Tyrannosaurus was not the most dangerous animal in the park. Having imprinted on its handler since infancy, the creature maintained a docile temperament all the way to adulthood, and indeed seemed to prefer feeding from its designated trough to pursuing prey. Its interactions with staff and guests showed at most a mild curiosity, and the only real terror the beast inspired was when it snuck up on trainers to sniff their hats.
The raptors were not the most dangerous animals in the park. Hollywood had greatly exaggerated their size, first of all, and while they had a mischievous streak (one individual in particular was fond of stealin zookeepers’ wallets), they were far from the hyper-intelligent murder lizards everyone expected. Their intelligence was less of the predatory sort and more the comical intelligence of a corvid, devoted mostly to play and caring for their fellow flock members.
The mosasaur was not the most dangerous animal in the park. Though it held no loyalty to the zookeepers, it had taken to training well enough, and would dutifully move to a specific section of the tank when signaled, giving the keepers space to carry out any business they needed to accomplish in its tank without fear of harm.
No, by far the most dangerous animal in the park was the Struthiomimus. Everyone expected it to be easy – what were these animals in pop culture beyond being fodder for the carnivores? Surely the bird-mimics couldn’t be much of a hassle. Sadly, they weren’t just any bird mimics.
No, in temperament, the Struthiomimus mimicked a swan.
Highly territorial and vicious to the bone, more keepers had suffering brutal beatings by the struthis than had been hurt by the rest of the park’s fauna combined. And when they learned to chew through the fences…
Well, let’s just say the Tyrannosaurus never experienced a more terrifying day in her life.
Dumb Sequel Ideas for Venom, Sony Feel Free to Use
-Venom pulling a Batman and becoming a pseudo-urban legend around the shitty sides of San Fran. Just this big hulking mystery monster that pops up out of nowhere to beat the shit out of bad guys and maybe hork down some villains’ brains. Word on the street is that you can garner his favor through king size chocolate bars and French fries.
-A potential montage:
Police: “Now you’re sure you haven’t seen this 9 ft tall leech man around here?”
Citizens 1-10, all of whom were rescued by Venom/watched Venom fold a cop car in half/punt a CEO across the Bay: “Nope”
Police: “You’re sure?”
Ms. Chen: “I think I’d know if I saw him.” (speaking over cop’s shoulder) “You ready to check out, Eddie?”
Eddie, loaded down with frozen hash browns and Hershey kisses: “Yup”
-Anne and Dan inevitably finding out. Eddie doing the shittiest job possible trying to lie.
Eddie, about the multiple selfies and videos of Venom with the public: “What, that? Isn’t that Spider-Man?? Maybe he went goth, you don’t know.”
Anne:
Anne: “Venom, come out.”
Venom, on Eddie’s shoulder: “…Hi Annie”
-When the Carnage vs Venom fight comes and Venom inevitably gets torn off Eddie, Eddie gets a solo badass moment against Carnage when he tries to kill Venom. Preferably with a flamethrower. Preferably with a cheesy-good one liner.
“Get away from him, you dick”
-Closing scene
Police, inundated with video proof: “This. This thing right here. Big toothy slime giant. Recently fought another redder toothy slime giant, in public, broad daylight. Disappeared again. Supposedly no witnesses. Sir, please. Please. Have you seen this cannibalistic pile of talking ink?”
Stan Lee: “…Isn’t that Spider-Man? I miss the old costume.”
BettSplendens Tumblr Evac 