today, friday 13th, i had two things scheduled to happen. 1 was taking my drivers test (not really relevant to the purgatory thing but i feel the need to include it on the basis of friday 13th fuckery), 2 was picking up my diploma. as it turns out, somewhere between home and the dmv a taillight went out, so the administrator wouldnt let me take the test, and rescheduled me to NOVEMBER. so thats how my 9am went.
with that under our hats, me and my mom went to find my diploma.
it started bad. google maps did not recognize the address as existing. it took us several tries to convince it there was a west school avenue in anywhere but california, and when we finally did, the street names didn’t match. some of them just didn’t match the physical signs, but others changed or disappeared in the map itself. and as we approached, we discovered that the facility we were looking for was not only off the road, but the only way to get to it was through a backwoods neighborhood, inhabited EXCLUSIVELY by hicks sitting on their porches and judging us for some unknown sin.
finally, google says we’ve arrived. surely not, we whisper. please no. jesus christ. we’re faced with what appears to be a small penitentiary, the front of which is plain white with massive blinded windows, and the only parking in sight is through a gigantic chain-link fence. there is no signage anywhere whatsoever to indicate whether we’re allowed in, but there’s nowhere else to stop without blocking the teeny little road, so we pull in. the energy of this place is absolutely befuckened. we’re talking deserted. the parking lot is jam-packed, but there’s not a human in sight. it’s not a closed building either, more like a campus, with dozens of doors opening onto little courtyard areas. the doors are all either unmarked or covered in seemingly arbitrary words and numbers. some of them have strangely large locks and no knobs. some of them have keypads.
well by now we’re both thoroughly fuckin spooked, so my mom calls my dad to explain we were gonna be a little uh late and i go to find. something. anything. civilization, perhaps. i find a little hallway to the front of the building, where i can now see a gigantic sign declaring the name of the facility. the letters are two feet tall, but the exact same color as the roofing behind them. they are not faded. they were painted that way. beneath them is an easily 4-meter-tall arched metal gate, which is the only opening on the entire front of the otherwise clean building, and, therefore, logically represents the main entrance.
directly inside and left of the gate is a door with a cartoonishly large keypad lock and a sign which reads ‘NOT AN ENTRANCE.’ there are no arrows and no directions.
i turn around and head the opposite direction, down a long hall. at the end of it is a set of double doors which are shrouded in darkness. i’m about 30 feet away when there’s a flicker of movement behind the doors. then, out of the shadows, steps an old hick. “you look lost.” he says. “y-eAh” i reply. he enquires what i’m there for, and i explain my diploma. he directs me to a door next to a blue car. there is no logical way for the car to be inside the buildings courtyard, but it is no less next to a door. as i turn to see where i’m being directed, a young woman seemingly materializes in the middle of the hallway perpendicular to us, walking briskly. without slowing she turns to me, says “she’s making a pb&j sandwich,” and carries on her way. when i turn around the man is gone. when i turn back, she’s gone too. i run for my mom.
ngl at this point im dead fucking sure she wont be where i left her and when i find her the car will be gone and we’ll be trapped in this hellhole if we don’t get out before sunset, but she’s there, and we go and enter the door. inside we can hear idle chatter from an adjacent office. after a few seconds a woman comes out. she does not ask who we are. she asks whose diploma we want. we tell her mine. she pulls it out of a stack of loose paper, hands it to us without another solitary word, and bids us farewell.
mom drove outta there about 70mph and tbh i wouldve done the same that was an evil place and i do not plan on returning
If any of y’all want to know how to make some super dope beef stew super easily LISTEN UP
Take a couple pounds of beef and cube it. Put that shit in a crock pot.
Add 1 ½ cups water.
Add an onion soup packet.
And a glass of red wine.
Hell yeah
Pour yourself some wine too you deserve it.
Add like half an onion and season with pepper, salt, chipotle pepper, garlic, cinnamon, and cloves. I don’t measure I just dash some in and adjust to taste when I add the root vegetables.
Nice.
Mix that shit up.
Now put on high and ignore for 3 hours.
In 3 hours, add veggies. Potatoes, carrots, parsnips, turnips, whatever ya got. Mushrooms are good too. I’ll add some dried morels, crumbled up. Will post again when we get to that point.
Can recommend the above recipe, but with a dark brown ale instead of wine and with pickled walnuts added with the veggies
……man that sounds good too will have to try that sometime.
Ok meat is done through now dump in some baby carrots or chop up some regular carrots and throw in some taters. I use red because I hate peeling them fuck that. Also crumbled up a half dozen dried morel mushrooms and threw in some flour to thicken things up. Added some fresh thyme because why the hell not.
nice.
Now ignore for another hour.
As for the cut of meat; doesn’t matter get what’s cheap. Anything gets tender if you stew it in a crock pot for six hours. Spices can be tinkered with as you see fit. Add other veggies as you see fit. Nothing is set in stone do what you want, man. Sub beer for the wine, throw in pork, ‘s all good. Pour yourself some more wine or beer and play Skyrim for awhile.
Note that the finished stew can be frozen in single portions and thawed in the microwave later, and will feed either a family for a night or you for a week if you live alone.
By the way, would dumplings be addable to this?
I’m addicted to having dumplings in my stews/soups…
DO IT
Hey @systlin is there anything you’d recommend as a substitute for wine/beer to someone who can’t legally buy alcohol?
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