copperbadge:

thebibliosphere:

dranikitten:

cannibalcoalition:

fattyatomicmutant:

cannibalcoalition:

sans–seraph:

cannibalcoalition:

traegorn:

cannibalcoalition:

“Oh I love roses! I try growing them myself, but they never get very far.”

“Would you like to know the secret to healthy rose bushes,” I asked, knowing that she would not like the answer. 

“Do tell!”

Grin. “Blood.”

The customer paused, waiting for me to say that I was kidding. But I wasn’t so it never came. She became nervous. 

And before I could explain that blood meal is a common soil fixer and fertilizer, she put her hands up, spun around and said-

“Bye.”

You want to know the secrets to a beautiful garden? You better be prepared for some weird shit. 

Well someone felt like being the ominous witch in the small, mysterious shop today.

.

…also, tomatoes like blood too.

My interest in plants extends beyond ‘oh look a pretty flower’ and straight into ‘plants are fucking metal.’ 

Evidently, you’re supposed to plant garlic in the same places as your roses because the garlic will repel a rose-specific aphid.

So what I’m saying is that between the romantic symbolism of the rose, the bloodmeal in the soil, and the fresh garlic all over the place-

You could really set yourself up for an encounter with some VERY pissed vampires. 

Roses really love banana skins, too. Just… stick one in there before you plant a rose bush or spronkle around one that’s already in  the ground. They’ll adore you. 

Mmm… blood banana. 

I made tiny ass Home Depot Petunias blossom like magic that they’re nearly overtaking the trellises.

How did I accomplish this?

Once a week I bury a small amount of leftover meat in the soil.

My morning glories loved the crap out of the charred chicken bones I gave them. They’re already an enthusiastic plant, but the blooms I had this year were extraordinary. 

@thebibliosphere Well, if you ever get your allergies under some semblance of more control and want to get on Demon Rose’s good side, I guess

They also like fish too.

IMPORTANT PRO TIP: SOME OF THIS IS FOR OUTDOOR GARDENING ONLY. 

Do not sprinkle banana peel on your windowsill garden, you will have fruit flies and A Smell. Definitely do not bury small chunks of raw meat just under the soil of your windowsill garden, you will have Much Worse Flies and A Very Smell. 

Blood meal is probably okay, vampires can’t get in unless you invite them, but I would be careful about garlic since it is a pretty stinky plant even before you cook with it.