I wish I could retroactively add the six different doctors who refused any surgical intervention relating to my uterus and/or ovaries between the ages of 16 and 30 “in case you change your mind about having children.”
Also, most artificial flavors are just, like, the exact same thing as the natural flavoring except they mixed it up in a lab instead of getting it out of a plant.
-constant feeling that you need to poop
-crotch pains
-those moments when you can feel the blood dripping out
-cramps for days before you actually see any blood
-simultaneous nausea and ravenous hunger
-simultaneous WANT SEX NOW and DON’T TOUCH ME EVER
-maximum rage at cis men
-got sensory issues? now they’re a lot worse
-got mental illness? no you don’t, any and all of your emotional problems can be blamed on your uterus
-that legitimate breakdown you had last week about a serious issue? PMS
-got any preexisting health issues? they’re all worse now
-gross gross gross gross gross gross gross gross
Yes to the poop thing omfg
The chemical signal your body tells the uterus to shed the lining can seep through and tell your colon to do the same. It’s why you poop more during you’re period.
Science!^
My uterus is fucking stupid like why does it have to hurt so bad
I hate my period. I clot horribly and my cramps are debilitating.
Endometriosis doing endometriosis things.
PMS is sending me through hell right now.
PSA: If your period hurts, like actually hurts, something is medically wrong and you need to go see a doctor. Period cramps are supposed to be sort of uncomfortable but really not that bad. Actual pain is a sign of a medical condition.
“Members of the jury” works best if you are not, in fact, addressing a jury.
These are facts.
Just be careful with “My dudes” and “Bitches” because those, while often used in a way meant to be gender neutral, aren’t considered to be. I’d be extremely uncomfortable being referred to in a group by “bitches” because of the female-coding of the term.
I would most definitely take a job at Jurassic Park, IF I got to make recommendations that would be actually listened to and wouldn’t be fired for swearing. The job of a veterinarian should not be to do what you are told by your employer, it should be to solve problems and advocate for the welfare of the animals in your care.
The Tyranosaus get’s enrichment, the sauropods get enrichment, the stegosaurs get enrichment, everybody gets enrichment.
We are not feeding Jurassic carnivores meat from mammals which they are likely ill-suited to digest and metabolize. We know aquarium fish, which are not adapted to eating mammals, develop cardiac and fat distribution problems if their protein is supplemented with beef so let’s aim for a slightly more ‘natural’ diet of bird and reptile proteins (crocodile, anyone?)
Like, seriously, let’s not train a prehistoric reptile, brought back to the modern world with no parents to teach it about food, to see mammals as a source of food. It shouldn’t have any innate instincts to do so, so lets leave well enough alone.
In fact, let’s not give them live prey at all. I think not training the dinosaurs to hunt is probably a good idea.
Lets get somebody who knows what they’re doing to design enclosures so we can see the animals, and give them enough space to not go stir crazy.
While we’re at it, the enclosures for larger animals can have more safety features – bolt holes for humans that the biggest critters can’t fit through, honestly we even have these in livestock handling facilities, it’s not that hard!
We are not going to introduce DNA from modern species which are potentially parthenogenic
So, so much quarantine.
Some modern reptiles would need to be kept in order to seed the local environment with suitable microflora and microfauna for the dinosaurs to pick up. You might have cloned a dinosaur, but I’d bet dollars for donuts you didn’t clone it’s intestinal flora!
Quarantine again. Nothing is getting off the island, and ideally nothing from visitors is contacting anything in the exhibit.
Ian Malcom has to walk around being opinionated about everything, and suitably paranoid.
The roof of every building gets an evacuation point for a helicopter.
The stegosaurs get extra treats.
(Image reads: #there would be fewer catastrophes #and boring movies #but I’m here for this)
Oh no no, we could have the best movie ever.
We just need a really good, enthusiastic, Steve Irwin type character who just thinks these dinosaurs are wonderful, let him do whatever he wants, and make Ian Malcom follow him around.
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