[Me and my husband, watching a martial arts film]
Me: See, now this is how the Jedi should have recruited their Padawans: you find some dude and then challenge him to a fight, and if he kicks your ass you then have to beg him to teach you.
Husband: Yeah, but the Jedi were a lot younger when they become a Padawan than these guys.
Me: [cracking up] So it’d just be teenage Obi-Wan all “COME AT ME, JINN, LET’S DO THIS I’LL TAKE YOU” to 50-year-old Qui-Gon. Like, jumping on his back while he’s walking to the cafeteria. Luke trying to bodyslam 900-year-old Yoda once he figures out that he’s a Jedi Master. Or Ahsoka, like, 13 years old and trying to start shit with the Chosen One. Fistfights breaking out in the hallways…
Husband: You should have to win a fight to get on the Council. You have to challenge someone for their seat.
Me: [dying] Oh God, Anakin would be so into this.
Husband: You should at least have to best a sitting council member in a Jedi dance solo.Honestly, this should be canon. I can totally see Ahsoka starting shit with the Chosen One.
FOR REAL. Tiny Snips showing up in front of Anakin’s dorm door some day all “IT’S ON, SKYGUY.” (Also, I’m dying because you know that as Mr. Force Himself, Anakin was probably highly-sought-after and so I’m just picturing tiny Jedi trying to lure him into a fight every other damn day when he’s back at the Temple because they all want to be the Chosen One’s Padawan.)
Also: 9-year-old Anakin trying to fight 25-year-old Obi-Wan is killing me. Obi-Wan being all “It’s all right, Anakin, Master Yoda already said I can train you, you don’t need to challenge me to a fight, Padawans aren’t usually as young as you and you haven’t had any real Jedi training yet so it’s not a good –” and Anakin being like “NOPE, if this is what Jedi do, I’m gonna do it too, Obi-Wan. It’s happening. HAAAAAAAAAA!” and flying at him with his tiny little fists while Obi-Wan is like “MASTER YODA WHAT DO I DO??” and the whole Council is just in stitches as this all goes down.
Ok you know what’s killing me here? The fact that obviously the more skilled you become as a Jedi the BETTER you have to be at AVOIDING fights. I mean one of the secret trials of knighthood would have to be proving that you are capable of derailing a preteen’s attempts at fighting or else you’d be dealing constantly with initiate attempts to fight!
The first step to being a Padawan isn’t convincing your potential Master to take you on, it’s getting them to fight you in the first place.
So imagine all those tiny Jedi throwing themselves at the Chosen One and Anakin just striding through like the tall bastard he is, ignoring the occasional flying tackle attempt and dancing aside from small fists without looking up from his latest speeder schematics.
And imagine the traps they attempt to set, hoping to corner him into a confrontation – a tactic that would actually be quite effective, were it not for the fact that Anakin Skywalker was trained by Obi-Wan Kenobi, and we all know their mutual stance on traps…
(Speaking of which, consider how many attempts there are after Anakin’s knighting to earn a place as Obi-Wan’s new Padawan – the poor man is constantly battling rugrats as well!)
Snips wins her place through cunning and persistence. I’m thinking it involves her pretending to be after Obi-Wan as a Master, a carefully timed post mission encounter and a plate of cookies or something – while keeping up light conversation she makes sure to steal the last treat out of Anakin’s fingers prompting him to chase her and thus initiating a fight. Anakin and Obi-Wan will boast about this for YEARS.
But anyway aside from cunning old Jedi who can evade like whoa, consider the second part of this whole ritual. The begging to be trained.
Consider the idea of a smol Anakin clearing his throat and humbling requesting Obi-Wan take him on as his Padawan learner and Obi-Wan being like “Yes! Of course!” and Anakin pouting and insisting it’s not fair if he doesn’t do this right! Obi-Wan needs to be persuaded like tradition says! He made an entire list of arguments! So Obi-Wan has to sit there and hide his smile while he gives pro forma rejections for Anakin to rebut.
The council are in need of medical assistance at this point due to excessive laughter.
But also consider the other partnership we haven’t looked at yet.
Young Dooku having managed to engage Yoda in a fight, but not quite able to bend his pride enough to actually beg for training. The old troll is having so much fun just WAITING and watching the boy squirm!
…you know that Ahsoka also tried to make it look like she was going after Obi-Wan for her Master so that Anakin would be additionally motivated to fight her. Part of Obi-Wan’s challenge in fending off would-be apprentices is that he also has to keep Anakin from fighting them himself (because obviously no one is ever allowed to be Obi-Wan’s apprentice but him).
Oh gosh, I love all of this. You know, “being good at avoiding a fight” IS a Jedi thing, surely! So they WOULD have to learn creative ways to safely deflect someone who’s trying to pick a fight, especially if it’s someone much smaller and not as well-trained as they are. So they hone this skill in part by avoiding a rumble with one of the thousands of tiny Forcelings running around in the Temple.
Obi-Wan and Anakin, just calmly walking down the hallway together, talking about last night’s episode of Coruscant’s Got Talent, each of them barely batting an eye as a steady stream of younglings yells out challenges, tries to trip them, comes flying at their backs. Just another day, really.
Yes! That last image is pretty much exactly what I was thinking!
And of course Anakin makes life even more difficult for poor Obi-Wan! And of course Ahsoka was the only one to notice and utilise this dynamic to get what she wanted! She fits right in to their little family!
Of course with Knight Skywalker off the table the competition to engage Master Kenobi must be INTENSE. Anakin and Ahsoka have his back of course, but it would be nice to be able to meditate quietly in the gardens for a change. Maybe he should let a few try their chances…
Anakin & Ahsoka: “NO.”
(Neither of them are keen on sharing, especially with a kid who can’t find a way to make their own opening! )
Speaking of which Ahsoka is inundated with initiates wanting to know how she did it. Her advice gets snippier and snippier until she too begins to avoid them. Anakin beams with pride – she’s learning already!
Also I’m thinking of a tiny little Caleb Dume, wondering if it’s fair to try and attack Master Billaba so soon after she’s left medical. Because he’s sure she’s the one he wants to teach him, but she was badly hurt…
Ooh. Consider the outside reactions to these traditions! So many senators are completely shocked on their first visits to the Temple. It’s a madhouse!
In contrast the clones think proving your worth through practical demonstrations is an eminently sensible idea! They just think it should be done in a far less chaotic manner!
I remember the first time I tried drying catnip in the food dehydrator, and accidentally invented a cat vape station.
Came home to all three of them (only had three at the time) literally laying on/around the dehydrator stoned out of their little kitty minds.
the incredibles 2 was REEEAALLLY good and maybe one of my new favorite movies but man people were not fackin around about the epilepsy stuff
like i’m not even epileptic and i had to close my eyes they were so bad so to give context without spoilers the scenes are:
1. part where helen is having a talk show as soon as the interviewer starts acting really weird
2. when helen breaks into the villain’s apartment (this one lasts the longest and has the lights covering the whole screen)
3. a bunch of luckily really short scenes on the boat near the end, pretty much whenever you see a crowd scene
also i wanna add i know there’s been a lot of warnings before (and i’m sure there were official ones i’ve missed) but most of them have been really vague so i just wanna give a better idea of when this stuff happens. thenk you
are you ready for my favorite fact?
If you leave a hamster wheel out in the forest, wild mice will come and run on it.
that is my favorite fact
Bobcats and lynx will sit in cardboard boxes abandoned in the middle of the forest.
I asked the lynx researcher who told me this why, and he said “Cats, man” and shrugged.
I’m plotting a hostile takeover of DC Comics with @kuttithevangu and we’re going to start writing Batman ourselves. Here are some of our plans:
–The Joker Goes to Clown College. The Joker has become tediously overused, unfunny, and ludicrously dark and gritty. He’s so fucking boring that we’re putting a ban on stories in which he’s a major villain for several years. In the meantime, Dick Grayson starts visiting him in Arkham with very special visitors in tow: professional clowns from Haly’s Circus. They offer constructive criticism and then help him get accepted to a four-year clown college, where he can get a degree in clowning, improve his comedy potential, and learn to execute jokes with fewer executions. Clown college in this world is just like regular university so The Joker has to like… write essays on Buster Keaton and stuff. [Alternative: The Joker accidentally turns himself into a hamster (with a Joker face) and has to live in a cage in the Batcave while they research ways to turn him back.]
–New Original Character: Brad. Damian Wayne isn’t Bruce’s only illegitimate biological son! Brad is a perfectly normal, well-adjusted teenager whose mother had a one-night stand with Bruce at a party years ago. Brad decides to reach out to his biological playboy father after tabloids confirm a paternity test. Damian finds this very threatening but there’s nothing he can do about it because Brad is an oblivious civilian who only visits every few weeks and has no idea that his father and half-siblings are vigilantes.
–Tim Drake Gets What He Deserves. Tim has been written darker and grittier with every passing year, a far cry from the fun dweeb he was when first introduced. As he becomes more and more like Bruce, he picks up another of his mentor’s traits: the ability to attract plucky youngsters who insist on cheering him up. Previous unsuccessful attempts to introduce Carrie Kelley to the main DC canon are scrapped; she’s BACK and she’s a 14 year old tacky gay genderfluid snoop who figures out his identity and passionately believes that Red Robin needs a Burger King, or something. She gets what she wants and she wants to play DnD. HOW THE TURNS HAVE TABLED, TIMOTHY.
–Batfamily camping trip. IDK, maybe Brad is responsible for this. It goes poorly because no one (except perhaps Babs) has any experience in legitimate outdoor recreation beyond hardcore wilderness survival.
–#batmanchallenge. The Batman Challenge starts trending and young people start coming to Gotham in an attempt to get Batman to punch them on video. Jason Todd gets in on it.
–The Secret Life of Alfred Pennyworth. Alfred has a whole secret social life that Bruce doesn’t know about because he has never once contemplated that Alfred is a sexual being with considerable game. He’s very popular among the ladies at the bridge club and Old People Who Love Shakespeare Club, which is for old people.
story concept of the day: a “medical mystery of the week” serial set in a world with monsters and superpowers and mutants and aliens
It would be like. One part comedy, one part drama, two parts world-building. The hospital has an aquatic wing for mermaids and sea monsters. How do you treat someone who has telepathic influenza? We’ll figure it out, I guess!
Some storyline concepts:
—a woman from a telepathic race based on anglerfish shows up in the ER in a panic because her mate, who is tiny and permanently attached to her body, has stopped communicating through their telepathic link
—the air-breathing doctors have to take over the aquatic ward after a mysterious illness spreads through the water-breathing staff
—an ambulance brings in an unconscious alien from a species totally outside of medical literature, the staff scramble to save their life while flying blind
—the first outbreak of lycanthropy in 50 years occurs following protests against the vaccine, the hospital is quarantined while the on-staff pharmacists try to control the situation
If I write this, I’d want it to be like. Scrubs meets WTNV.
Character concept: a demon who works in the ER because their ability to “steal” souls means they can bring back patients who are medically dead but still repairable if you can just get them breathing again.
He has some insanely generic sounding name like Doctor Fred and has that “snake tongue, fangs, ram horns, red skin, yellow eyes, long tail, black bat wings” thing going on
He’s like 35 and the object of unrepentant longing from most of the interns and junior staff. He’s kind and patient and great with kids and has the cutest hiccupy laugh and is absolutely the guy you want overseeing your training because he never yells. Everyone wants to marry Doctor Fred.
It’s a running joke that he’s probably a literal Incubus but there’s no aura or magic at play, he’s just got a perfect personality.
I think I’m naming this story “doctors and demons” for now
Another character is just. Nessie. The Loch Ness monster is here. She works at the front desk for the aquatic ward and pokes her head out of the water to pass notes and files to the other doctors.
One of the aquatic doctors is Doctor Lagoon, who is the creature from the black lagoon. He’s very intimidating but can be immediately be calmed down by bringing up his human wife or their daughter. There’s a picture of him holding his wife bridal style on his desk.
The actual protagonist is a human woman who considers herself totally normal but actually has SOME sort of powerful telekinesis that she constantly explains away as coincidence.
There’s a character named Cadaver or Caddie who is a living corpse that constantly regenerates. She’s vital to the hospital for organ transplants but an absolute nightmare for the staff because she does things like host speed dating for zombies in the morgue and eat everyone lunch out of the staff room fridge.
Also I think the protagonist’s name is Jane Doe or Doctor Doe, as a joke on her being average but… not at all.
I think the trio of main characters are Doctor Fred (emergency), Doctor Doe (in-patient) and an alien surgeon named Doctor Hive, who is close to an insectoid Cthulhu. A running joke is her ability to keep track of her hundreds of children but not the names of any of their fathers or her coworkers except her very favorites.
Finally, a worthy heir to the distinguished legacy of None Pizza With Left Beef
They gave you a cheese
it’s the cheese(no)burger
Hey I saw a youtube advertisement about PrEP the other day. It claimed that PrEP prevents HIV.
THIS IS NOT TRUE.
PrEP is a pill that you take daily. It only reduces the risk of you contacting HIV. YOU MUST STILL USE CONDOMS AND AVOID SHARING NEEDLES WHEN ON PrEP. PrEP is for “I use condoms but I’m afraid one day one might accidentally break” not “I’m immune now”. Please stay safe.
bodacious
@imnb he actually was attacking me in the first gif! You can see him do a little wing slap and try to bite, but he didn’t want to deflate his neck (don’t worry, he can) so he didn’t succeed. By the second gif he remembered that I’m the thing that feeds and cleans so he relaxed- he and his wife do indeed let me pet them and give them yummy treats after the initial “begone fowl beast!” response.
I love that voorburg pigeons are entirely functional pigeons except when they’re being silly bois who don’t want to deflate their showy neck bag.
So I’ve seen the post he’s talking about around tumblr and twitter, but haven’t seen this on tumblr. I think it’s worth sharing.
(Also remember: do *not* pet service dogs!)
BettSplendens Tumblr Evac 