Hold your breath…

yourplayersaidwhat:

I’m a first time player and the DM is a close friend determined to get me to play a game of D&D. We worked closely together on a very interesting homebrew for my first character based off of one of my drawings. A suit of animated armor that no one knows is really just an empty living construct. Keep in mind that when I take too much damage, I’m forced to fall into a kind of paralysis rest period.

My party, a dwarf rogue, a human paladin and an elf cleric and I are working to clear a bandit dungeon that keeps raiding a nearby town. I get along well with the elf and the human gets along well with the dwarf, but me and the Paladin don’t get along due to me being chaotic neutral. In this dungeon we encounter a warlock there that has been helping them for unknown reasons. Most of us are starting to get low on HP after so many fights.

DM: The wizard sees you and casts fireball…

Me: I roll to block with my shield!

DM: Okay, roll for fortitude, reflex and will

Cleric OOC: Will?

Me & DM: …

*Rolls good on fortitude and reflex but crit fails on will*

DM: You successfully block the fireball protecting your party, however, you fall to pieces, your armor empty…

Rogue OOC: Wait? He was burned to ashes protecting us?

Paladin: NOOOOOOO!

*Party proceeds to kick ass to avenge me and while this is going on and I excuse myself to make everyone some food lying about rolling for a new character after I get back*

*Several turns pass as I come back with hot dogs, chips and drinks. The party has left the dungeon to recover, DM texts me that the Paladin shed his armor to don me in respect and memory of my friendship and sacrifice, then then made camp near a lake*

*As everyone sleeps while the Paladin keeps watch the DM turns to me*

DM: You wake up staring at a lake and realize that someone is inside you

ME: I freak out and decide to jump into the lake

*Everyone else at the table looking severely confused as the DM turns to the paladin*

DM: Roll for breath…

And that’s how I nearly drowned our Paladin and forced him to walk around naked until we could replace his armor.