Author: annoyedfish

bogleech:

bogleech:

There’s almost nothing about her on google but in this book of Inuit mythology we just read about
the spirit Erdlaversissoq, who will kill you if you laugh at her.

And that’s a challenge because she has a humongous giant ass and dances around singing “great is my ass, great is my ass,” stopping to bend over and lick her own buttcrack between verses.

Her butt also has “a family of sea scorpions dangling from it” (I have no idea what they’re translating as “sea scorpion” unless they mean the venomous fish) and also there’s a nose in the middle of her forehead

Another story from the same book (”A Kayak Full of Ghosts”) has a woman who only ever meets shitty worthless men until one day a disembodied skull rolls into her house, and magically turns into a sexy man just long enough for them to “couple wildly.”

He turns back into the skull and then brings her exactly the food she was craving.

…And that’s it, that’s the entire story. She marries the skull, which turns into a sexy dude and feeds her whenever she wants, happily ever after.

lesbianshepard:

lesbianshepard:

do you ever see paleolithic art and go “oh fuck that’s good” like they hadn’t developed agriculture or the wheel but god damn could they paint horses real good

look at this pretty accurate horse art. this is from chauvet cave and is between 

31,000 to 28,000 years old.

We actually know a lot about paleolithic-period animals specifically because of this art! It includes all these details like fur and sometimes patterns, things that aren’t around to look at now.

crazy-pages:

hornygold:

spoiledchestnut:

Alien: You shouldn’t eat that.

Human: What?

Alien: That thing. Don’t you know it’s extremely acidic? Enough to cause eventual deterioration of your flesh?

Human: ….it’s a fucking pineapple.

Alien: But that thing contains bromelain, it’ll destroy your body’s proteins!

Human: Not if I digest the bromelain first.

Alien: Humans are insane!

“Not if I digest it first” is an official human motto, in close competition with “not if I pet it first”.

War, now, is ignorant men in power hurtling words they do not understand at enemies too violent to respond calmly, 

is a million angry voices protected by anonymity and screaming at someone for being born the way they are.

Famine, now, is superfood imported from starving countries, 

is a seventh yacht bought to sit in harbor while employees struggle to stay in the cheapest housing and factory workers die. 

Pestilence, now, is ignoring science while your children spread disease everywhere they touch, 

is once-mighty rivers choked with garbage and unimaginable filth poured there through drainage pipes. 

Death, now, is walls between refugees and safety, 

is “my button works!” is “no collusion!”

is “she asked for it!”

is “but autism!” is “but they’re poison!” is “they’re unnatural!” 

is “get back to work!” is “they don’t deserve it!” is “it’s cheaper!” 

is “murderers!” is “they’re all criminals!” is “deport them!” 

The horsemen grow a million-fold and we all rise against them, and find that under hoods and masks are faces much like ours. 

The horsemen, now, bring legions.