Squeaky toys have not fully matured into good playfellows yet.
Have… Any of you actually watched the video and seen the part where the dog almost grabs one of the kittens? If the dog decided to follow through that kitten would be a rag doll and dead or hurt in way too short a time to intervene. This is not ok.
That dog is far too large and excited to play with those kittens. Dog play is different from cat play, and there’s a huge size difference here. That husky could seriously hurt or kill one of the kittens by mistake, either by grabbing one or just by stepping on one. The video is cute, but not worth the risk of one of those kittens being crushed.
Gentle reminder that the human eye is naturally drawn by noise and movement, so the next time you walk into a crowd or a bit late into a lecture or something like that, they’re not staring at you or judging; it’s just an instinctive reaction that has nothing to do with you doing anything wrong.
This really helps my anxiety.
oh.
It’s literally a threat assessment/food gathering instinct. The steps your brain is doing, subconsciously.
-Check to see if movement is lion in grass.
-Also check to see if possible game animal and edible.
-No it’s just Dave getting into lecture hall a few minutes late.
-That’s boring.
-Lose interest.
Well, now I’m worried that when I walk in late, I’ll be considered prey.
Hey #bettablr I am in the process of building the best home I can for a fish, and have a heated, filtered 10 gallon planted and am fishless cycling it right now and all that good stuff BUT my pH is 8.0. I seem to be getting conflicting information that:
1) bettas should be kept at about 7.0 (this appears to be scientific)
2) bettas can tolerate a wider range of pH’s and 8.0 should be fine (this appears to be anecdotal not scientific) and is “tolerate” the same as “thriving” in this instance?
3) chemical pH balancers ‘do more harm than good’ and shouldn’t be used (this appears to be anecdotal as well, possibly due to incorrect use?).
Is it possible i have a high pH because of the cycling? do ammonia/nitrite/nitrate levels affect the pH?
I know anecdotal evidence can have just as much weight as scientific evidence, especially in hobbies, so I don’t want to discount it, but I also know that in hobbies people will push “the animal is fine so you’re fine” mentality and disregard important information so they can keep a pet easily instead of correctly.
most importantly: am I over thinking the pH problem?
Imma pass this onto @elemental-kiss since they have some very good information on betta pH the gist is you should have lower pH for bettas. Higher pH puts strain on their little bodies.
Domestic bettas are a hybrid species derived from fish that live in soft, acidic environments. The pH ranges from around 5 to a bit below 7. That is what they’re adapated for and should be kept at. Aiming for a number in the middle of the range is ideal.
Keeping them at a basic, hard pH will negatively affect them and shorten their lifespan.
Chemical pH changers tend to cause large, fast swings in pH, but when used correctly can be safe and effective. You need a kH that isn’t too high or too low- the former will prevent the pH from swinging down, the latter will prevent it from staying stable when you swing it down. 4-7 is the magic number for kH i believe.
Indian almond leaves, blackwater extract, driftwood, and other botanicals leech tannins which stain the water brown like tea and lower the pH. This is what is most recommended to lower pH. Bettas in the wild live in darkly stained water, they will feel much more comfortable in tannin stained water than in clear water. Make sure your filter media doesn’t contain carbon, it will soak up the tannins and clear the water. Mixing R/O water in with your tap can also help lower pH if your tap water doesn’t swing easily or is too hard.
pH of 7 is absolute neutral. Most fish can tolerate it, but very few truly thrive at neutral- because bodies of water, for the most part, aren’t neutral in pH. Bettas certainly are not derived from neutral waters. Decaying leaf litter in their native waters release tannins constantly.
They should always be kept at a pH below neutral, with tannins and heavy planting.
I suggest using dried Indian almond leaves, dried oak leaves, and dark-colored driftwood to stain the water with tannins. Your betta will be much calmer without bright lights shining down on it, for one thing. You’ll have to replace the leaves now and then as they break down, but the old ones don’t need to be removed, they’ll just form leaf litter. Plus, leaves in the water grow lots of microorganisms for your betta to snack on.
To keep the tannins up, don’t do large water changes. Change 25% or less at a time, and that way the tannin level can increase again before the next water change.
When I worked at a mental health crisis centre, I couldn’t believe how many people came to us, not because of their own problems, but because they were so lost in a friend’s pain that they couldn’t take it anymore. I saw a lot of people who were so worn down from helping someone else that they couldn’t sleep, eat, socialize or focus at work or school. They were consumed with guilt every time they put down their phones, went to sleep, or dared to enjoy themselves and have a good time. All because they had no idea how to set boundaries.
Helping your friends through a tough situation is a wonderful and noble thing to do, but it only works if you’re mentally in a place to do so. If you’re dealing with issues or mental illness of your own, you’re not always capable of being someone else’s shoulder to cry on 24/7. And that’s okay. Sometimes, you have to put yourself first. You can’t help someone else if you’re a mess yourself. You can’t save a drowning person with a sinking ship.
Telling a friend that you’re overwhelmed and you need a break is one of the hardest things you’ll ever have to do. Honesty is the best policy – don’t go radio silent on them, or avoid answering their messages. Be honest about how you’re feeling, and what you need from them. If you’re stuck on what to say and how to start the conversation, here are a few suggestions. Feel free to copy them exactly:
It’s really hard for me to admit this, but I’ve been feeling like I’m on the verge of a breakdown lately. I love you and I care about you, but I need to take some time to take care of myself for a while.
I’m really concerned about you, but I honestly don’t know how to deal with this and I’m worried I’ll say the wrong thing. I really think that you should talk to a professional about this.
This is hard for me to admit, but I have a lot going on in my life right now, and it’s getting to be too much for me. Would it be okay if we talked about lighter stuff for the next little while?
You deserve more support than I can give you. I think you need to tell a close family member or professional about what’s going on.
It seems like every time we talk about this, things are worse for you. I’m worried that my advice isn’t helping you at all, and I think you should talk to someone more qualified than me.
I’m really worried for your safety, and it breaks my heart, but I can’t keep you safe all by myself. Would it be okay if we told someone else what was going on?
I’m sorry, but I can’t answer my text messages 24 hours per day. I really want to make sure that you always have someone to turn to if I’m not available. Are there some other people you would trust with this? I can help you tell them, if you’re not comfortable doing it by yourself.
I hope these suggestions are helpful – best of luck to all of you, and make sure to put your own mental health first when you have to.
When I was a child, from the time I was about four and could understand things, my mom told me and my brother that we should have a secret word. That way, if we were ever in trouble or felt unsafe and we didn’t want the people around us to know we needed her to come get us, we could let her know. So she let us pick the word and my brother and I chose the phrase “peanut butter cups.” (I’m happy to share the phrase now since both my brother and I are adults now).
I used the phrase twice in my life. Once, I was at a friends house when I eight years old. Her dad got really drunk and was throwing things against the wall. I was really scared and I didn’t want to draw attention to myself on the phone when I called my mom to come get me because I didn’t know if he would get more violent if I asked her to come get me. So I called her and was calm and after a couple minutes I asked “Hey mommy, did you get me those peanut butter cups from the store?” And she said “I’ll be right there.” And she came and got me within minutes.
Second, I was a teenager spending the night at a friends house. Her brother and dad were drinking and they started talking about things that made me uncomfortable – ie: what they liked to do to women. My friend didn’t seem perturbed and said that was normal for them and that I shouldn’t worry. But I was worried because they were really drunk and I was 15 and the only ‘woman’ around that wasn’t related to them. I went in my friends room, told her I needed to call my mom and say goodnight. Before I hung up with her I asked “Next time we go to the store, can we get some peanut butters cups? I’ve been craving them.” And she came and got me, just like that.
Two incidents, one as a young child, one years later as a teen. Don’t discredit this stuff, it fucking works. My brother used it a few times too. Let your child pick the word and no never, ever, ever, ever get mad at them for using it no matter what it is.
DO NOT SCROLL PAST THAT.
We did this. We had a phrase people could use to indicate they were allowed to pick us up (the official name of our cat, not what we called him), and we were to shout obscenities/hit back if someone tried to take us.
I mean, these days cursing from small children is less startling, but we were specifically encouraged to use foul language to startle others at the time because it was still unusual when we were young.
ALWAYS have a code word that means no matter what, you will get your child out of the situation, and it will not be their fault.
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