gallusrostromegalus:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

thebibliosphere:

Siri, how do you start your own bank?

Oh good, there’s a wikihow

Step One: Determine a need: Why are you opening a bank?

Vampire porn. Next question.

Step Two: Appoint A Board of Directors.

Thirteen sounds like a great number for this venture. Do we know thirteen people who know anything about running a bank?

Would you believe there is actually less steps to this than their acne skin care tips.

Step Three: Make sure you have the starting capital.

*typing slowly, one key at a time*

That’s either a lot of entrepreneurs or a lot of tax fraud evasionists.

Step Four: Create a business summary plan.

We already covered this, vampire porn. Move on.

Step Five: Hire a legal time.

Okay, how many of you are lawyers? Show of hands.

Step six: Establish a risk management infrastructure.

Listen, if I listened to everyone who told me something was a bad idea, I’d never get anywhere. Lets go, come on, lets get moving.

You know? I’d invest in a vampire-and-other-niche-erotica-based bank.  The demand for that is NEVER going away and I’m good with loaning out money so more of it’s made.

This bank needs to be named something suitably Ominous and/or Suggestive.

It says “12 to 20 million dollars”, so does that mean that you only need, like, $13? Easy.