Author: annoyedfish

glumshoe:

waxbug:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

glumshoe:

relentless android is sent back in time to stop a man’s conception by offering his mom contraception at a crucial moment

“Upon review, it became apparent that a violent approach was ineffective. The T-101 Terminator model was conspicuous, expensive, and easy to hate. It just wasn’t getting the job done. That’s why we are pleased to announce the release of our newest model – officially known as the C0K-1000 Discourager, he is affectionately called Cock Block. He is programmed with a database of millions of gross facts about sex, pregnancy, and child-rearing. A compartment in his chest is capable of storing a 365 day supply of condoms and contraceptive pills as well as an exhaustive list of sexual positions and practices that cannot result in pregnancy. He is adept at cooking spicy, garlic-heavy meals and has thousands of unpleasant smalltalk subroutines that will surely kill the mood and ruin any date. As an emergency resort, he also comes with a built-in speaker in his chest from which he can play voicemails from your parents or blast loud music from a playlist that includes obnoxious cartoon theme songs, Weird Al, DEVO, and the Shrek soundtrack. He can also synthesize foul-smelling compounds to discourage human arousal. He’s unstoppable.”

“Um. Sarah… do you know this guy?”
“Ignore it and don’t acknowledge him. So… tell me about yourself, handsome.”
“He’s peeking over the back of your booth bench mouthing ‘dump her’ at me. It’s kind of hard to ignore. Is he your ex or something?”
“Oh, god, no. He’s a robot sent from the future to keep me from getting laid. And he’s doing a damn fine job of it, too, the bastard. Last week he scaled the building and kept tapping on my 14th storey hotel room window pointing at a sign that said ‘postpartum bleeding’. God, I fucking hate technology.”
“Yeah…. sorry, I’m not sure I can do this. Good luck with your robot problem.”

Ok this is excellent but now I also want the opposite. A robot made to be as sexy as possible so as to divert any shenanigans from baby making humans to his infertile form. But, like, he is just uncanny valley terrible at it. Robot made by other robots and all that, he is a hot mess of pickup lines and social ineptitude wrapped up in a sleek looking body

Yes, very good. But then introduce a third android – a reprogrammed version of the original model, created to thwart the efforts of the other two. He is designated The Wingman. 

#SARAH. THAT MAN OVER THERE LOOKS FERTILE. YOU SHOULD GO TALK TO HIM. I WILL NOW BEGIN PLAYING ATMOSPHERIC SMOOTH JAZZ.#they’re all incredibly buff too but have zero combat ability

mamoru:

twitchytyrant:

mamoru:

mamoru:

mamoru:

hey what the fuck is this new monstrosity of an error message?????

conditions under which i encountered this message: i answered an ask on mobile, then reblogged it on mobile and added two images (from my phone gallery) to the body of the reblog. went back on desktop because i wanted to add it to my #pop tag, which is where popular posts go. link to post (screwed up on my desktop theme sorry)

UPDATE: I CAN NO LONGER EDIT EVEN TEXT POSTS THAT WERE MADE FROM THE APP WHILE ON DESKTOP??

A REGULAR TEXT POST IS NOW NOT ABLE TO BE EDITED ON DESKTOP IF YOU MAKE IT ON MOBILE? LINK TO THE TEXT POST THAT IS APPARENTLY TOO ADVANCED FOR TUMBLR’S DESKTOP CLIENT TO EDIT

ALSO AFTER RECEIVING THIS ERROR IT WOULD NOT LET ME SCROLL AWAY FROM THE POST UNTIL I REFRESHED

IS ANYONE ELSE EXPERIENCING THIS??? WHAT THE HECK

tested it and got the same problem. this is bullshit, how the hell does this even become an issue

alright so PSA apparently now if you make a post on the tumblr app you can only edit it from the tumblr app.

basically, stop using the tumblr app if you ever want to edit your posts, ever! do you like to edit things? update them? want to correct facts you posted at a later time? want to correct a typo without deleting the post? does typing on a tiny screen hurt, so you would rather edit on desktop later? add tags? delete tags? all of these and more are now not possible on desktop if you make the initial post on the tumblr app for who knows why.

this extremely sucks as someone who is not always able to sit in front of a computer for health reasons, as most of my posts are initially made on mobile and then edited later on desktop. cool thanks! great

iopele:

notwhelmedyet:

Look at their faces. No, not minimus, he’s too busy having a mustache to have a mouth. Look at Drift and Ratchet’s goofy faces

can I just be over here believing Ratchet’s smug cuz he just slapped Drift’s aft and Drift’s smug for the same reason? is that cool with everyone?

cool-critters:

Purple-ring topsnail (Calliostoma annulatum)

The purple-ring topsnail is a medium-sized sea snail with gills and an operculum.This is a sublittoral marine gastropod mollusk in the family Calliostomatidae. This snail lives off of the Pacific coast of North America.his species is fairly omnivorous, feeding seasonally on kelp, sessile fauna like bryozoans, and detritus.

photo credits:

Peter Liu Photography, Ed Bierman

erydumaenhir:

mossofthewoodsjewelry:

It’s so funny to see bumblebee behavior, how they basically have to learn what is and is not a flower through example.

For months the bumblebees were totally ignoring my garden, despite an ample supply of delicious Catnip, Lavender, and other assorted goods. Then, I put in the Russian Sage, a tall stalk of ample amounts of purple flowers, that can be seen in my garden from the hillside, and suddenly, a few tentatively showed up to that, then they realized the Hyssop next to it also had nectar, then the Lavender, which they had so quickly snubbed before, then the Borage flowers quickly became their favorite, which last year saw no bee activity at all, etc.

I guess what I’m saying is, if you’re trying to attract bees, consider putting in the botanical equivalent of a runway flag for your garden and see what happens.

I have never in my life even thought to think about how bees figure out flowers have nectar because I always just kinda thought that the explanation I was given (UV TRIPPY FLOWERS RUNWAYS TO THE NECTAR WOOOO, except not that excited and with more thought) satisfied me. I didn’t think about them not recognizing other weird thing shapes as foodsources. I’ve never stopped to think about what a non-native flower would look to native pollinators that it didn’t co-evolve with.

… fuck.