If I had a parrot, I’d Skype other people with parrots and let my parrot see the feed so they could chat. Safe birb interaction, and long-distance to boot!
He stopped in front of the mirror and sighed. His penis was just a little too large to be fashionable, and his balls were just a little lopsided. Most days it didn’t bother him, but today he pushed at his genitals, trying to make them look more normal, like the men in magazines. It was hopeless. He dropped his junk in resigned frustration. There were worse things than having too large of a penis, he thought.
While, granted, some writers do take the breast thing too far, this comparison doesn’t even make sense. Men don’t obsess about their genitals the way women obsess about their breasts because they’re not in your face all the time (in the case of large boobs). Breasts are just more visible (closer to eye level).
Newsflash! Women don’t obsess about our breasts.
No really, we live with them 24/7, we can see friends, and relatives breasts pretty much on demand, hell, we just have to go to get changed at the gym to be inundated with boobs. They are really boring to us (ad while we’re on it, nowhere near as sensitive as so many men seem to think!).
The only time a woman might obsess about her breasts is when they’re painful, such as when lactating or wearing an ill-fitting bra, and neither situation is at all sexy.
Men obsess over women’s breasts. Women don’t.
I’m just loling about supposedly obsessing over my breasts because they’re near my face.
“In your face all the time (in case of large boobs)”
So apparently large breasts are gravity-defying objects that rise up to our face until eye level, huh??
Any women out there willing to draw out how this guy’s version of boob reality might look like, because this is just too ridiculous 😂😂😂
I needed this belly-laugh, I really did, so many you did too.
I..am..idk
🤣😂🤣
And before anyone says anything about women who are into women: breasts can be attractive, but they’re still mundane and we are perfectly able to not ogle or feel abashed when in the presence of bare-breasted people.
Fish scratch itches by kinda flicking the itchy part against a rock or other solid surface. It’s called “flashing” and, if it happens repeatedly, can be a sign that something is wrong. If it’s just once, that’s just a regular itch.
Alright, so I’ve got this guy. His name’s Twitch. It’s not particularly clever, he has a tiny glitch somewhere in his coding (probably up next to the stuff about how to blink) that makes one of his optic lids twitch. Not important enough to put the effort into fixing it.
He used to work in medical waste disposal, cleaning up messes and removing biohazards and such.
Accidentally overheard a budding Decepticon going on a very long and entirely logical anti-Functionalist speech to some medics, thought about it for awhile, went “yeah okay makes sense”, and offered to help distribute their information. People don’t tend to notice trash bots, he was good at getting around quietly, but was eventually captured by Functionalists who had a sense of irony.
More stuff. Includes descriptions of interface equipment mods. Weird ones. Also a description of how Twitch’s interface equipment and internal workings handles transfluid.
His spike is unmodified, and is, uh, interestingly colored. Looks like an overlapping series of plates, with soft edges, and is bright, toxic green with yellow and black hints. Basically, his spike is patterned like a bio-hazard. Matches his natural frame colors.
His valve is kind of a generic silver-blue, specifically made that way rather than being left hazard-colored. Intended to be tempting.
About the front third of his valve clamps down tightly when sensors near the back of his valve detect charge levels suggesting a partner is about to overload. The entire length ripples in a way intended to coax a partner’s frame into filling him with as much transfluid as they can give by tricking the partner into thinking the valve’s owner is in heat. His overflow tank opens easily, and shuts as soon as the transfluid flow through it stops.
Once his overflow tank is full, his modified gestation tank starts working, filtering out all the reproductive nanites inside. The reproductive nanites will be converted into repair nanites, which are stored in what are supposed to be transfluid storage tanks. The assorted non-nanite substances are processed by another part of his formerly-gestation-tank, digesting the transfluid and turning it into energy. It’s weird.
Twitch knows a lot about that process because the mech who modded that part of him was very proud of having essentially reversed the process of how a gestation tank fuels and creates a sparkling. Lots of bragging, lots of descriptions of the process and the workings.
His plating is kind of a dull, unremarkable grey, but edged in that bright warning-green. His protoform is striped yellow and black where you can get a glimpse of it. Basically, unremarkable “don’t mind me” colors with hints of “WARNING WARNING TOXIC” colors, pretty typical on medical waste disposal mechs.
Twitch is aware that he’s more or less a trash can for medical waste, albeit with a side dose of nanite factory. That’s not a problem for him. It’s his job. Occasionally mutters “don’t mind me, I’m just one of the trash cans” and goes to sit in a corner or next to an actual trash can if he’s hoping to overhear gossip. It’s worked before, just quietly sitting and listening, people don’t tend to pay too much attention to the trash mechs. Slightly more attention to people with camera optics, though.
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