My cousin is a professional hippo keeper and has advanced far enough in the field of professional hippo keeping that sheâs head of..idk, hippos? all giant herbivores? at Disney and has been consulting with the Cincinnati zoo about Fiona.
And being her facebook friend has really introduced me to the subculture of hippo keepers, who apparently all know each other and also can recognize most zoo hippos on sight.Â
And man, if you thought cat ladies were bad about the âmy precious panther children just bit the shit out of my arm and then vomited on my rugâ  shit then I need to tell you that it is NOTHING compared to how hippo people talk about hippos with each other.  For example, my cousin will post a cute video of Fiona and her mother and all her hippo friends will comment things like, âAww, look at Bibi.  Sheâs beautiful. Remember that time she bit down while I was brushing her teeth and she broke every bone in my hand?â and all the other people are like,  âAw, precious Nile princess! I remember riding with you in the ambulance!â
Or sheâll post a picture of baby Fiona gnawing gently on her caregiverâs leg and someone will respond with a picture of a massive bruise she got when a teenage hippo did that and everyone will be like, âhahaha, these nightmare murder beasts sure are wonderful.â
humans=space-orcs of the âwill befriend anythingâ variety: Exhibit A.
have been in a long-term relationship with a zookeeper. can absolutely confirm.
about the only species she never warmed up to were the hyper-aggressive Jabiru storks, which were in the same âif one gets out, nobody goes anywhere alone or without a gunâ threat protocol as the lions. Jabirus are assholes.
Because Iâd never heard of Jabirus⌠photo time!
This is Mr. Jabiru eating a piranha.
This is Mr. Jabiru being mobbed by what appears to be a southern caracara (bird of prey) and not giving a damn.
Big Boy Mr. Jabiru is 5 feet tall (1.53 m) and has a 9-foot (2.8 m) wingspan.
Tell me again about how âdinosaurs arenât as cool or scary now that we know they had feathers.â JFC these guys are simultaneously beautiful and terrifying.
Look at all these excellent feathered terror babies!
second to last one is basically a really big lammergeier
People who took the news of feathered dinosaurs like this:
And those who took it like this:
I hate it when people say âscience ruined dinosaursâ as though dinosaurs are just some pop culture monster invention and not real things that existed and that we are continuing to make new discoveries about
Amen
Listen I donât care if you think feathers on a dinosaur look stupid if a 9 ton apex predator is coming at you at 25 mph, youâre not going to laugh at its feathers. YOUâRE GOING TO HAUL ASS
If you think feathered dinosaurs arenât scary youâve obviously never been chased by an angry swan.
It wouldnât matter if Tyrannosaurus Rex was a floof borb like chickadees and looked completely round from all the feathers.
If it came at you with a mouth full of six-inch fangs, you would scream, quite possibly wet yourself, and run.
For those still doubtful, four words: emus won a war.Â
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