No, that’s not rogue taxidermy–that’s an actual stillborn two-headed fawn! It’s the only one known to be carried to full term; the rest were miscarried early. More details here.
They find a book written in Latin… one guy doesn’t take Latin and doesn’t want to mess up the pronunciation. The girl is studying Mandarin. Another guy recommends sticking it into Google Translate but that’s likely to land them with gibberish. They leave it alone.
The car won’t start. They call an Uber.
The vampire captures the girl and insists that she wears the gown to dinner. The gown is actually hella cute. Only problem is it’s not in her size. Oh, it only comes in 2’s and 4’s? Sorry, vamp, you want me in that dress you contact the goddamn company and tell them to get their shit together.
“How did you possibly know that? It saved our lives!” “I’ve got two degrees and I spend way too much time on Wikipedia.”
They encounter a spirit that gains power the more people believe in it. One girl makes a vine and uploads with, “fakest ghost ever!!! Right??” Twenty minutes later the spirit is destroyed.
The circus is in town tonight. Except she’s lived her whole life here and the circus has never come before… it’s also in a pretty sketchy part of town, not somewhere you’d want to walk alone at night. She goes to a movie instead.
“You’d need an ARMY to fight this evil!” “Okay. I’ve got 20,000 followers, lets see how many can make it.”
The Evil Whispery Voice of Doom tells the jock that it’s going to kill his pretty blonde girlfriend. The jock gets offended because, excuse me, Cindy and I are just friends. However, Marty over there is my boyfriend and I’m not saying you should kill him, just stop making assumptions yeah?
“This spirit tried to convince me it was Jerry when it texted but its texting style is COMPLETELY DIFFERENT so yeah that didn’t work.”
We could have easily gotten lost and ended up at some creepy cabin in the woods, but luckily we all had functioning GPSs. Beach party, we’ve arrived!
“We have to find a way to destroy it! We—what are you doing?” “Looking up ‘exorcising demons’ on Google. Oh look, first hit.”
The child she bares will be the devil’s spawn. Good thing she doesn’t want kids. Or if she changes her mind she can always adopt.
“How can we possibly outwit this serial killer…” “… There’s gotta be an app for that. Lemme look.”
Only the virgin will survive… Turns out they’re all virgins. One is asexual. One wants to wait until marriage. Two just haven’t found the right person yet. One is meh about sex. So we all survive, yeah?
The girl does not fall. She was on varsity track.
“Quick! We need someplace to hide the artifact. And then decoys to confuse the beast! What have we got?” “… I’ve got a hundred plastic bags stuffed into another plastic bag.” “PERFECT.”
i would pay to read a book of a collection of modern horror stories
They’re trapped in a haunted cabin one of them inherited from a Weird UncleTM. Mysterious figures, things going flying, screams and drumbeats and chanting, blood pouring down the walls, the whole bit. They pull out the Ouija Board.
“BRO, WHAT IS YOUR DEAL?”
S…A…C…R…E…D…L…A…N…D
“Oh.”
“Oh geez. Oh no. This is Native American land. Oh goodness I am SO sorry.”
“Um so, like I inherited this property and a couple acres, can I like…donate it?”
W…H…A…T
“Yeah man like, what tribe are you? I don’t want to live here, this cabin is grody and Uncle Tim was a fuckin’ weirdo. It’s your guys’ land, just like, what tribe?”
C..H…U…M…A…S…H
“Cool. Uh, I guess we’ll…call them…in the morning?”
T…H…A…N…K…Y…O…U GOODBYE
“Oh. Well fuck, like, that was easy.”
I was all set to dislike this when I saw the title, thinking it was gonna be another bashing of my generation post… then boom! Talk about saving the day!
please don’t, theres nothing sadder than a child refusing to have desert because of their weight
FUCKING. PREACH.
i cannot tell you how much this affects a child’s self esteem!! you may see it as a small joke or suggestion, but after years of being called a heffer and/or hearing “well maybe a little walking would help you out” i can personally confirm that those “jokes” are never funny and lead to frighteningly low self esteem and self hatred. please be mindful of your words and how they will be perceived!! especially with children (and teens)(and anyone with a pulse honestly)!!
In addition: Don’t tell a child who’s at a perfectly normal and healthy weight how “skinny” and pretty they are! Stop projecting your own body weight insecurities onto your children! You’re an adult! Comparing a childs body to yours ain’t working anyway so stop that shit or your child will end up always wanting to maintain that “skinny look” when they’re older and they will start to starve themselves in order to be as skinny as they used to be!!
hot take: brace roots, where they occur, are one of the most terrifying plant organs. they just look too much like little squiggly arms seeking strength in the ground….like i think they’re weird and lovely but also im terrified
this species is called the ‘walking palm’
*shudders*
I’d never seen brace roots in person until I grew corn this year. It was a nightmarish heart attack to behold!
tbh i didn’t know about them either until I worked my first manual labor cornfield job and started looking down and noticing that my feet were mere INCHES from the alien arms slowly extending into the surrounding soil day after day and I was like ‘hey what the fuck’ and asked one of the breeders.
it’s one of those things about maize that you don’t notice until you really experience it up close. it’s an incredibly alien plant.
Walking palms move! They put down new roots on one side of the plant, and the old roots on the other side gradually die off. We can tell when their seeds arrived to Hawaii by measuring how far the plants are from the coastline. The first seeds grew plants and those plants moved inland a bit, then dropped seeds, and those seeds grew plants that moved further inward, and so on.
They can ‘walk’ out of garden beds, too. I’ve seen where they’ve done that, some roots planted inside the bed, new roots going into the ground outside the bed. They move to get to new, fertile soil or better light when they’re in less than optimal conditions. Ones that are in perfect conditions don’t move at all.
“A clever plan..because if Harry here and his friend Ron hadn’t discovered this book, why–Ginny Weasley might have taken all the blame. No one would ever have been able to prove she hadn’t acted of her own free will…and imagine…what might have happened then…The Weasleys are one of our most prominent pure-blood families. Imagine the effect on Arthur Weasley and his Muggle Protection Act, if his own daughter was discovered attacking and killing Muggle-borns…”
It brings me SO MUCH joy that the plot of Chamber of Secrets basically happens because Lucius is terrified out of his mind of Arthur and Molly Weasley and their SEVeN kids who were all raised to hold the line in case anyone tried to start a genocidal regime again. They are so powerful and so dangerous to any attempted rise to power from the Death Eaters, and Lucius feels the need to try and marginalize and demonize them in order to decrease the threat they pose.
And boy was he right to be concerned, they are…unstoppable. Each and every one of them. You thought it was impressive that it took five Death Eaters to kill their uncles? Try having a couple Weasleys illegally on the airwaves, one destroying Voldemort’s Horcruxes, one protesting at Hogwarts, one running loose in the government, one housing escaped prisoners, and one getting foreign support!! More children than they can afford? Try more children than you can effectively stop!!
And then when they ALL show up to fight in the Battle of Hogwarts? What a trip for Lucius Malfoy! Hey bigots! Would you like to pick an opponent based on which Quidditch position they excel at, or do you wanna roll the dice and go with one of the brothers who got 12 OWLs? Those are your only two options because Weasleys are EVERYWHERE and the weak link is NO ONE. The fear that must have been in his heart when one or two of them was around every corner of the school taking down his DE pals…is so amazing to think about. Glorious. Iconic. Every Weasley has red hair, freckles, and a drive to destroy the concept of blood purity at all cost!!
The Weasleys are not always nice or right, but they are GOOD and they believe in standing up for what is good, and when evil is around they SHOW UP to fight it. No questions asked. And evil is so scared of them, so worried about what they can do, that it resorts to desperately weaponizing a little girl to try and stop them.
THIS IS AMAZING!!!! GO, WEASLEYS!!!
And when people think that George and Fred are unable to work without each other? No, its just double the power. They were seven when they attempted a successful Unbreakable Vow. They were only halfway through their schooling when they started inventing and producing magical products, starting their own shop in the school bathrooms. They left behind a swamp in Hogwarts. They had respect from Peeves. Silent casting? Both could do it. They made joke products defensive and so usefulthe Ministry bought from them.
Its not that they don’t work well as individuals, because they were both powerful in their own ways. It was that they worked so well with each other and the rest of their family, that we can’t imagine them without the other.
Look at their school days. Who would you pick?
The one that played both Chaser and Seeker? The one who played Keeper? The Beaters? The Seeker and the Quidditch Captain? The two Head Boys?
The Weasleys were amazing.
You want to fight the girl who was possessed by Voldemort at 11 and survived? The one who openly defied the Death Eaters inside Hogwarts?
The one who sacrificed himself, not knowing the consequences, for a boy he barely knew for a year? The one who never stopped trying to find his friends, even when he was nearly captured?
The one who threw snowballs at Voldemort? The one who operated an illegal radio show?
The one who you could count on to keep a smile on his face even after having his ear blasted off? The one who said that Ministry casted shield charms weren’t good enough?
The one who got top grades in his 12 OWLS and didn’t hold that over his siblings heads? The one who worked hard for his dream and yet gave it up when it turned against his family?
The one who could have had a professional Quidditch position but gave it up to work with dragons? The one who got them foreign support?
The one who was mauled by a werewolf and survived? The one who worked with goblins and breaks curses as a job?
The one who killed Bellatrix with silent casting? The one who would kill for her family?
The one who found loopholes around the law just to continue his hobby? The one who confronted the Ministry about it’s Muggle born laws?
The other day at the mall i saw a 15 year old sitting in a Claire’s piercing booth and it took every fiber in my being to not just grab her and take her to the actual, clean and sanitary and not guaranteed to fuck up your ears tattoo shop literally next door. Like I was frantic. Snakes manifested in my house
Piercing guns almost ALWAYS cause infections
They hurt more because they jam dull jewelry into your ear
Needles from a professional are designed to allow for minimum damage thus less pain.
The people working there literally have no idea what the fuck they’re doing and just guess it with a 1 hour training video vs a professional who trained under a mentor for at least a year and has a passion in the craft
They use bad metal for healings (copper, silver, etc) that can irritate ears. Surgical grade steel should be the only thing in your healing piercings
They put them on way to tight, causing swelling issues. Swelling is normal and piercings should be large enough to allow for that
They give you shit aftercare advice and cleaner (literally just buy saline solution at Spencer’s or hot topic for 8 dollars at the most and don’t touch them at all)
If done on cartilage it can LITERALLY SHATTER YOUR EARS
Please if any young girls in your family want their ears pierced take them to actual professional and don’t trust piercing guns. If a professional says your kid is too young (I.e a fucking baby) then trust their professional judgement. It costs more but you are getting essentially a art piece from a highly trained professional who knows what they’re doing vs a part time min wage employee who had 1 hour training on how to pierce ears.
I literally wrote an entire essay in college why piercing guns should be banned with pictures and my professor told me she was so interested in my topic and had no idea and even googled the topic herself out of curiosity and was horrified on the amount of damage they case
I am a licensed piercing professional and this is all sound and accurate advice. Get your piercings done by a licensed professional at a reputable shop. Not at the mall kiosk that uses piercing guns. Not by your friend who ordered a kit off of Amazon.
Association of Professional Piercers Aftercare Guide:
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