Context: Same game I’m playing as Animated Armor. It’s been a little while, since the lake incident and we’re just getting started with the next session. Our healer, the elf whom I get along well with in our party is now determined to find something to help me speak. (I can’t due to not having vocal cords) The Paladin hates me more than ever for having almost drowned him and forced him to walk around naked for a while.
*While in a tavern, the rouge is off trying to gather information for employment and the other two eat while I just stand around not really being of any use because there is nothing useful I can do at the moment when the elf turns to me*
Cleric: So…has anyone anyone worn you besides our dear [Human Paladin]?
Me: *shakes head*
Cleric: Oh so the Paladin was the first man ever inside you?
*Ooc the elf’s player is giggling her butt off at this point, and I nod to answer*
Paladin: What’s your point elf?
*She turned her head to the Paladin with the most wicked smile I’d ever seen on her*
Cleric: Why don’t you see? You’ve taken our poor fighter’s virginity!
Paladin: He’s a walking suit of armor! There’s nothing to take!
Cleric: How else is he suppose to be intimate?
Me ooc: I roll for embarrassment
DM: What?
Me ooc: I roll to see how embarrassed I am
DM: okay…uh..go for it, 20 sided, higher rolls means the more embarrassed you are.
*Me, rolls a 19*
DM: Your entire helmet starts to visibly glow red, prompting concern looks from the other patrons and revealing your secret crush that’s developed upon the Paladin since the ‘incident’
Paladin ooc: You serious?
Me: I run out the tavern covering my face from the embarrassment.
DM: Uh…run a perception check?
*Fails and proceeds to trip over a stool, my burning helmet/head then caught a rug on fire and burned half the tavern down and injuring several people. The rest of the session after we fled the town proceeded with the elf shipping me and the Paladin hard time*
Burning Love
Published
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