Latest bab (medic)

Forceps (they/them pronouns for now, may change) is a lanky, somewhat sharp-edged medic, on the smaller side. Think TFP Arcee. Minimal plating, but what is there is smooth and slightly rounded. Their alt mode is one of those robot surgery arms, which can clamp to the edge of a berth or table to work. They usually only use their alt if they need to stay still for a long period of time, or if they need perfect stability. 

Their joints are a bit odd from about midsection up. 

First, their midsection is a joint, a very large one. It’s hidden by soft material to protect it from grit, so people don’t tend to see it until they pull their trick. Their entire midsection is a rotation/swivel joint, the bend joint in their alt mode, so they can spin their whole upper body around 180 degrees to stare at someone behind them. People tend to stop doing shenanigans if the local medic does that. Their wrist, elbow, and shoulder joints are also fairly unconventional, more complex than usual, to let them keep their servos perfectly still while they work no matter what the rest of them is doing. 

They don’t have winglets, they have saws. Circular saws on the ends of rods, perfectly functional. Laser-edged saws, so they’re relatively blunt when not in use, safe to handle. Make their saw-winglets functional as expressiveness, and an excellent defense against being grabbed at. They also have a multitude of delicate instruments in their servos and a very powerful cutting laser that can be used for mid-range weaponry in one forearm. 

They don’t talk most of the time. Medical situations, medical work, trading information with other medics, or just talking about something medical, sure. Otherwise, they don’t. It’s a mix of selective mutism, not having much to say, and deciding that it’s easier to just make people think they never talk outside the medbay. About all you’ll get out of them, aside from servo gestures, is the occasional swear word. They also don’t make any noise during interface. If you want them to start making noises, in any context, asking them about something medical may or may not work. Their processor currently doesn’t register that speaking is an option in social situations, but reminding it that speaking is a thing will occasionally do the trick. Unlikely, though.

Basically, they aren’t going to speak aside from, maybe, swearing at something, unless you’re talking something medical. Sign language is an option but they aren’t chatty.

Don’t poke them or they’ll get pissed.

Don’t grab their winglets without permission.

Don’t get them drunk to see if they start talking more. Someone did that once- they stacked everything they could get their servos on for awhile in between chattering about random things, then realized they’d been deliberately gotten drunk without meaning to, got (understandably) pissed, and messed with seemingly random parts from subspace for awhile. Then those random parts turned into a working mini crossbow and they started firing mini darts at the culprit.

Forceps was a Decepticon medic. Over the course of the war, they’ve had plenty of patients who were one variety or another of “here’s a prisoner, keep them alive so we can interrogate them”. They also “accidentally” lost some patients when they deemed it better than repairing the patient in that situation. Struggling with morals as a member of a faction rebelling against a dystopia and all. 

They’re currently hanging around Scalpel. They agree with her morals and she got them out of a very bad situation. They don’t trust Patches, though, he’s too damn nice. Nobody is that sweet. It’s gotta be an act or a thin veil over an impending psychotic break. 

They don’t really know how to flirt, so they’re extremely straightforward when they want a charge release. Mostly it’s just “approach likely target, grasp servo, lead target to berth, proceed” with some inviting/sexy body language and, occasionally, lewd gestures to get the point across.

They also don’t know what flirting looks like from other people. The best thing to do is approach them in a friendly manner, get gently into their personal space bubble, and see what their frame does. If they keep projecting “yes this is fine”, gently grasp the bases of their saw-winglets, pull them slightly closer, and kiss them. Smooching is confusing for Forceps, but this is very obviously meant to be sexy, so it works to get their attention. Congratulations, you’ve been interesting, they’re probably interested in return. 

Just be aware that, although flexible, their hips are not as weirdly swivel-y as the rest of their joints. They will not find it sexy if you dislocate their hip. Please do not.

calories in a cat

Mention to family that cat attempted to eat thyroid meds this morning, comment that human-sized dose of thyroid meds is probably not good for cats. Comment that human-sized dose of any meds probably not good for cats.

Brother puts forth the idea of food. 

Wonder if a cat even contains 2000 calories. 

Google many things including weight of chicken. Deduce that cat probably contains roughly as much food as large meat-breed chicken if not counting bones and organs. Deduce that small local cat therefore probably contains 1400 calories or so. 

Brother notes that “how many calories are in a cat” and variations thereof only brings up search results for how many calories a cat should eat.

Point out that people who are eating cats are probably not in a mood to count calories. Also note that cats are not frequently eaten, likely due to the difficulty of catching and/or farming them. Proceed to defend this notion to snickering family, mostly pointing out that cats fight and are difficult to confine and handle. 

Mom is writing a Facebook post about this whole conversation. 

If you ever get a rag stuck in a vacuum cleaner hose, this is how you get it out. Small treble hook (lure optional) on the end of a stick. Tried this at first with a single hook, didn’t work. Push the hook against the rag, kinda wiggle and twist it around, then gently pull. Voila. Kind of a satisfying little thing, too. Couple of minutes of experimentation, then the satisfaction of feeling the rag snag. 10/10 would assist person with vacuum cleaner clog again.

glumshoe:

I just caught a particularly annoying and elusive housefly by shining a bright flashlight at it and using the light to mask my movement. I was able to reach out and pluck it off my wall with no trouble. This action made me feel as though I were a fighter pilot, a spider, and a police interrogator simultaneously.

That’s really clever. 

You ever catch a housefly out of midair? I’ve managed it twice and it’s awesome. 

French doors. They slid open and he crawled through. A robot door!

agatharights:

bettsplendens:

agatharights:

The best kind of bee to find stuck inside your house. No need to scoop him up in a cup and put him outside.

You’d need a really big cup and a forklift. He’s polite enough to leave on his own. Just don’t kick him out in the rain! Give he smooches instead. 

Give that good boy some nectar

Now I’m just imagining Bumblebee like “hi I got into your house but now I’m not sure how to get out without breaking something, can I stay in here until there stops being ELECTRICITY IN THE SKY”