glumshoe:

kamorth:

glumshoe:

There’s a particular #look that cis people give you when they can tell there’s something off about you but they’re still trying to pinpoint what it is. They go quiet, listening to your voice, ghosting their eyes across your cheeks, your throat, your chest, trying to compute exactly what it is they’re picking up on.

I KNOW I do this at times but I promise I’m working on it. I’m sorry to everyone I have ever done this to. I’m trying to be better.

We instinctively “scan” other people and our environments for information, most of which we don’t consciously process. It’s only when things don’t match up to our expectations that we really begin to take notice of information. Noticing patterns – and inconsistencies in them – is such a fundamental part of how our brains work that I doubt you’d be able to train yourself out of it. 

I think it’s more practical to focus on being polite. You’ll find yourself looking for cues even without trying, but don’t stare, avert your eyes from impolite areas, and stop yourself from looking for ‘proof’ the moment you realize you’re doing it. If you are going to be interacting with them significantly, it may be best to ask their pronouns if you have relative privacy. I tend to only ask if they seem to be outwardly expressing that they’re not cis+het; being trans and having many trans friends and acquaintances means I may be more finely calibrated to pick up on “signs” that are relatively imperceptible to cis people. I don’t want my higher-than-average perception rolls to make someone feel as though they aren’t passing by asking their pronouns and revealing that I’ve “clocked” them. 

I dunno. Maybe I’m not clarifying anything. You’ll probably notice that someone is trans whether you intend to or not (though many other times you will have absolutely no idea!), but you do have control over your manners and reactions. Knowing that someone has recognized that I’m “different” isn’t inherently unpleasant, but the expressions of “DOES NOT COMPUTE!!!” or “what is this THING” are uh. Guaranteed to put me on the defensive. 

Hell, approaching someone else when you’re both stealth is awkward as shit. There’s lots of prolonged eye contact, nervous smiles, hesitant head-nods, and stilted half-sentences before you acknowledge each other successfully and do the furby recognition wiggle.