vampireapologist:

I think the most healing thing my therapist has said to me was that I’m allowed to be angry and bitter about slipping through the cracks my whole life. I was so obviously and desperately in need of help from kindergarten to 12th grade, and only once did anyone respond, when I was 12, and then I went to middle school and fell through the cracks again. I got detentions for talking out daily in elementary and middle school. I broke down crying multiple times in class as a 17 year old in HS, which is, you know, not normal. I never did my homework, failed multiple classes every year and did summer school, all while ranking in the 99th percentile in state testing.

And nobody said “this isn’t right. someone pay attention to this girl.”

instead most of my teacher’s and a lot of my friends’ parents labeled me a problem child and couldn’t wait for me to be gone.

and I’ve spent all this time thinking “well, I’m getting the help I need and deserve NOW! It’s time to move on! Don’t focus on how, if someone had paid attention, I may be attending a college with a full ride scholarship right now, maybe have my dream job already, wouldn’t have spent so long suffering and suicidal.”

But my therapist told me, not only was it okay for me to be angry that literally all of the adults in my life but my mom and friend’s mom failed me, but she was also angry FOR me. And that I was allowed to be angry at everyone who let young Molly Anne slip through crack after crack. And that being angry and accepting that I was failed would help me move on.

And it has.

You’re allowed to be pissed off about the bad things that happened to you as a kid. You’re allowed to ask life “hey, what the fuck?” It’s part of healing.