Xen. Boy has zero self consciousness and would do it in a heartbeat. The others would hesitate if they even agreed at all, but Xen would have his clothes off before you can even finish asking him.
I am so busy but so are the tawny emperor caterpillar babies so have some photos. They’re really not very smart but they’re so cute. I love how they are big enough now that I can collect the faces they drop when they molt. Top photo is a caterpillar immediately after molting, before the new face has hardened.
night time would be so beautiful and fun if all men had a curfew
Oh my god my mind runs wild thinking of all the things I’d do in the dark if there were no men out after 9.
I would wear a pretty dress and walk
in my +seven years on tumblr, this comment above me is probably the single most profound and memorable comment i’ve seen on anything on this site
i’ve seen this post multiple times and even when i haven’t seen it for months and months it still comes to mind sometimes and it’s like a stab to the chest because of how simple and yet excruciatingly true it is
i feel like even in 40 years i am going to remember this one single comment
the Mata mata, Mata-Mata, or Matamata(matamatamata), depending on how pedantic the biologist you’re asking is, is a large river turtle found in the Amazon Basin. they grow to around 18 inches long (shell length only) and weigh up to 33 pounds (whole damn turtle)
oh also their common name is literally Spanish for KILL-KILL, but they don’t really deserve it.
*heavy metal screaming*
the Mata mata was first described and named by European scientists in 1783, who then spent the next two hundred years fighting over the scientific name of this damn turtle. seriously, they changed it 14 times in that span. people probably lost tenure over this thing.
blood was almost definitely shed.
but it’s all worth it to bear the noble name Chelus fimbriata (as of 1992)
Mata matas live on the bottoms of shallow streams, where they blend in perfectly with the rest of the crud mucking up the bottom.
they live on a strict diet of whatever little swimmy thing happens to pass in front of them. this includes fish, frogs, crayfish, worms, weeds that kind of look like fish from a certain angle, and fingers.
Mata matas really don’t move around much, and prefer walking slowly and dramatically along the streambed to swimming. this helps prevent them from being noticed by larger predators such as the Jaguar, who loves him some sweet sweet turtle meats.
luckily the Mata matas can come up for air without giving themselves away, as they have a very special adaptation:
AAAAAAAAAA! AAAAAAAA.
the Mata mata’s neck is almost as long as it’s entire body! they use it to stretch their head up to the surface to breath, exactly like a snorkel but if the snorkel was really just your own devil neck.
in fact, the Mata mata’s neck is so long that the turtle cannot retract it into its shell like its relatives. they rely mostly on holding really still and looking like a gross leaf to avoid predators. would YOU eat a gross stream leaf? didn’t think so.
don’t knock it till you’ve tried it
currently many wild turtle populations are declining, or in danger of collapse due to human activity and capture for food/the pet trade. luckily, this does not seem to be the case with the Mata mata. (BREATH SIGH OF RELIEF NOW.)
Mata matas are currently listed as Least Concern and are still fairly common in the wild, but they are also increasingly common as pets (people love that weird little smirk). however, they are really fucking expensive and best left to more experienced hobbyists. Mata matas do very well in captivity because they HARDLY MOVE ANYWAY, so aquarium life isn’t much of a strain on them.
as long as they feed me I don’t really care
let’s all take a moment to be thankful for this.
goodbye for now, Mata mata!
“18 inches long (shell length only) and weigh up to 33 pounds (whole damn turtle)” made me die from laughter-induced asphyxiation
i’d like to point out that when i made this post, all of these comments were at the top, but now if you look at the thread they’ve been replaced by completely different comments
so please, for the love of god, look at the source link this thread is a neverending source of entertainment. people have added so much fucking shit since i made this
I was proctoring an exam for a student today while reading these, and I had to stop because I got to this one and almost fucking died
these are making my day
Okay, this one’s killing me:
These ones got me:
Ooohhh noo I can’t breathe and there are literal tears streaming down my face
trying to convince people who don’t live around corn that you Do Not Fuck With Corn is such a weird and exhausting conversation like how am i supposed to convince your california ass that something evil is within those stalks and its not the same thing every time and maybe its not always there but its always watching and this is not the kinda monster that you wanna fuck its the kinda monster that Fucks You Up™
BettSplendens Tumblr Evac 