then they competed to see who could scream it the loudest.

clarification: I’m not complaining, this is affectionate tormenting from children who enjoy my presence, not children trying to make me unhappy

purple-jackets-and-good-books:

glumshoe:

I have approximate understanding of some slang.

Care to show us an example?

the internet is tubular

I am Ship, the great and powerful conjuror of pinnipeds!

“Wow…. that’s a… that’s one beefy scarecrow.”
“Mm-hm. We’ve got big crows ‘round these parts.”

#‘there goes one now’#’sir that’s a velociraptor’

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

needsyourbrain:

glumshoe:

My mother’s guests’ son showed up wearing high-waisted black tights, a crop top, and body glitter. I have been desperately searching through my closet for my “GAY” NASA shirt because I do not wish to be so grandiosely out-gayed in my own home.

Did you out-gay him, son?

No. I can’t find my shirt!!!! This calls for desperate measures… time to break out the unseasonably warm Denim Jacket With Rainbows Pouring From The Nipples and High-Waisted Jeans.

It’s 8 PM and I wanted to change into my Data Star Trek Pajamas but those aren’t gay enough.

God dammit! Now he’s playing some kind of bubbly Carly Rae Whatshername pop. What do I do??? How do I relaliate….? Is Janelle Monae enough to save me? Joan Jett? Lads, I don’t think I’m gonna win this one.

Update: his mom inadvertently tipped the scale a little in my favor by saying, “Oh, nice jacket! Jake, come look at this jacket, you’ll love it!” and then I got to explain that I painted it myself:

I don’t think Janelle Monae helped much because the only songs of hers I have downloaded onto my phone are the ones about robots. I know robots are gay culture and all, but does he know that???

But then he pulled ahead of me by striking a pose in my dining room and I swear to god, his thigh muscles rippled like Glittery Gay Gaston. Ugh.

SCORE!!!! I switched to playing MIKA and moonwalked aggressively down the hallway and his own grandmother stepped out of the bathroom and said, “Oh, I thought you were Jake!”

Clearly she mistook my powerful gay energies for his, because we could not look more different.

Desperate times call for desperate measures. Time to Sit In A Chair Funny.