my friend left her window open in her bedroom and came back to find this
look at his self-satisfied little face, the cheeky shit
motherfucking australia
if there was a post to describe australia, this is it
wait.
you mean to tell me this isn’t even a pet bird?
that in australia, you have wild birds that just fly from house to house with the express purpose of fucking shit up?
fucking HELL australia, what is wrong with you?
wake up australia
That’s what birds do
They fly around and fuck shit up
Do you have some kind of mysterious nice birds in your weird foreign country
Do birds in America and England fly into your house and make the bed and tidy up the living room a little bit
It’s cold here, so they just bounce off the windows and lie there and twitch spasmodically while you look for the shovel.
Basically hurling themselves at windows is the worst thing birds do
yeah man a kookaburra literally flew into a classroom at my high school and just sat his smug ass down on top of the desk for a good 20 minutes
why has nobody mentioned the fact that in australia there are 3-4 months a year where everybody just accepts that they’re going to get attacked by magpies. It is literally called “swooping season” and these birds will fly down to peck your fucking face, and people get their eyes ripped out and shit, it’s fucking brutal.
My teacher had to go to hospital and have surgery because of swooping season. It was in the parking lot of school and all the kids would do a mad dash towards the car as the magpies tried to kill us.
no but when you’re 12 years old and riding your bike like mad on the way home from school with an icecream bucket on your head with like branches and shit sticking out if it to scare them off and none of this is considered strange
what the actual fuck australia
I am pretty sure all of these Australia stories are a massive, globally-spanning trolling effort, and only the people who have visited the country are allowed to be in on the joke.
Nope.
Went there.
Parrots tried to take our car.
Came home IN A FUCKING HURRY.
Interesting thing about magpies – they’re not great at identifying individual humans visually, but if you make yourself identifiable in some way they’re usually open to reason. We used to have some very aggressive swoopers in our back yard – as soon as they realised that the humans *inside* the fence never bothered them and were the source of the delicious compost heap, they turned into flying black and white guard dogs who would viciously assault any passing stranger but never bothered anyone inside the yard. Several times they swooped at us when we approached from outside, then when we walked into the yard they would pull up and act incredibly apologetic like sorry ma’am I had no idea it was you I would never please don’t stop stocking the food pile.
There was another little group of magpies in the park who would attack any solo pedestrian but never bothered anyone walking a dog or pushing a pram, because apparently those were identifiable traits indicating a non-threatening human. In the spirit of inquiry, I started going out of my way to be polite to the magpies – carefully walking a wide arc around them when they were on the ground, etc – and emitting an identifiable call of ‘hello birdie’ before swooping season started.
I spent the next ten years crossing that park at least once a day and as long as I turned at the first flutter of wings and said ‘hello birdie’ to the magpie waiting to attack as soon as my back was turned, I was fine. Every time, the magpie would stare at me for a minute and then fly off to harass some other pedestrian because apparently the magpies and I, we were cool.
Parrots are a lot less open to negotiation, and the little bastards travel in flocks. Beware the parrots.
What the fuck
@commanderholly holy shit has Ross ever told you this stuff?
This post gets more hilarious every time it comes up on my radar. There’s a whole paragraph on the Australian Magpie wiki page about swooping, and what does (and does not) work, along with a picture of a person wearing an anti-magpie modified bike helmet. And of course, Youtube Videos
Like, whooshing air sharply out of their vents in order to clear irritants- basically the same idea as anything else sneezing, but with their entire body as opposed to just their nasal area.
Big bots sneezing and sending data-pads flying.
Little bots having sneezing fits and falling out of their chairs.
Bots trying to hold in big sneezes by clamping down their plating- and then said plating just goes flying off.
Seekers flying through something irritating during a flight, sneezing right in the middle of a big complicated routine, and just kind of completely losing all the dramatic effect.
I hope the original submitter doesn’t mind me adding a few ideas to this.
Bots sneezing in a cold environment and having a cloud of white billowing around them.
Sparklings sneezing and scaring the scrap out of themselves. Their creators have to comfort them.
A bot feeling a sneeze coming on and ruffling their plating to prepare for the inevitable but the urge fades. Other bots looking at them weird. They reset their plating and then sneeze at an unexpected moment.
Bots sneezing mid interface and one or the other climaxing because of it.
Bots transforming or their horns/lights n sirens/whatever else going off when they sneeze. A bot with a train alt mode would be the worst.
Other bots transforming or their own horns/lights n sirens/whatever else going off because ‘WTF was that?!’
OH MY GOD YES YOU AND @bett-splendens ARE GLORIOUS TAG-TEAM CHAMPIONS OF FUNNY AND ADORABLE HEADCANONS XD
Omg imagine TFA Ratchet’s sirens going off with a ‘woop’ every time he sneezes. Raf, Jack and Miko aren’t used to it so they have to introduce a ‘Docbot penalty’ to their video games.
Or with the Lambo twins when one of them sneezes the other one’s plating ruffles up, no matter how far apart they are.
Doorwings flicking up-down like a race-start flag every time Prowl or Blue or Smokescreen sneezes.
Bayverse Bumblebee’s radio randomly switching on to something random when he sneezes.
TFP Soundwave’s visor showing the bluescreen of death after a really hard sneeze.
OMG THESE HEADCANONS ARE PRECIOUS.
Adding some of my own.
Bots having a sneeze marathon; sneeze after sneeze after sneeze. Ow, the strain.
Bots with a loud sneeze. (ATCHOOOOO!) The sneeze is basically heard across a space cruiser.
Bots with a quiet sneeze. (’tcho) Everyone around them just ‘aww‘s because cute sneeze.
Bots with a goofy sneeze. (Whatever that might sounds, is up to everyone to decide.)
A cloud of smoke puffs out of his pipes whenever Optimus sneezes.
Fort Max’s treads spin when he sneezes.
Megatron has never sneezed–after all, miners have excellent tolerance for dust and gases in the atmosphere, but when he gets to Earth, suddenly there’s ALL THIS ORGANIC POLLEN EVERYWHERE and his filters never had to handle anything like this and one day he opens his mouth to order death and destruction upon the Autobots and–
“t-choo”
Megatron looks at Starscream, Starscream looks at Knockout, the Vehicons look at each other, and Soundwave very carefully looks at nothing at all because he knows damn well where that tiny adorable sneeze came from. Megatron rallies himself and draws a deep vent to issue that order and–
“t-choo t-choo t-chooooo”
there is a silence broken only by the straining of Starscream’s gears as he struggles to prevent his wings from fluttering with amusement and a crunch from Knockout stomping Breakdown’s foot to prevent the enormous mech from unleashing a fatal laugh at their leader.
Megatron sweeps a glare at all of them and snarls, “No one is to speak of this, ever!” there are immediate nods all around, and he finally gives the slagging order and then whispers to Soundwave, “destroy all footage of that, and by Unicron’s rusty spike, get a HEPA filter up in here yesterday”
YES OH MY GOSH YES
Soundwave just stoically walks back to his quarters, flops down on his berth, and proceeds to chuckle quietly into his pillow for about twenty minutes.
He’s keeping a sound byte of that somewhere in the back of his mind. There is no freakin’ way he’s going to delete all of something that hilarious.
And he’ll use it for blackmail if he really needs to.
If I remember correctly, Poland’s secret is that the jews where being blamed all over europe (as usual) as scapegoats for the black plague. Poland was the only place that accepted Jewish refugees, so pretty much all of them moved there.
Now, one of the major causes of getting the plague was poor hygiene. This proved very effective for the plague because everyone threw their poop into the streets because there were no sewers, and literally no one bathed because it was against their religion. Unless they were jewish, who actually bathed relatively often. When all the jews moved to Poland, they brought bathing with them, and so the plague had little effect there.
Milan survived by quarantining its city and burning down the house of anyone showing early symptoms, with the entire family inside it.
I reblogged this tons of times, but the Milan info is new.
Damn Italy, you scary.
Poland:“Hey, feeling a bit down? Have a quick wash! There, you see? All better”
Milan: “Aw, feeling a bit sick are we? BURN MOTHERFUCKER, BURN!!!!!”
Also, this might have something to do with it: from what I understand, O blood type is uncommonly… common in Poland. Something to do with large families in small villages and a LOT of intermarriage. The black plague was caused by a bacterium that produced, in its waste in the human body, wastes that very closely mimic the “B” marker sugars on red blood cells that keep the body from attacking its own immune system. Anyone who has a B blood type had an immune system that was naturally desensitized to the presence of the bacterium, and therefore was more prone to developing the disease. Anyone who had an O type was doubly lucky because the O blood type means the total absence of ANY markers, A or B, meaning that their bodys’ immune system would react quickly and violently against the invaders, while someone with an A may show symptoms and recover more slowly, while someone with B would have just died. Because O is a recessive blood type, it shows in higher numbers when more people who carry the recessive genes marry other people who also carry the recessive gene. Poland, which has a nearly 700 year history of being conquered by or partnering with every other nation in the surrounding area, was primarily an agricultural country, focused around smaller, farming communities where people were legally tied to, and required to work, “their” land, and so historically never “spread” their genes across a large area. The economy was, and had been, unstable for a very long period of time leading up to the plague, the government had been ineffective and had very little reach in comparison to the armies of the other countries around for a very very long time, and so its people largely remained in small communities where multiple generations of cross-familial inbreeding could have allowed for this more recessive gene to show up more frequently. Thus, there could be a higher percentage of O blood types in any region of the country, guaranteeing less spread of the illness and moving slower when it did manage to travel. Combine this with the fact that there were very few large, urban centers where the disease would thrive, and with the above facts, and you’ve got a lovely recipe for avoiding the plague.
Interestingly enough, as a result from the plague, the entirety of Europe now has a higher percentage of people with O blood type than any other region of the world.
WHY IS THIS ALL SO COOL
When Tumblr teaches you more about the plague than 12 years of school ever did.
Just to throw a nod in, as a medieval historian, this is all credible, and is the leading theory as to the plagues effectiveness at this point. So. Enjoy your new knowledge!
Drift’s neck is super sensitive, and when his partner kisses or nibbles it in the right way, he breaks out into giggles that can’t be stopped. Some partners give up and let him calm down, others just grin and encourage the tickles.
Rung’s back, where his backpack is, is super sensitive when the backpack is gone. So there he is, face down, getting proper fucked, when his partner ghosts a breath over his spinal strut, and Rung makes the most embarrassing snort-laugh. He asks his partner to ignore it, but it’s just too adorable to forget!
Rodimus gets sensitive all over when fragged, but his biolights especially are sensitive. His partner thought licking over one would be sexy. Nope. Rodimus laughs so hard his body tenses and almost forces his partner out. There’s no going back. Full out tickle wars ensue.
Minimus Ambus, of course, is ticklish all over. If you tickle him he will cite the Autobot rulebook over cruel and unusual punishments and the mood is dead.
Ratchet’s hands are sensitive, but his wrists and pedes are ticklish as fuck. He usually yells ‘QUIT IT’ if you tickle him though, in that medic way that makes you listen.
If you touch Windblade’s head kibble the right way in interfacing, she will squeal and giggle high enough to glitch audials, but she’s so darn cute it’s hard to not do again. She also kicks her feet in the air.
Starscream refuses to admit that he laughs when the base of his wings are touched, but he totally does, and it’s hilarious to watch him stifle his laughs when someone’s touching them and interfacing with him.
If you tickle Prowl, he gets up and flips the bed over. 0/10 would not reccomend.
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