After everything I’ve written/posted recently fic wise, I 100% needed to take a break to return to my first love – fluff. And thankfully Wrai commissioned me to write some sweet sweet Cosmos/Soundwave first date fluff based on a fun idea of theirs, so I had a fucking blast with this.
Title: First Date
Series: TFIDW
Ship: Cosmos/Soundwave
Tags/warnings: Fluff, first date, Soundwave being a dork, Cosmos also being a dork
It wasn’t until Rumble and Frenzy had given him a look that Soundwave considered that, perhaps, he had misunderstood Cosmos’ request.
“It’s just refueling together.”
“It’s never just refueling,” Rumble insisted as he crossed his arms over his chest. Frenzy nodded his agreement.
“Cosmos doesn’t ask just anyone to refuel with him around here. When you told us to make nice with him, we had to literally drag him to share some engex with us.”
“I think he’s just mad that we tell better jokes than he does.”
“And hold our engex better.”
“Jealousy is so ugly.”
“Sharing engex is not the same as sharing energon,” Soundwave argued.
superman is generally pretty good about having good posture and
maintaining his broadcast english but when he’s not careful clark has a
tendency to get a l’il bit drawly and hitch his thumbs in his pockets/belt/whatever
sometimes when he’s thinking he gnaws on his lip and drums on his hipbones and it’s very upsetting to watch quite frankly, what the hell clark, that’s not fair
he owns a lot of bootleg superman shirts because he thinks it’s funny but doesn’t wear them outside the house
the first time he bought eggs from the store he completely fucking smashed an egg to fucking pieces and freaked out because he thought maybe he didn’t know his own strength and ma had to tell him to find a fucking farmer’s market and get some real eggs. it took like twenty minutes on the phone to convince him that everyone who’s used to farm fresh eggs does that. your powers are fine, clark. those eggshells are just weak.
he is generally very careful about being a respectable role model as superman so he likes it when it’s just him and diana and bruce on missions because they know who he is and he can loosen up and act like a fucking dork.
he’s very vigilant about his dental hygiene because he doesn’t know if it’s even possible for him to get a cavity but WHAT THE FUCK WOULD HE EVEN DO IF IT WAS. HOW COULD HE EVEN GET IT FILLED. CAN YOU IMAGINE.
sometimes as a gag batman will shove superman’s shoulder and superman will tip over but one time batman does it near a canyon and not only does superman go along with it, he pretends to fall in and makes the ‘goofy falling off a cliff’ noise when he does it and batman nearly hurts himself trying not to laugh and he’s so fucking pissed that joke was so dumb goddamn it clark go fuck yourself
When I’m super turned-on I can say the filthiest fucking things without even thinking about it but otherwise irl I am so fucking shy I can’t even tell my husband I want to fuck
no seriously
like when he was just my boyfriend and he was visiting me from long-distance, I was like “damn he’s hot” but rather than say that I decided the best way to convey that I was dtf was to come up behind him and reach around and grab his dick
and like any sensible person he was like “why are you grabbing my dick”
and at that point I suddenly remember that I am a shy useless sack of shit and then I am torn because on the one hand I still want to fuck but on the other hand I kind of want to pretend I never thought this was a good idea
so my compromise is to just say “I’m not”
WITH MY HAND STILL ON HIS DICK
so again like any sensible person he’s like “okay well then who is grabbing my dick”
AND I PANICKED
AND SAID
“IT’S A GHOOOooooOOOOoooOOOST”
AND JIGGLED MY HAND LIKE I WAS WEARING A SHEET AND FLOATING THROUGH THE AIR
AND HE LEFT THE ROOM AND EIGHT YEARS LATER MARRIED ME FOR SOME FUCKING REASON
#HE STILL HAS NOT LET ME LIVE THIS DOWN #IF I GRAB HIS DICK HE SCREAMS THAT THE HOUSE IS HAUNTED
I’m fucking pissing myself.
You know how all of Jupiter’s moons are named after his lovers and affairs?
Yeah. NASA is sending a craft to check up on Jupiter.
You know what the craft is called?
JUNO.
Who’s Juno?
JUPITER’S WIFE.
NASA IS SENDING JUPITER’S WIFE TO CHECK ON JUPITER AND HIS AFFAIRS AND LOVERS.
FUCKING NASA
Protip: Since it’s inception NASA has been comprised of 75% magnificent bastards and 25% tricky dicks
This is a song ground control used to wake the astronauts with. It is the earliest form of Micspam i can think of. It’s also the only song to ever be banned by NASA.
NASA invented Micspam.
IS THAT EVEN A FUCKING SONG!?!?!?!?!?!? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
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