I’ve read tons of posts about dress codes in US schools. Recently I even read an article about a girl who was sent home for having a top without sleeves. It’s so weird that our online magazines have started to cover it. And all of this seems like a dystopia to me.
Here’s a thing: Finnish schools do NOT have any dress codes. Like, at all. Nothing. As long as you have all legally demanded parts covered. Also, teachers might sent home a note if they notice a young child not wearing a hat or a jacket in winter (it’s FREEZING but hats are not cool yo).
I attended this elite high school (no, not EXPENSIVE, education is free in Finland, elite as in nerds and good teachers). All kids in there had the best grades of our entire country. It’s also a very old, traditional school that has produced many artists, politicians etc. for us (Finland is a small village but compared to that, those people are great). And what did I wear to this fancy school?
Leather skirts, so short everyone saw my garters. Skin thight red tops so open that you could see the color of my bra. Fishnet stay-up socks. Leather boots with stiletto heels. And I also sat on my desk most of the time, so all boys behind me could clearly see all the glory of my high-heeled legs. I admit, I was bit of a goth kid then.
Guess what? Everyone passed the classes. I did not cause all the boys in our year to fail. Actually, they got used to it so quick nobody even noticed my clothes. And nowadays I attend a respectable office job where I dress in a modest (altough personal) way. Because in Finland we let kids be kids. I had plenty of time to learn professional dress code after I’d had my fun.
TLDR; Dress codes for kids are weird and unnecessary and not having them will not make the world burn.
Me: “Anyway here is my complicated relationship with lesbian identity and why publicly identifying as such is something I have avoided because it invites nauseating discourse from strangers about nonbinary identities and gender litmus tests, but I use it privately in real life among people I know are capable of nuance and value compassion over participating in righteous discourse. I no longer see a purpose in keeping that private.”
Tumblr: [crickets]
Me: “Here’s a lighthearted joke about being a lesbian—“
Tumblr, en masse: “You disgusting, ugly, hairy MAN, you creepy RAPIST, you are not and NEVER WILL BE a lesbian, go fuck yourself, I can’t BELIEVE you think you’re entitled to FUCK LESBIANS. You’re so predatory. Kill yourself. You referred to the Bechdel Test? Appropriative. You are too masculine to have any right to call yourself a lesbian.”
That statement was in direct response to a flood of people claiming that interacting with lesbians made me predatory and that my difficulty discerning extreme friendliness from possible flirtation was “male entitlement” and “rape culture” because no lesbian would ever find someone like me attractive. When passing as male and living stealth, being identified as “female” without coming out to them either means you aren’t passing (dangerous, dysphoria-inducing) or they have special knowledge about you. A lesbian approaching someone romantically in this context without first clarifying how they conceptualize their gender and sexuality is showing disregard for their identity and is quite possibly a TERF – you have no idea how many cis lesbians have approached me with some variation of “oh it’s so sad that you bought into those Transtrender Lies and have mutilated your Sacred Wombyn’s Body”.
This, too, was immediately on the heels of “DFAB nonbinary people are Actually Just Men who don’t want to admit to having male privilege so that they can parasitize women’s spaces”. As much as this upset me and felt wrong, any attempt to distance myself from “man-ness” would (and continuously has been) be construed as “dodging accountability” and “invading safe spaces”. I did not want to push back against being considered Basically a Man both because I would be used as proof of this belief and because I fundamentally disagree with the unspoken attitude that the only two genders are “predator” and “prey”, and that too many drops of masculinity into a solution chemically transforms it into Predator Gender.
I can’t really relate to the aspect of ‘discourse culture’ that involves getting really invested in the long-term development of strangers’ personal identities and feeling the need to challenge or police how they express them. You are free to consider me “suspicious” – it is unlikely that there will ever be a time in which you will need to trust me – but I can guarantee that disaster will not befall the Earth if you decide to mind your own business.
Like, you can walk up to any animal you want and pet it with 0 negative consequences, it comes right up to you and makes happy whatever-animal noises.
Me, I’d be tempted by any given big cat. I’d probably go with a pygmy marmoset and some grapes, though. Teeny-tiny monkey with teeny-tiny moustache and teeny-tiny hands. What’s not to love?
I’m tired of girls trying to invalidate their own feelings during times of pain, especially to their friends. Your break up meant something. That friendship you lost was a hard blow. I understand why you feel tired this semester. Sometimes this “modern woman” stereotype is patriarchy’s last attempt; patriarchy disguised as feminism. You don’t have to be “wise beyond your years”; your pain and crying does not mean you are not intelligent. If you feel your friends demand justification for your pain and ordeals, they’re not friends. You’re strong but human. Remind yourself emotional space is part of liberation.
Who took this picture!? This absolutely PERFECT picture??? It is just… so… perfect. Distilled autumn pastoral fantasy. The colorful mushroom, the curl of the fern and flowers, the muted background foliage, the beady eyes and precise whiskers of the tiny squeakbeast!!! Unreal. Wow.
The artist is Phil Winter, and he deserves to be credited for such a wonderful photo.
New goddess idea: She’s an earth goddess of the new age who’s domain is spinning and weaving, but specifically spinning and weaving gigantic structural steel cables for construction and other industrial purposes. Her skin is steel grey and hard to the touch and her hair is like long dredlocks of woven steel. She laughs at shitty architecture deigns that will fall apart if actually built and protects well-made bridges and buildings she likes. She might warn you of unforseen danger if you always wear your proper PPE.
Okay now what do I name her
O’sha.
Obviously
THAT’S PERFECT
I AM ALWAYS HERE FOR QUALITY WORKPLACE SAFETY REGULATION PUNS
That’s my goddess. 👍🏻
May O’sha bless you with earplugs that are comfortable and respirators that fit perfectly.
While the #MeToo movement has largely focused on adult perpetrators, children and adolescents who engage in sexual harassment, bullying and abuse can also leave their victims with deep and lasting scars. Experts say today’s murky consent culture prevails in adulthood because these behaviors aren’t being addressed in childhood — a pivotal time when kids are learning social norms and developing their sense of identity.
Research shows that 43 percent of middle school students experience sexual harassment from their peers. And a third of teenagers report experiencing relationship abuse. Rates may be even higher in kids with disabilities and those who identify as L.G.B.T.Q.
Instead of waiting to have “the talk” until adults think it’s age-appropriate, consent education should start at the earliest age possible and remain a constant lesson through childhood and adolescence, said Jett Bachman, a youth educator at Day One, a nonprofit organization that works with youth to promote healthy relationships and end dating abuse.
These lessons can start at the most basic level of teaching respect for physical boundaries, said Mx. Bachman, who uses the gender-neutral honorific. For example, rather than pressuring pre-school-age children to hug relatives or adults they don’t know, adults might suggest alternatives like a high five or a wave. This gives children agency in deciding when and how they want to physically interact with other people.
For kids in elementary school, Mx. Bachman said incorporating the word “consent” into their vocabulary will encourage them to apply it to all areas of their lives. In learning to ask permission to use a classmate’s toy, for instance, they learn that all people have a right to their belongings and their own private space. By the time they reach their teens, these lessons can be extended to their relationships.
At Lexington High, Ms. Eichenberg and her classmates are working with the school administration to update the curriculums for their health classes to include more modules on consent and sexual harassment. New lessons include how to gauge consent based on nonverbal cues and how to advocate for yourself when you’re in an uncomfortable situation and need to find a way out safely.
“People always say students in high school or middle school or elementary school are too young to learn about sex or any kind of sexual interaction, but it’s happening,” Ms. Eichenberg said. “Middle and high schoolers are going to be in situations where they’ll have to decide for themselves if they’re comfortable.”
The efforts of Ms. Eichenberg and her classmates are just one part of a growing MeTooK12 movement to spread awareness of sexual violence among young people.
At Berkeley High School in Berkeley, Calif., a student organization called BHS Stop Harassing began an initiative in early March called Story a Week, in which students anonymously submit personal stories of sexual harassment and abuse, said Uma Nagarajan-Swenson, 17, a senior and the media director for the group.
The group posts stories on Instagram weekly to raise awareness of how pervasive the problem is at their school. In one post, a student wrote about a boy in math class who kept asking for sexual favors: “He kept asking and he made me feel guilty for saying no. When I went to the bathroom with him he told me what to do, and when I didn’t want to, he blocked my exit to the door …”
In Osprey, Fla., Minnah Stein, a senior at Pine View School, has been organizing documentary screenings and other programs to teach students in her school district about sexual violence and their Title IX rights, which legally protect them from discrimination on the basis of gender in educational settings. So far, about 2,500 students in her county have participated in her sexual violence prevention programs.
“This is the most pressing civil rights issue of my generation,” Ms. Stein, 17, said.
Abusive behavior is often modeled after what kids see in the media, in adult interactions or elsewhere in their environment, said Elizabeth Jeglic, a licensed clinical psychologist specializing in sexual violence prevention and a psychology professor at John Jay College of Criminal Justice. Sexual harassment and bullying can lead to even more abusive behavior if it’s not stopped early on, she says, causing a ripple effect as generations of young people grow older.
Challenges arise in part because from a very early age, research shows, children are socialized to behave according to their gender. Girls, for example, are often taught to be modest and may feel flattered when boys tease them. Boys are more likely to be taught to hold in their feelings, and to be aggressive in the pursuit of a crush and push boundaries.
This kind of gender stereotyping can become an indirect link to more problematic behaviors like sexual harassment, said Dr. Jeglic, and be harmful for kids of all ages and genders. If parents, teachers or other guardians suspect that children in their care are experiencing sexual harassment, bullying or abuse from their peers, she said, it’s important to validate their experience, listen to what they have to say and help them understand what happened.
Esther Warkov, executive director and co-founder of Stop Sexual Assault in Schools, the nonprofit group that started the MeTooK12 campaign in January, said that schools should train staff members to address a wide range of behaviors that constitute inappropriate sexual behavior, from body shaming to subtle sexual gestures or sounds. To help prevent future instances of harassment, student perpetrators may be recommended for counseling, community service working directly with survivors of sexual violence, or workshops on gender-based discrimination.
Last year, Sophie Chong, 17, a senior on the track team at Lexington High, overheard her male teammates complaining that they thought the female athletes weren’t as hardworking and didn’t have to put in as much effort as the boys because the height of their hurdles was lower.
“Even though it might start out as a little thing like sexism or a power play between males and females, it’s definitely going to develop into something bigger like sexual harassment that we see today in multiple industries,” said Ms. Chong, a member of her school’s Intersectional Feminism Club. “It’s about getting to the root of the problem.”
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